Page 38 of Ruin
“That would have been less creepy,” is what he says.
It takes a moment, but then I realize what he’s saying.
“You followed me.”
He shrugs.
I huff out a disbelieving laugh. “Fucking ridiculous. What do you want?”
I shouldn’t ask him because it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to know what he wants. What I need is for him to get the hell off my property and never come back. In fact, he should leave town altogether. He doesn’t belong here.
“To talk to you.”
“About what?”
Stop talking, Kolton. Stop fucking giving in. You don’t need to know what he wants to talk to you about. It doesn’t matter. He’s an asshole. He hurt you. He fucking broke you. Tell him to get off your property or you’ll shoot him.
But of course I do none of that.
I stand in my doorway, letting the cool breeze wash over me as I wait for him to answer. Though, I already know what he’s going to say. All the while, I’m being tortured because his smell has already creeped into my house.
“I think you know.”
“Tell me anyway.”
With a sigh, he shifts his feet.
“Us.”
A bitter smile crosses my face.
“You fucking joking?”
He shakes his head once, his expression pained.
“Not at all.”
I hear the torment in his voice. But why should he be allowed to feel that way after what he did?
I step over the threshold, slamming my door behind me and getting face to face.
“You did this to us. Now you get to fucking deal with it.”
I shove past him, hating the way my skin warms where we touch and hating even more that his scent follows me.
“Kolton, just give me a chance,” he calls out, but I keep going.
I hop on my bike and from the corner of my eye, I see him standing on my porch, still watching me.
As I drive off, part of me hopes he’ll be waiting there when I get back.
Despite battling my feelings all day, I still think about Lucian being on my doorstep when I get home. I wonder what it wouldbe like to pull up my driveway and see him standing in that same spot. How would I feel? On the outside? Angry. But deep down? Relief. Joy. But none of that matters because it won’t last. My happiness with Lucian will never last because I will never be who he chooses. Why is that so hard for me to grasp? It’s been long enough.
He isn’t on my porch when I get home. Even through the darkness I see how empty it is. It hits me harder than it should.
This is the problem with him. He’s the king of creating disappointment. I see him and I get my hopes up and he lets me down. I’m not sure he’s capable of anything else. He’s hurt me more than anyone in this entire world, and yet I still can’t let it go.
I’ve been through this. I’ve been here, I’ve done this, and I was hurt. I’m still fucking hurt.
