Page 72 of No Place Like Home
I took in a deep, cleansing breath. “Y’all didn’t come here to feed me barbecue. Just come out with it. I know you’re itching to ask me something. It’s not like you to keep your noses out of my business—or anyone’s business for that matter. That’s not the book club’s M.O. So, for fuck’s sake, just ask.”
“Language, girl,” Diane said.
“You know the language you use proves that you’re feeling bad about something,” Kaye agreed.
I turned to them but stayed where I was. “Bullshit.” I crossed my arms over my chest. They were being ridiculous. “That’s not true. I always use bad language. Ask Darcie. I could fund her first year of college.”
“Fine.” Diane brushed my last comment away. “We’ll get right to the point.” She glanced over at Kaye.
Kaye sat up straighter in her seat and said, “Darlene talked to Lilly, Lilly talked to me, and I talked to Diane.”
I glanced back and forth between them. My secret was out, and it seemed like the world knew all about it.
“And we need to give you our thoughts,” Diane added as she pointed toward my empty place at the table. “Sit back down, please.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Ofcourseyou want to get involved in something that is none of your damn business.” I leveled my pointer finger at each of them in turn as I sat in my seat. “Remember, I’m not your family. You don’t have to get involved in my life.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Summer,” Kaye said, her voice firmer than I was used to from her. “You are our family. We’ve known you as long as you’ve been friends with Kora and Darlene.”
Diane nodded in agreement. “Exactly. We were around while you hung out with them. We watched you grow up. We had you and your grandmother over for our weekly get-togethers.”
Kaye picked up where Diane left off, her eyes commanding my attention. “We’ve also watched how Rowan accepted your friendship for over a decade just so he wouldn’t irritate you, get beneath your skin, and lose whatever it was that was going on between you both.”
My heart seemed to stop, then crash in my chest. I cleared my throat against the lump that formed, and my eyes dropped to the table. I fiddled with the napkin I used at lunch. “If you all noticed that back when we were in high school, that means Tonya did also. Why is she always such a bitch to me?” My eyes met theirs and courage coursed through my veins.
“She’s not a bitch to you,” Kaye said.
I sat up straight. My pulse raced and I was sure my blood pressure was going through the roof. “Seriously? She argues with me constantly.”
“Because you’re just like her. Your strong, take-no-shit attitude matches hers to a T,” Kaye said. “You put her in her place. Trust me, she loves you. She knows you’re exactly what Rowan needs. You keep him in check. You balance him out. You call him on his bullshit.”
“Kaye’s right,” Diane agreed.
I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. “Look, I love you two. You’re as close to mothers as I’ve ever had, since my mom was useless. You both took me under your wings and helped me hone this crap I absolutely love.” I swept my arm toward the salon. “But . . .” Dammit. If they knew what Darlene and I talked about, why didn’t they come out with it?
Kaye reached over and grabbed my hand. “Summer, talk to us.”
I looked back and forth between them and tears blurred my vision. “Darlene didn’t tell you?”
“She told us that you don’t want a relationship and don’t know what love is, but what else is wrong?” Kaye asked in a soft voice. “What else is there that you haven’t told us?”
The words sat on my tongue and begged to be said. To finally leave the secret box they’ve been locked in for decades. I bit my tongue to keep it quiet, but it was no use. “Rowan deserves more than I can ever give him,” I blurted before I could change my mind and keep my secret in for another ten years. “There’s more going on with me than you guys know, and I know he needs more.”
My voice cracked. The caring, motherly looks on the women’s faces gave me the courage I needed to tell someone else my secret.
I took a deep breath and let the word-vomit out. “Rowan needs to be a father. He needs to have kids. He’s sowonderful and amazing and would make a perfect dad. But I can’t give him that.” I took in a shaky breath. “I can’t have children.”
There. I said for a second time in as many days what I had kept in for over a decade, and my heart cracked into a million pieces.
Chapter 32
Rowan
“Hi, Uncle Rowan.” James dropped his school bag on the floor, climbed in the chair next to me, and grabbed the cookies I had on the table. It was Wednesday, and this was our new after-school ritual. I loved it—quality time with my nephew.
“Hey, stinker.” I slid my glass over to him and he dipped a chocolate chip cookie in the milk and took a bite. “How was school?”
He shrugged and popped the cookie in his mouth. “Boring,” he said through a mouth full of cookie.
