Page 16 of Castaway Whirlwind
He shakes his head. “No. Not this time. It’s a gift. You don’t have to do anything to earn a gift.”
He sees how much I’m struggling, guilt festering at the idea that he’s spent so much money on me when I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
His voice cracks when he says, “Layla…”
I drop the package and raise my arms moments beforeRussell wraps his around my back. Rolling up on my tiptoes, I circle his neck, crying into his broad chest. I tighten my hold when we reach the acceptable time limit of when a hug is supposed to end, nowhere near ready to let go when this is one of the most meaningful hugs I’ve ever received.
“Take as long as you need, darlin’.”
I cry harder. His voice, so deep and soft, whispered in my ear, leaves me reeling as if my world has been knocked off-kilter while he holds my fragile pieces together.
Being ten inches taller than me, Russell has to hunch over. I can’t go up any higher on my tiptoes, though I try, hoping I’m not hurting his back in my desperation to extend the hug. He lifts me, my feet dangling off the floor so he can stand straight after another minute.
If he were my boyfriend, I’d lift my legs to wrap them around his waist like I really,reallywant to. But he’s not, and the first thing I say when I finally catch my breath is, “My dad would have loved you.”The kind of manIcould love.
“No, he wouldn’t have,” he grumbles low.
“Yes, he would.” Even if he would have made me politely decline Russell’s gifts. “He used to call me darlin’ just like you. And he’d…he’d…” A sob keeps me from finishing my sentence. “I miss him so much.”
Russell seems to vibrate against me, and he kisses my temple. I love it. I want him to do it again. I stroke the thick hair at the nape of his neck, pressing on the back of his head so hewilldo it again. And when he does, I whimper, almost moan at how good it feels. He gives me a third kiss when I twist my head, his lips brushing my cheek close to my mouth, his beard course against my skin, then carries me out of the bathroom, still dangling in his arms until he sets me on myfeet in front of my closet.
I drop my head, beyond mortified by my actions, my weakness, gross desperation, and neediness. I don’t look up until he presses something soft into my arms.My teddy bear. My cheeks heat, and I try to hide it behind my back. He pulls it back around, then lifts me again, carrying me to my bed. After setting me on the edge of the mattress, he takes a knee before me.
Russell thumbs the ribbon around the bear’s neck, opening the heart-shaped tag. “Your dad gave this to you.” It’s not a question.
I nod, reading what’s been written in blue ink inside the heart:
To my darling daughter.
Love always, Dad
I stroke one of the fuzzy paws. “How did you know?”
“I found it hidden in your closet earlier when I checked out the apartment.”
I sniff and rub my nose. “I know, it’s embarrassing.”
“No, it’s not. It’s special.”
I snort. “You don’t think it’s embarrassing that a grown woman still has a teddy bear?”
Russell tips my head up with the edge of his finger below my chin. “I still have the stuffed grizzly bear my son gave me for Father’s Day in first grade that has #1 DAD embroidered in a heart on its chest.”
I tilt my head to the side, admiring how clear his blue eyes are, and ask self-deprecatingly, “But do you sleep with it?” For years, I’ve had to hide my teddy bear in my pillow case so I could have it close without Steven knowing since he would have thought it was childish.
“Sometimes, yeah, I do.”
“Liar.”
He cracks a grin. “Ok, yeah, that was a lie. But I do keep it in my room on a shelf and take it down from time to time, remembering the early years when Paul was small. Missing them, too, sometimes.”
“That’s sweet.”
“So are you.” Something flashes in his eyes, but it’s wiped before I can pinpoint what it was.
I jolt when the alarm on my phone goes off, and Russell stands quickly. He clears his throat a few times before asking, “Time to get ready?”
I stand, too. “Yeah.”
