Page 79 of Ruin
“Can I have a few days to think about it?” he says softly.
“Of course, baby. Of course.” I lean in to kiss his lips.
He doesn’t kiss me back.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kolton
The sun has just set when I reach Lucian’s house. I’d asked for a few days, but what’s the point in waiting for the inevitable? I already know what I’m going to choose. I may as well get it over with. The sooner I start this destruction, the sooner it’ll be over.
I figure giving in is the lesser of two evils. If I don’t, he’ll keep haunting me. I’m not strong enough to keep pushing him away. At least if I give in and go with it, I could get a little bit of happiness before it all blows up in my face.
Not everything with Lucian was bad, and that’s the problem. There was so much good, with us, but also with me. I crave who I was when I was with him, and I don’t know how to be that person without him.
The door opens, and I told myself I would hesitate with nothing tonight—or ever again. I’ve accepted a life of misery, so I may as well just go with it. I’m tired of fighting, and not just with him. I’m tired of constantly fighting everything. Life, my thoughts, my wants and needs. I’m done holding back. So Ishove the door open so hard it slams against the wall and pops back to close halfway. I reach for Lucian, yanking him to me by his shirt and slamming my lips to his. I don’t take it easy, don’t go slow. I want to feel this, and I want to remember it.
He groans into my mouth as I kick the door closed the rest of the way, my hands finding the button of his slacks to pop it open. He tugs his shirt out, working on those buttons to get it off while I walk him backwards until he slams against a wall.
He steps out of his shoes when I shove his pants down, and then his hands are on my hips, spinning us so I’m against the wall. I hit it with a thud, his warm hands sliding up my abs and over my pecs just to run his nails back down. My head hits the wall as I hiss out a sound of pleasure, my dick achingly hard in my jeans.
Lucian’s mouth is on my neck, sucking and biting as he works to get my pants off. I scramble to get rid of my shirt and before I know it, we’re both naked and unable to get enough of each other.
“Bedroom,” he grunts. “Upstairs. Now.” He slaps my ass when I turn to hurry up the stairs. I don’t know where I’m going, but once I’m on the top landing, he’s on me again, kissing and guiding me around until I’m being pushed onto something lush and soft. His hard body lands on top of mine, mouth on my neck again—sucking at the spot that drives me to madness.
He remembers.
I spread my legs, giving him more room, and he thrusts against me, his cock grinding against mine. I have this realizationthat it’s the first time we’ve fucked in a bed that belonged to one of us. It was always hotels and backseats of cars for us. On the warmer nights, we’d lay out on a blanket in the park. Never a bed of ours though—never. This is different. It means something different, but I put that thought away for now. This isn’t the time for me to worry about feelings.
“You came here to be fucked,” he whispers against my skin, moving his mouth along my chest to bite my nipple.
I groan, my hands going to the back of his head to press him down, wanting more. He licks and sucks and bites until it’s sore and probably bleeding, and then he moves onto the other one.
I’m dizzy with pleasure, emotion swirling in my chest. It’s all too much to deal with right now, so I say, “Then what are you waiting for?”
He lifts off me abruptly, darkness and fire in his eyes. He goes to the nightstand and pulls open the drawer, taking out a bottle of lube that’s half empty.
I get the sickening feeling that it’s empty from him using it on other people, and it’s like he’s in my head. Always in my fucking head; always knows what I’m thinking.
“I think about you all the time, Kolton,” he says as he climbs onto the bed, sitting back on his knees. “I’ve touched my dick so much at times, it hurts.” He pops the cap off the lube and makes a show of pouring some into his hand. He makes a fist over my dick, and I watch as the lube drizzles down, even the soft, cool touch of it causing my dick to pulse because I’m so sensitive, so hard, so ready to come but not ready for this to be over.
Lucian wraps his hand around my dick, stroking a few times before moving closer to me. His hand slides down my balls and over my hole, rubbing in the lube before pouring more into his hand and slipping a finger inside me.
“Don’t go easy,” I grit out.
He pulls his finger free, then slides three inside me.
“I did always love your need for pain,” he says.
I fist the sheets as he fucks me with three fingers, the pain quickly turning to pleasure. He avoids my prostate, knowing how easily it’ll make me shoot my load. When he’s involved, it’s hard to hold back. He touches me in all the right places, says all the right things at the right times.
It’s no wonder he fucking destroyed me.
I whimper when he pulls his fingers out, but it’s only a few seconds before he’s replacing them with his dick. He’s thick, and I feel it when he slides into me. It burns, sharp pain shooting out from where we’re connected, but once he’s all the way inside, that burn turns to pleasure. My body fills with warmth, and my heart—well, I’m not thinking about that.
Lucian leans over me, settling himself on his forearms, and looks into my eyes. The familiar darkness is still there, but around it, it’s soft. The affection I’ve seen from him for years is there. In all the years I’ve known him, there is one thing I can be sure of. This look is only for me.
I’ve seen the way he’s looked at other people, including his wife. It was never like this. It was something that kept me holding on for dear life, knowing there is something only I have.Something that’s just for me. It’s this. The look in his eyes. The smile.
