Page 58 of Ruin
Kolton
I stare up at the ceiling, the swaying trees casting shadows across it, thanks to the bright moon. I like leaving my curtains open because I don’t feel so trapped, like when they’re shut.
Midnight came and went hours ago, and I’m still lying here, thinking about life and how much I hate mine. What I could do to make it better and if it’s even worth it to do so.
Lucian isn’t with his wife anymore. I’ve repeated that in my head so many times it almost sounds funny. I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter that he isn’t with her anymore. What does matter iswhythey aren’t together anymore.
Did she leave him and that’s why he’s back here? Is this thing between us a rebound? Does he only want me now that his number one is gone? Am I all he can get because what he wants isn’t available anymore? That’s what Jeremy was to me. I refuse to be a Jeremy.
I glance at the clock. It’s almost four am. There’s no way I’m getting to sleep now, but if this asshole can say something to me to make me stay up all night, then he doesn’t deserve to sleep either. I get out of bed, get dressed, and head downstairs. I don’t plan to be gone for long, so I don’t worry about letting Anastacia know. I lock all the doors and set the alarm—my newest addition to the house. I should have gotten one sooner, but I guess I didn’t care enough. Now that I’m protecting two lives, it’s needed. So I had cameras installed along the property, along with an alarm system.
The drive to Lucian’s takes less than ten minutes. I bang on his door like my life depends on it.
“Lucian! Open the fucking door!”
Bang, bang, bang!
I kick it, then shout some more. “Open the goddamn door!”
By the time he does open it, I’m breathless.
“What the hell, Kolton?” he hisses.
His hair is a mess, his eyes full of sleep. He’s in a grey T-shirt and plaid pajama pants.
“Why aren’t you with Beth anymore?” I ask, still panting.
“What?” he asks.
“Why the fuck aren’t you with Beth anymore?” I growl.
“That’s what your problem is right now? It’s four in the morning.”
I huff out a laugh, shaking my head. “I should have known you wouldn’t give me an answer.”
I turn and hurry down the stairs, not sure where I’m going or what I’m doing. I don’t even know why I came here.
Because I’m out of control, that’s why. Because when I feel things, I can’t control my reactions.
“Kolton!” he snaps in a familiar stern tone. I stop, chest still heaving. I hear him come down the steps, and then he’s standing in front of me. He holds my gaze and says, “I wasn’t happy.”
“You weren’t happy for years.”
“It got worse.”
“How much worse?”
He throws his arms up. “I don’t know, Kolton. Terrible? We were strangers living under the same roof.”
“Why, all of a sudden, did you leave?”
“Maybe I should ask why this is so important.”
“I just… need to know.” I swallow hard. “Please, Lucian.”
I’m tired. So fucking tired. I’ve slept like shit for days and I haven’t slept at all tonight. There’s so much bullshit going on in my life that I can’t focus on anything, I can’t sleep, and I’m just fucking miserable. Maybe if I have an answer to something, it’ll be enough that I can just get a moment of peace and fall asleep.
“I woke up one day and realized that I didn’t want to die unhappy.”
