Page 37 of Enemies with my Bestie’s Brother
Of all the answers I imagined, this wasn’t one that was on the table.
“Because I don’t know if I’m ready to be in a relationship with anyone. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago, and it was devastating the way that it ended, to be honest. I just don’t know if I’m ready to move on so quickly. I think it’s important for me to take some time to just appreciate being on my own, without depending on or relying on anyone, you know what I mean?” she asks.
I unfortunately do not know what she means.
“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that I don’t understand. I will always respect your decisions and accept your answers for what they are. I do hope that we can still spend time together, and come out to the overlook every now and again. I love this view, Whitney, and I love your company even more. There’s nothing better than eating the best burgers in the city at the best spot in the city with the best person in the city.”
Chapter Sixteen
Whitney
ShouldIbuyanothercoffee? I’ve already had three since I got here this morning, but it’s been more than an hour since I last ordered something, and I’m starting to get dirty looks from the barista. Or, maybe she’s not actually giving me a dirty look, but the guilt I’m feeling from constantly lying to Penny is getting to me.
That’s why I’ve been hiding out at this coffee shop down the street from Penny’s building under the guise of planning Grayson and Preston’s birthday party for most of the morning now. Truthfully, though, I’m avoiding Penny. Hiding something from my best friend is killing me, to be perfectly honest, and I don’t know how much longer I can continue to do it. There’s a part of me that keeps insisting that I should either end things with Grayson, or come clean with Penny. But, selfishly, I don’t want to end things with Grayson, and I definitely don’t want to tell Penny.
It was one thing when it was just a weekend affair from far away, but now that things have heated up with Grayson here in San Francisco, it feels like I just keep adding more and more lies to the pile of dishonesty I’m packing with me. The most awful part is that the longer I keep putting off telling Penny, the worse her reaction is going to be, and I fully recognize that. Still, I’m so terrified of her finding out and disowning me as a friend that it keeps me silent when I should be speaking up. It’s a completely irrational fear, because Penny is the sweetest and nicest person who has ever existed, but knowing that it’s irrational doesn’t vanquish the fear the way like I wish it would. Seriously, I have to be the worst best friend in the history of the universe.
I check the time on my phone and sigh. It’s getting to be lunch time, and I’ve already been out at the coffee shop for nearly five hours. If I miss lunch, then she will definitely know something is going on with me, and she’ll ask a million and one questions trying to figure it out. One by one, I pack up my laptop, then my notebooks, followed by my pens. I’m deliberately dragging it out, ultimately delaying seeing Penny by every second that I can manage.
Even though I walk as slowly as I can without drawing attention to myself, I’m back at the penthouse in less than twenty minutes. As I unlock the door and make my way through it, I almost run smack into Penny.
“Oh! I was just about to come to get you, since you weren’t answering your phone. Did it die or something?”
She tilts her head, a questioning look on her face.
“Actually, I don’t know. I think I was just so in the zone, working, that I didn’t notice if it buzzed or not,” I say.
The lies are rolling off my tongue now as if I’ve been hoarding them in my mouth like a chipmunk and they’re eager to get out. Of course, I saw Penny texting me, and of course, I didn’t answer. I didn’t open them, but I could see what they said as soon as they appeared on my screen.
“Oh, that makes sense, I do the same thing when I’m completely wrapped up in my design work. I have the best news ever! Parker took Baby J to some sort of father-son meeting thing so that we could have the evening to ourselves! It seems kind of silly, since Baby J is only a baby, but I’m pretty sure it’s just an excuse for a bunch of dads to get together and have a drink or something. We can have a Chinese food and romance movie night, just like we used to in college. Isn’t that great?” she says, a smile lighting up her face.
The guilt of lying to her is killing me, but I manage to nod weakly. The smile I give back to her is a weak approximation of the one she gave me. Penny’s eyes widen in concern at the expression on my face. I’ve never been good at hiding my emotions.
“Whitney, what’s wrong? Come sit.” She guides me to the couch and sits next to me, doting on me like a good best friend does. I look at her, desperately wishing that I could tell her the truth, but knowing that I can’t. I just want to have my regular friendship with my best friend back. I wrack my brain before I settle for telling her about the secondary problem that’s been on my mind today.
“Do you think that maybe it’s time for me to move on?” I ask as I sink back into the fluffy cushions.
“What do you mean by ‘move on?’ Are you thinking of leaving again?” Penny tucks her chin, gazing at me with confusion.
It’s the kind of expression that would usually make me laugh.
“No, not like that. I mean, I’ve been at your place for three months now, hiding from the fallout of my relationship with Jared. Maybe it’s time for me to put on my big-girl pants and finally face it. Jared cheated on me, and I broke up with him, and it’s over, you know? I need to just let the pain go and stop hiding. Especially because hiding means that Jared still has power over me, and I definitely don’t want that. So, should I move on and put myself out there again?” I turn to look at her after my rant.
A slow smile is spreading across her face.
“Whit, are you falling for someone? Is that what brought this on? Who is it? Is it one of my brothers? If it is, we could be sisters-in-law!”
She squeals and I start shaking my head instantly.
“No, no, absolutely not,” I lie once more.
Good thing there’s not a lie tracker on my forehead, because it would be in the millions by now from the sheer amount of deceit that has to do with Grayson alone. “There’s nobody that I’m falling for. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately. I’ve had a lot of time to think.”
“Darn,” she says softly as she stares out into the hallway. “You know, you don’t have to put yourself out on the dating market again to prove that you’ve moved on. You can move on and still be perfectly happy single, if that’s what you really want. It’s not like the two of them are a packaged deal, moving on and starting dating.”
“Okay, then I guess my question really is: Do you think I should start dating again?”
“Well, here’s what I think. I think that your last relationship ended on a note that was very hard for you to take. I mean, anyone would have a tough time dealing with being cheated on. So, it’s completely understandable that it devastated you. The fact that you felt the need to escape at all says everything about how vulnerable you were at the end of that relationship. But, I’ve really watched you grow so much since you’ve been here. You smile so much more than you used to, and even when you’re fighting with my brother, or rolling your eyes at something stupid, I can see that your energy is back. This isn’t going to be what you want to hear, but I think you just needed to get out of Keene. I’m not even saying that you necessarily had to come to San Francisco, because I think you would have done well anywhere, but I do think that you’ve thrived here. And I’m not being selfish when I say that because you’ve objectively thrived here. Even your mom has said that you’ve seemed so much happier when you’ve spoken to her on the phone.”
