Page 99 of Until Tomorrow
“Sounds good,” he said before hanging up.
As I walked down the block to my usual bar, I texted the location to Rhett. At least with him on the way, I wouldn’t feel as bad if I started.
And boy did I fucking start.I was onto my third beer by the time Rhett joined me. I pushed the full glass in his direction and flagged down the waitress for more.
“Want to tell me what’s got you all worked up?” Rhett asked.
“You know that friend I’m in love with?” I began, not saying a word to the waitress as I accepted another drink. The beer tasted like crap, but that didn’t stop me from gulping down a third of the glass before I continued. “Turns out, he’s not so straight. He’s bi-curious or bi-sexual or something. Either way, he’s got a wife, and he’s now got a boyfriend. And it’s not me.”
“I’d hazard a guess that you just found out.”
“Yup. I took your advice and signed up for that stupid app. Turns out he’s on that app and talking to men on that app. He has a boyfriend—a partner on top of having a wife. And neither of them is me.”The beer was definitely amplifying my bitter feelings.I was on a fucking roll, and Rhett just sat there as I ranted it all out. “I’ve pined for that fucking man for my whole goddamn life thinking that there wasn’t a chance in hell he could ever like me because I have a dick. Well, guess what? He likes dick! The man likes dick! And you know what? I’m still not good enough. I will never be good enough for him. I wasn’t even good enough for him to tell! I had to find out through a fucking app. A fucking app, Rhett!”
“To play devil’s advocate here, do you think maybe he wasn’t comfortable telling you?” Rhett took a sip of his beer while I made a face. “You’re thinking why, aren’t you?”
“You bet your probably tattooed ass, I fucking am! Gay man! I like dick! Ilovedick.” I gestured to all of myself. He chuckled, and I noticed how heads turned my way. I waved them off as I barked, “There’s nothing to see! Just a grumpy fucking gay man! Find some other source of entertainment.”
“I should go drinking with you more often,” he said, grinning. “You’re prime entertainment.”
“I’m a riot usually,” I informed him. “And not pining over my not-straight best friend.”
“Next time. Going back to my point, I get that you like dick—I think the whole bar knows now—but this is a whole new thing for your best friend,” he said. “I mean, he’s what? Your age? So, old as fuck—”
“Hey, now!” I exclaimed as I frowned deeply at the insult. “I’m not that old! I haven’t even hit forty yet!”
“Either way,” Rhett continued loudly over me, cracking a grin, “this guy thought he had his whole fucking life figured out, you know? Wife, job, friends, identity, the whole nine yards. Can you imagine thinking you have it all figured out and then one day…bam! One moment changes fucking everything?
“I tried to kiss him,” I interjected. Rhett faltered, eyes narrowing while he considered me. Judged me?Oh, he was definitely judging me for my stupidity.“To be fair, I wasreallydrunk when I did it.”
Drunk enough to lose my inhibitions, but not drunk enough to forget it. That day had stuck in my head—played on repeat late at night when I was lonely and my dick was in my hand. Admittedly, not my best moment in life. But I never dreamed that it’d come back to bite me in the ass like this.
“Either way, his entire life just went up in flames, Elliot,” Rhett continued as he ignored my admission. “I don’t know. It sounds fucking miserable to me.”
I glared at him.Damn man made sense.The problem was that I did get it, especially when he put it that way. Logan was all order and structure and that kind of shit. He’d had his whole life plotted before we ever started high school, and he’d hit every one of those goddamn milestones. Who the hell did that?
This sudden wrench in his plan probably had him a fucking mess. No, I knew it had him a mess. It just killed me that he wouldn’t let me be there for him. I could learn to live with the whole not wanting me thing. I’d dealt with that for my whole fucking life. I’d get over the sting of not being wanted, even with Logan dating men.
But not telling me? Not thinking I could support him through it all fucking hurt.Our friendship was supposed to be stronger than that.
“I hate you and your smart mechanic-sculptor-band man logic,” I muttered into my beer. “I don’t want to see it from his point of view. I want to sulk and hate the universe for laughing at me because I’m in love with my now non-straight best friend, who still doesn’t want me. Just let me have this.”
“I’m all in for miserable moping,” he replied. “God fucking knows I’ve sat at one too many bar stools doing just that. We need more beer and one hell of a shitty cheers phrase for the night.”
Oh, that sounded fun.I pondered it.
“To unrequited love,” I said all too loudly, holding up my beer, “may karma fuck her in the ass because she sucks.”
“Here, here.” Rhett clinked his glass to mine.
“I know you don’t care, but I appreciate your enthusiasm,” I told him after I downed my glass.
“Friends don’t let friends drink alone,” he replied with a shrug.
“Are we friends?”
“I think twenty-three blow job jokes between us means we are. I also think firehouse confessionals have made us friends as well.”
“To twenty-four hours of blow jobs!” I clinked my glass on the table. When he opened his mouth to say something, I waved him off. “You know we’ll get there. I keep hitting curbs, and Agatha can’t take a beating.Drink!”
