Page 70 of Ruin
“It’s more complicated than that.”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “Yeah. It always is, isn’t it, Lucian?”
“You don’t understand—”
“Don’t give me that shit!” I slam my hand onto the console, pretty sure I cracked it. “I’m not a child.”
“That isn’t what I was going to say.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, reaching for the button to start the truck.
When the engine roars to life, the lights come on. I reach to shift into Drive, but Lucian grabs my arm.
“All those times before, when I said you wouldn’t understand, I should have tried to help you understand. I shouldn’t have brushed it off, but I was a coward. This is different, Kolton.”
“Why should I believe you?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
“And you promised me the truth then, too!”
“I never lied to you.”
“Are you fucking kidding?” I bark. “You left me waiting like a fucking idiot!”
“You won’t un—”
“Say I won’t understand again and I swear to fucking God I will leave you here for the bears!”
It’s silent for a few moments, nothing but the engine and the bugs chirping.
“I want you to understand. I want to tell you everything, but I’m not ready for that yet.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
Anger is a familiar feeling to me, but this? This is so much more. This is rage and hurt mixed together, making a toxic emotion that I can’t handle.
“It means a lot has changed in my life, and though I want you to be a part of it, I can’t open myself up to you on the off chance you come back to me.”
“So I don’t get info unless I give in?”
“I’d choose better words, but sure.”
“Then I guess I’ll never know.”
I get out of my truck when I pull up to my house and move toward the door.
“Kolton!” Lucian calls, but I keep going. I’m done with him, with this.
Every time I consider giving him a chance, he reminds me why I shouldn’t.
He’ll never be able to give me all of him, even if he isn’t with his wife anymore. I should have known it wouldn’t change just because of that.
“Kolton, damn it,” he shouts, jogging after me. He manages to get in front of me, stopping just before I reach the door.
“How is it fair of you to ask me to trust you if you don’t do the same?” he asks.
“Because I waited for you!” I shout in his face. “I wasn’t the one who leftyou, Lucian. If anyone has something to prove, it’s you. I proved my trust for you years ago, and I shouldn’t be made to do it again, all because you’ve suddenly figured your life out.”
