Page 42 of Saved by my Baby Daddy Spy
He swallows hard. “I wish that I could have been there for everything. It feels like there is something missing in my life because I wasn’t there. I didn’t have my birth parents for most of my life, not that it’s their fault. But, I didn’t want to do that with my own children if I ever had any. I want to always be there for them.”
“Life has a funny way of making things happen.” I pick at a loose thread on my shorts. I can’t bear the look he’s giving me.
It’s like he would do everything he could to go back in time and change the way everything happened between us.
“I came to terms with what happened weeks after I found out I was pregnant.” I pull the thread off and put it on the side table. “I didn’t have much of a choice. I wanted to be angry with you — and a part of me still is — but I can’t be. You’re Kerrigan’s father. She doesn’t need two parents who hate each other.”
He leans over, his warm hand landing on my knee. His thumb rubs slow circles into my skin, sending sparks flying through my body.
“Hannah,” he says, his voice husky. “Let me be clear right now. I could never hate you. Never. You gave me the best gift in the world, and you are an amazing woman and mother. Hating you is impossible.”
My cheeks warm as I look up at him. My heart thuds in my chest as the sunrise streams in through a set of windows that surround the main living area. I look out the windows on the opposite wall, watching the waves crash against the shore.
Every time I think that my life can’t get any better, it does.
“Alright, well, we need to talk about your work. I’ve been avoiding it because I knew it was going to be a tough conversation to have, but I’ve been terrified at the thought of our daughter getting caught in the middle of your career.”
“Well, as you know, I did quit spying. I don’t want to go back to it and put Kerrigan in danger. That part of my life is over. I’ll focus most of my time in building up my security company, Gould Agents.”
“You don’t think you’d ever go back?” I ask. I can see the hesitancy on his face.
“I don’t know if I would. I’m sure that I wouldn’t, but I don’t want to slap a never label on it and break that promise.”
As I nod, my heart starts to beat faster. The room starts to feel impossibly small and warm.
This is exactly what I’ve been worrying about.
I don’t want to keep him from Kerrigan, but if he puts our daughter in the same danger he put me in, I won’t hesitate to fight for full custody.
It’s the last thing I want to do, but I will do whatever it takes to protect Kerrigan.
Chapter Fifteen
Holden
Eventually,Ifallasleepon the couch while talking to Hannah about my security company. She became distant after I told her that I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t go back to spying.
Though I didn’t want to lie to her, maybe I should have.
Even as I wake up and see her still sitting in the chair, I get the feeling that she is retreating further from me.
“Is everything all right?” I ask as she glances at the baby monitor on her phone.
“Yeah. Kerrigan just woke up a few minutes ago. She’s fussing. I thought she was going to go back to sleep, but it looks like she is up and ready to go for the day.”
“I’ll get her.” I get up from the couch and stretch, some of my joints cracking.
“Thanks. I’m going to go get cleaned up for the day if you don’t mind watching Kerri for a few minutes.”
I scoff and wave a hand at her. “Are you kidding me? I would love to spend more time with her. Take however long you need. I’ll get her ready and then get some breakfast going.”
“You don’t have to do that.” She looks at me and I see the same dark circles under her eyes again. “All I need is a few minutes to get cleaned up and then I’ll be good to go.”
I sigh. “Hannah, take some time to yourself to relax. You don’t look like you’ve slept at all, and you spend most of your time taking care of Kerrigan. Let me get her for one morning.”
She bites her bottom lip, wavering on what she wants to say to me. Finally, she nods. “Alright. Thanks. Let me know if you need anything.”
I head down the hall and into Kerrigan’s room, grinning when I see the puff of hair that is even more wild than it was the night before. She smiles and stands on her bed, her doll tucked under her arm.
