Page 26 of Ruin
Chapter Ten
Lucian
Each time I walk away from him, it’s harder than the last. Even after all this time, it’s still devastating to give him my back, to let him know I’m not fighting harder for him—to give up. Or rather, give in. I haven’t given up on him, and I’m not sure I ever will. But I do have to give in and give him what he wants from time to time. The more I push, the more he pulls away. Whether he sees it or not, it is a game. One I am well versed in.
Kolton is fragile and he needs me to take things slow. Small steps. I learned that the hard way. In the beginning, I thought he would be different, considering the way things started. It was fast and heated, and I expected Kolton to be confident and take what he wants when he wants it. It’s not how he presents himself to the world, though. Kolton is on edge most of the time; he’s skittish like a wild animal. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he grew up around a ton of other kids and always got lost in the chaos, had to fight for attention. He’s borderline feral. But that’s just his personality. He’s guarded at all times, and to be fair, I can’t blame him. A lot of this is my fault, Iknow that. I fucked up too many times. But I haven’t stopped thinking about him. Not a single day has gone by that I didn’t think about him.
I should have declined the invitation for the charity event, but having a reason to come here, with the chance to see him, how could I pass it up? And now that I’m here, I don’t want to leave.
Not only because of him, though I doubt he’d believe that, but because of this town. It’s where I grew up. It was my home for a very long time, and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until returning.
When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to get out, go to college, live in the big city, get rich and live my life to the fullest. I had a big plan with big dreams and aspirations.
Some of those things happened, but not all of them. And what I did get wasn’t as great as I thought it’d be. Disappointment has been too common in my life, but I refuse to let that stop me from happiness.
But now that I’m older, that I’ve lived through my exciting years, I want peace. This town brings me that. Or maybe it really is just Kolton who gives that to me. Him being here is a selling point, of course. If I could have him again? I’d do anything to keep him. I fucked up all those years ago, too many times to count, and I regret every single one of them. All I want to do is make it up to him so I can fall asleep at night with him in my arms.
I’ve spent many nights reliving our moments together, the good and the bad. I’ve thought of what I would do differently, what I would do better, and what I wouldn’t change at all.
There were so many perfect moments, but a lot of messy ones too.
But if I could go back, if I really could go back and change things, I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t.
Things had to be this way. It was all for a reason, and I had many nights to think about that too. I wish things could have been different with Kolton and I, but this is just how it had to be.
Kolton doesn’t know why I didn’t come back to get him all those years ago.
He doesn’t know that I eventually told my wife of my affair with him.
My reason for leaving took up all my time, and before I knew what was going on, too much time had passed—ourtime had passed. I was at a different point in my life, something that needed my attention. There was no reason to come back here, and when there was a reason—Jack’s passing—I fucked that up too. I should have been here for those boys when their dad died, but I was ashamed. And so I stayed where I was, until my time there was done.
Things are different now, though, and if only Kolton would give me a chance, I could prove to him how much he means to me—how sorry I am. I miss him more than I can put intowords. My body misses him—I feel the loss deep in my bones. He is a part of me that I have learned to live without—but never wanted to. I crave him desperately. I need him the way I need air.
I’m convinced he’s still so angry because he feels the same way. Kolton and I were made for one another, I truly believe that. I’ve always believed it, ever since day one. Even when I went to sleep at night with my wife, I knew it was Kolton who should have been there.
That’s how things were supposed to be, but it’s not how they worked out.
Sometimes life sucks. A lot of times it’s unfair.
But we’re here now, and I don’t plan on backing down. I will show him that this is our story; this is how it’s meant to be. Back then wasn’t the right time, but now? Now we can have everything.
I should have told Kolton tonight that I don’t plan on leaving Pinehaven. I should have been honest with him and told him I bought a house here. I should have, but I didn’t. It didn’t feel right. He called me because he needed me, so I did as he asked. Whatever he needs that money for, it must be important. That’s what our meeting was about tonight, it was nothing more. It wasn’t about me. I’ll tell him everything and anything when he gives me his time. When I can convince him to talk to me, I’ll spill it all.
Tomorrow is a new day, and now that I’m here to stay, I have all the time in the world to get Kolton back. It’ll be worthevery curse, every sneer, every threat, just to be in his presence. Because Kolton is mine, and I will have him back.
Chapter Eleven
Kolton
When I handed the check to Kenting this morning and told him to donate the extra to the school to get better materials for the kids, he looked like he was going to pass out. At first, I thought it was because it was twelve grand more than he needed, but then I realized it was because he was wondering how I got all that money.
Murder? Extortion? Would someone come knocking on his door, demanding it back? And if they didn’t get it, would they take a limb instead? As if I’d put the kids in danger. He should know me better.
I’d considered writing forty thousand on that check instead of thirty. Fuck knows Lucian can afford it, the rich prick. He’s made a decent living from being a hot shot surgeon in Boston, but most of the millions he has came from his parents dying. Between what they had in assets and life insurance, he and three generations would be set for life.
He won’t miss the money, and I should have taken more just to prove a point—to prove that I can, that I wield the power here.
