Page 101 of Heartfelt Pain
“It’ll be hard,” I tell him frankly. “But it’s so worth it, having something of your own. Write out a business plan and set goals. It’s better to fail at trying than not fail at all.”
“You really think. . .”
“Yes, Roma.” I roll my eyes, though, I’m still turned away on my side. “Zimin’s have an annoying habit of being successful at everything they do anyway. Open your own car shop. You can do it.”
His hand glides along my spine.
I pull the duvet closer to my face, my cheek sinking into the pillow. “But I can’t have anything to do with it.”
The back of his knuckles stop their caress.
“I mean—”my hand tangles with the sheet—“if you do this, it’s got to be for yourself. Not because you think it’s the only way.”
“The only way?”
The dark grows taut between us.
“I love my job. I know I’m having issues right now but?—”
“Issues—” he tries to ask.
I never told him everything and now’s not the time.
“But I love my work. Obviously if we’re together there might be some. . .”
“I just told you I’m stepping back from the family business,” he says.
“Exactly. But it’s got to be for you. Not because you’re dropping everything for a girl.”
“You’re not just a girl.”
“I’m swooning.” I don’t think he appreciates the sarcasm. “I’m not going to be the reason you throw your life all up in the air. If you want to open a garage, it’s got to be for you. Not because you’re proving a point to me.”
Silence buzzes around us.
Isolde told me I’d have to let go of the past. My entire line of work is a scarier version of forgive but don’t forget. You always remember the mob bosses that screw you over. Yet, I somehow ended up in bed with Roma again.
The bed shifts and I close my eyes knowing before he even says the words.
“Can I tell you my side of things,” he whispers. “And not because I’m offering you excuses or anything. There aren’t words for how fucking deeply ashamed I am of what happened. But can I at least tell you my side of things?”
“What happened?” I try to keep the sarcasm out of thewords but fail. Bitterness is a well-trained habit. But I regret it as soon as they come out. “Sorry. I. . . okay.”
Roma toys with the ends of my hair.
“I’d just graduated with my business degree. It’s a fairly standard major in our line of work. Elijah was still over in Oxford and Max of course graduated top of his class and he went straight to work. He’s a complete stoic asshole but color me fucking surprised when it turns out everyone for the most part liked him. He’s that good at his job and always fair to the people around him because there is no favoritism when you play by the rules.”
I don’t know if the Zimins have ever played by the rules. But I understand his point. Max does things by the book.
“Aunt Macy’s death surprised everyone. I’m not sure why because she’d been on death’s doorstep the past fifteen years. But I remember the ripple when the news came through. Everyone assumed Cliff would keep at it and I don’t think people had much of an issue.”
That part is a lie but I keep my mouth shut. Lev obviously always liked Cliff. But it turned out my cousin didn’t have as many allies in the city as he thought he did.
“Then we heard about you. The long lost niece who showed up from the Midwest.” He plays with a strand of my hair. “Dad can find opportunities in almost everything. Dima thought he was stupid.”
My fingers dig into the thick duvet. I shouldn’t take it as a compliment—I don’t. But it’s nice knowing at least one brother had some sense.
“Dad said you didn’t know anything about this world. You’d either get yourself killed or the Feds would show up at some point. He’d wanted to know more about Aunt Macy’s operation for a while. And keeping an eye on the triggerman throughout the city can be convenient. Plus, who wouldn’t want to control contracts between the differentsyndicates.”
