Page 76 of Ruin
“Why am I so weak with you?” I ask.
Shaking his head, he finally turns to face me. “You’re far from weak, Kolton. You’ve been stronger than you should have to be. Especially when it comes to me.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
“Maybe you’re just looking at it wrong.”
Maybe I am.
Nothing in my life has ever felt right. Nothing but him. Maybe that’s because I’m doing it all wrong. No one has ever stuck around, and though I feel mostly okay with that, it destroyed me when Lucian left. Even after all the pain he caused, being next to him feels right. He feels right.
“I don’t know how to do this with you,” I admit.
“We’ve done it before.”
“No,” I say with a firm shake of my head. “We created a disaster last time. I can’t survive that again.”
Lucian shifts on the couch, scooting back to lean against the arm and works on his belt.
“Come here,” he says softly.
My stomach does a flip, my mouth watering.
“I know what you need, Kolton. Come here so you can think clearly.”
He pulls out his soft dick, long and thick, even like this.
I grit my teeth and turn my attention out to the darkened room, wondering if this is going to be a mistake too. Has everything been a mistake with him? No, not everything. So maybe, just maybe, this could be okay. It could be worth it.
There’s nothing in our way this time. Nothing but us.
But am I okay knowing it’ll only work this time because there’s nothing else? What if she comes back? What if Luke throws a fit over this? What if something drops into our laps that we can’t navigate? Who’s going to run first?
“Kolton,” he says more firmly, and I glance his way. “Come here, sweet boy.”
My eyes fall closed, and I take in a steady breath, then I move to lie on my stomach, resting my head on his warm thigh. I find his dick with my mouth, sucking on it gently like a pacifier. His fingers thread through my hair, my muscles relax, my eyes fall closed.
My mind is clear.
He’s always known what I needed and when. Lucian is a good man, and maybe I can forgive him for what happened… if he tells me why he left me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lucian
It’s been years since my dick has been in someone’s mouth. The last person to suck it was Kolton. But that isn’t what this is. This isn’t sexual, it’s healing. It’s something we found all those years ago, that soothes us both. I know it’s common enough, but I can’t begin to explain how it works. Just being connected to him, I guess. The amount of trust and comfort you need with someone to do this is extraordinarily high. It’s rare. There’s comfort in that alone.
I brush my fingers through Kolton’s thick dark hair. It’s longer than it was years ago. More for me to grab onto, but those aren’t the thoughts I need to have right now.
He’s grown up into a man, but I still see my sweet boy behind those eyes. Buried behind all the pain and stone, I know he’s in there.
I’ve done a lot of wrong in my life, but there are a few things I am proud of, a few things I did right. Giving in to him all those years ago is one thing I did right. I’ve never felt love from anyone the way I have from Kolton, and I was a fool for letting itgo. I should have handled the situation differently, and one day, when things between him and I are good, I’ll explain it all.
I need to be very clear with him. Leaving him there had nothing to do with my marriage. It had nothing to do with Beth. It had nothing to do with the affair Kolton and I were having. I’ll explain it all to him one day, when the time is right. That isn’t today.
Becoming a doctor was another thing I did right. It gave me something to live for, something outside of my family. Something that helped others and made me feel important and worth something.
The best thing of all though, is my son. Kolton and I had conversations about Luke, and though I wasn’t sure how he would react, he was never a reason for not being with Kolton. I love my son. He’s the only child I have, and I would do anything for him. But by the time Kolton and I were a thing, Luke was an adult. He no longer needed me to take care of him, and though I would still do anything for him, it’s not up to him to dictate what I do with my life. If he couldn’t accept my choices, then he would have to deal with that. I taught him all about respect and worth, and I wish I could know how he would take me being with Kolton. Would it bring them closer or would it be a point of contention? He and Kolton never were close, but maybe Kolton and me being together could have changed that.
