Page 41 of Wake Me Up
“Why is that a bad thing, darlin’?” I murmur, wanting to reach out and touch her so bad that it’s painful. “If it feels good and it seems right … why fight it?”
That pisses her off, and her eyes fly to mine. “You don’t get it! I don’t get to just … have fun! I have kids. Ones who have already lost their dad. And not to mention, I was happily married before he died.” She stops. “I don’t … I don’t have room for someone else in my life. And I’m not the type of girl who just sleeps around. I have to think of my kids before I do shit like that.”
I shift the truck into park, leaning forward and resting my forearms on the steering wheel and dipping my head down. “So, what are you saying, Freya? You regret what we did?”
“Of course I do!” she practically hisses at me. “You are an NHL player. You have a different girl in your fancy bed every other night, I’m sure! And that’s fine. That’s your business.” She drags her hand across her forehead. “But I can’t get mixed up with that. So, when it comes to this arrangement, it needs to be strictly platonic, and we can’t tell anyone. I don’t want to confuse my kids with this mess I’ve made.” With a shake of her head, she reaches for the door. “I have to go. I need to run home and change before I pick my kids up from school.”
I grab her wrist, moving closer to her so that when she whips around toward me, we’re face-to-face. “I’ve been with maybe … five or six people in the past few years. I don’t sleep around. I don’t care to, Freya. Never have anyway.” My eyes float back to her lips. “But with you? You’re on my mind every fucking day. I dream of fucking you. Or putting my face between your thighs. Or you sucking my dick.”
Her nostrils flare, and her eyes flash with anger. “Stop it!” she hisses.
“It’s the truth. So, while you think I’m out there, chasing women, I’m not. The only woman I want to chase is the one who is my wife and can’t fucking stand me.”
She’s backing away from me now, her back against the door of the truck, but her eyes are filled with that same hunger that they had at my house right before she rode my leg and made my cock explode by rubbing on it so hard.
“You only want me because I’m not available,” she whispers, anger laced in her tone when she leans a little closer to glare at me. “If I was one hundred percent available emotionally, you wouldn’t be chasing me. You would have already moved on.”
Gripping her chin softly, I narrow my own eyes. “Wrong, darlin’. If you were available, I would be all in with you by now. I would have fucked you in my bed back at my house too.” I move closer to her, hovering overthe console. “Say the word that you’re mine, and I promise you, I’ll never stop chasing.”
“You don’t understand,” she whispers. “I have nothing to offer you. My heart hasn’t been whole since my husband died, and it never will be either.”
“And you don’t understand that I’d take a fucking fraction of your broken heart over a whole one of anyone else’s.”
More tears pool in her brown eyes before streaming down her cheeks. Her lips part, and she drags in a shaky breath before she squeezes her eyes shut. After a few seconds, she opens them back up and pulls away from my touch.
Without saying a word, she pushes her door open. “I appreciate what you did for me today, but I have to go now.” Her lip quivers. “And please … don’t follow me.”
It hurts my chest when she climbs out and slams the truck door shut, but I don’t chase her because she can’t go too far. Because the thing is … we’re married now. So, I will be seeing her real soon.
Ipoke at my lasagna, looking down at it and not really feeling hungry. My mind is going in a million directions between Aviana’s upcoming surgery and my new marriage. There’s a lot going on right now.
It’s been three days since the little … incident happened at Tripp’s house, where I had a moment of weakness and humped his leg like a horny teenager. And in the past three days, he’s sent me a few messages and called once. All of them I’ve ignored.
I can’t ignore him forever, nor does he deserve for me to either. The man married me just to help my daughter. And then he confessed that I’m what he wants and all he thinks about. Now, I guess I don’t know what to do with that information. It would no doubt be easier if there was no attraction at all because then I wouldn’t be at risk for my worst nightmare.
Falling and losing again.
“Mom, did you hear me?” Cash says, pulling me out of my own thoughts.
“Sorry, babe.” I shake my head to wake myself up a bit. “What did you say?”
“I asked if I get to work with Tripp this week. I know he’s busy and all, but he can usually squeeze in an hour every week.” He sounds concerned. “I texted him from Cane’s phone the other day, but he said he’d let me know. I never heard back though.”
“Um, we’ll have to see. Avy has some appointments this week before surgery next Thursday, and so … I just need to see, okay?”
When disappointment masks his face but he tries to hide it with a small smile and a nod, I fight off a grimace because in one of the messages I received from Tripp, he asked if it would be okay if he worked with Cash this week. He even offered to come and pick him up too. When I read the message, the image of Cash and Tripp laughing while he taught him importantlessons on the ice flashed through my mind, and guilt suddenly hit me like a freight train.
I don’t want Cash to forget his dad, and while coaches and family friends have come and gone, Cash has never connected with someone as strongly as he has with Tripp. That makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong by allowing them to spend so much time together—especially now that I’m married to the freaking guy.
I look at Cash, and I know … I can’t take this connection from him. Even if it only entangles us more.
Pushing my plate away from me, I glance at the clock. We ate early tonight, so it’s not even six o’clock yet, and aside from Cane, who will probably eat one or two more helpings … we’re done.
“How’s tonight sound?” I murmur, looking from Cash to Cane. “You’re welcome to go, too, if you want.”
“Hell yeah!” Cash chants, ignoring my scowl at his choice of words as his entire face lights up. Surprisingly, so does Cane’s.
“Yeah, I’ll go,” Cane says thoughtfully before glancing at Cash. “If you don’t mind, Bub.”
