Page 69 of The Souls of Lost Lake
“What’s that?” She was thankful for the distraction.
His chuckle met her ears. “Never mind.”
They didn’t say anything more. Ava unfolded her arms from around her knees and stretched her hand toward the wall. It connected with the shelves she knew would be there. A glass jar met her fingertips. She felt it, wondering if it were canned carrots, or canned venison, or what type of food remained behind. Evidence of her mother’s existence.
“I used to hide down here,” she mumbled. Noah was silent. Ava dropped her hand back to her lap. “Arnie and Ricky always knew I did. But when I was little, they pretended they didn’t.”
She remembered that. Remembered Ricky’s solid footsteps as he tromped down the ladder. Remembered the anxiety that would well up inside her when Ricky drew closer to finding her. She liked it better when Arnie found her. He’d just tap her. Ricky wouldslug her and holler “You’re it!” with a voice that made her think he wanted to do more than just bruise her. “My brother Ricky had a mean streak,” Ava admitted out loud.
“He did?” Noah’s question encouraged her to talk. He was trying to be all preacher on her. Share her soul. Then he’d set to work on seein’ it healed up and drawing nigh to Jesus.
She’d entertain him, for no other reason than her tongue wanted to speak even when her spirit wanted to withdraw. “Mm-hmm. Maybe it runs in the family. I don’t know. Can’t recall much about my family, to be truthful.” No. That wasn’t truthful. She was remembering more just being here. But she didn’t want to.
“Do you think—?”
“Think Ricky killed my folks?” Ava interrupted. “No. Not when he wound up dead too. Don’t make no sense, that way of reasonin’.”
Noah cleared his throat as though he had a larger question on his mind.
“Spit it out, Preacher.” He might as well, Ava determined. Sitting here wallowing in her personal horror was just going to get worse if she didn’t get her mind a bit distanced from the emotion.
“Well, I was just going to ask—how do you knowwhodied?”
Ava twisted her head in Noah’s direction. “What do you mean?”
“If their bodies were never found, how do you know...?”
“The blood. I was covered in it.” And she remembered that. The screamin’ too. She remembered the whacking. A gag rose in Ava’s throat, and she swallowed it back. Best if the preacher stopped asking questions now.
“Did the folks in town come and look for your family?”
Ava swallowed the sour taste in her mouth. “That’s what I recall. Councilman Pitford once told me it was akin to butcherin’ at the meat market.” And why Councilman Pitford had ever seen it right to tell her that, she’d never know!
Noah coughed. Maybe he was trying not to puke too. “But they never found your family, so how would he know to compare it to such?”
“I don’t know.” Ava worked her lips back and forth. She sniffed. Dang it, if she cried she’d be mad at herself! Cryin’ in front of the preacher. ’Course, she’d already made a fool of herself. One of those blackouts. Where she’d wandered and didn’t know what she did.
“Sorry I got all funny-like and took off on you.” Ava diverted Noah from further questions.
He was quiet for a moment, and then, “Do you know why you do that?”
Ava stilled. Now she felt all weepy again. Weepy and helpless. “No.” Her voice was small. Watery. She could hear it, so she bet he could too.
“They say when someone experiences trauma, each person reacts differently. Some go into a depression. Others pretend it never happened. Then there are those who drift off in their minds and—”
“So, I’m crazy?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Sure ya didn’t.” Ava swiped at a tear on her cheek. God bless the darkness now.
“I didn’t.” He shifted and was even closer now. She could feel his shoulder press against hers. Part of Ava wanted to move away, but then another part held her there.
“I’m just saying, I think when the remembering becomes strong in you, your mind tries to blank it out. You go to places inside yourself that no one can get to.”
“And then I try’n drown myself?”
“Were you? Drowning yourself?” Noah posed the question so poignantly, so directly, and with so much forgiveness in his tone, Ava felt another tear escaping her other eye.
