Page 77 of Ruin
With my dick in his mouth, Kolton falls into a peaceful sleep. I watch him for hours, just looking down at his eyelids fluttering, the small but sharp intakes of breath through his nose. Insleep, he’s peaceful. I wish he could feel that peace during the day. I wish he could let go of all the anger he holds onto and move forward, move past it. Many times I wished I’d become a psychiatrist rather than a surgeon, but even if I had, he wouldn’t have talked to me. I am the problem here, and maybe if he had a friend, he’d have gotten over it by now. Not just me, but all of it. I know there’s pain there that has nothing to do with me. We never got to a point where he opened up to me about it. Kolton doesn’t open up to anyone.
I was never sure who he told and didn’t. Kolton didn’t have friends growing up. Kaison and him weren’t close, despite their close age. The more I thought about the interaction with Kaison at the bar, the more I’m sure he knows. Perhaps Kolton told him recently. Kaison isn’t the type of person to let his loved ones suffer, despite their feelings on the matter. So, of course, he’d be angry with me if he knew how much I hurt his brother.
Kolton was devastated when I left. I didn’t need someone to tell me that to know it. I knew how much it would hurt him when I couldn’t go back. The cowardly part of me was grateful I didn’t have to see it on his face. I’m not sure what I would have done. Life happened, and I didn’t see Kolton again until I came here recently.
Back then, Kaison would have noticed if something was off with Kolton. If he knew of us then, he would have put two and two together, and he would have found me. Kaison doesn’t need closeness to be loyal. Kolton is his brother, and he would doanything for him, even if they hated each other. That’s just the kind of man he is.
I anticipate Kolton waking up when the sun does. He won’t be happy about me still being here. Being together in the dark always was easier for us. We could hide, be ourselves, without anyone seeing. Hiding is what we did, but I don’t want to do that anymore. He was right when he said that we haven’t done this before. Not this. What we did before was… broken. We can’t have a repeat of that. We need to do this differently, better. We need to learn from our mistakes.
It’s around five in the morning when my eyes start drifting closed and I doze off, Kolton’s mouth still around my cock. It’s a warm sensation pooling in my stomach that wakes me. My eyes, gritty and dry, open and the pleasure makes sense.
“Fuck, Kolton,” I say, my hand going to the back of his head as he takes my dick to the back of his throat. I groan, letting my head fall back.
He moans around my dick, swallowing and sucking like his life depends on it. He grips my pants, pulling them down to get to my balls. He massages them gently, rubbing his spit in. His finger slowly makes its way downward, pressing on the spot just beneath my sac, and I hiss, the pleasure shooting up my spine.
“You give the best blow jobs,” I tell him. “You make me feel so good.”
Kolton moans again, sucking harder and bobbing his head slower, just the way I like—the way to drive me mad. Sucking me off was something he wanted to be good at, and it didn’t takehim long to figure out. Edging me became an art that he excelled at. We’d spend hours together with him doing it. I think it was a way for him to be in control, and that was fine with me because it felt amazing.
His finger slips further down and presses against my hole. I clench on instinct, even though I’ll gladly welcome him inside.
“Let me in,” he says, dragging his lips along my shaft. “Please.”
“Go slow,” I tell him. “It’s been a long time.”
He nods, kissing the base of my dick, then drags his tongue up the underside.
His eyes are bright, hair a mess. Cheekbones and chin sharp. There are tattoos everywhere, an uncountable amount. I bet we could spend a whole day talking about them.
I relax when he pushes his finger against me, and this time he breaches me. My toes curl, my hips moving to him, needing more.
Kolton is the only man I ever let inside me. Before my wife, I knew I found men attractive and had a few trysts, but I was the top. The way I took Kolton’s firsts, he also took some of mine.
With precision and care, he works his finger inside me, pressing upward.
“Oh, fucking hell,” I grit out, gripping onto the couch. My dick throbs, a bead of precum gathering at the tip. Kolton smirks when he leans in to lick it up, his eyes on mine.
“I like seeing you like this,” he says softly, as he pulls his finger out and slides back in.
“Desperate?”
“And needy. For me.”
“Always for you.”
His gaze goes to my dick as he wraps his hand around me to stroke slowly. “I miss the way your cum tastes.”
“Give me a minute and you’ll get plenty.”
He smirks. “Not if I have a say in it.”
“Fuck, Kolton. I can’t… Don’t do this now.”
“But it’s so much fun,” he comments, sliding his finger in deeper and squeezing my dick.
“Kolton,” I groan. “Fuck.”
I thrust my hips up, needing him to jerk me more. I’m right on the edge and need to come.
