Page 69 of Until Tomorrow
“That doesn’t mean that!”
“It does.” He showed me the photoalpha-man-forty-fivehad sent me after two messages. “First thought that comes to mind?”
“Overcompensating,” I answered. “Pencil thin.”
“Here we go… gives a whole new meaning to number two pencil.” As he said it, I giggled.God, this was horrible.“And… blocked.”
“Why are you here?” I asked before he could move on to the next one.
“I had to see if my favorite stalker was here,” he said without ever looking up.
“You’re a terrible liar,” I told him.
“I know. I’m not trying,” Rhett replied. “To be honest, I wrapped up work, and I didn’t want to be alone. I come here sometimes to unwind before taking my bike out for a late-night ride. I like being alone in a room full of people. Social interaction without all the extra shit.”
I understood that. Wasn’t I sort of doing the same thing?
“Why would you bother connecting with someone withthats-art-for-youas his handle?” he asked. “His dick is the art.”
“Are all handles dick related with men?” I demanded.
“No, some guys just really love their dogs and their jobs,” he replied. “But most of them are.”
“Your kind is ridiculous,” I muttered.Again, it was no wonder so many women didn’t date.
“I’d apologize for men but they don’t fucking deserve you,” he said, and I smiled because those words were awful familiar.
“Okay, who’s next?” I scooted as close as I could, and his arm settled along the back of the booth.
“We’re still onthats-art-for-you.”
“Too small.”
“I’m just putting that… and block.” This was possibly the most ridiculous way to spend our time, but what did I care? It wasn’t like I wanted to date any of them. “Is his handleleaning-tower-of-penis?”
“With two e’s in penis,” I said, giggling. “I found it funny. It really did lean that much.”
“Too crooked… and blocked.” As he swiped to the next conversation, he sighed a little too dramatically. “Spark plug, his handle literally sayspierced-for-fun.Whywould you connect with him?”
“I thought he meant like his ears or something!”
“It’s always the dick! When in doubt, assume the dick,” Rhett told me. He ticked off on his fingers, “Dogs, dads, and jobs are the most glaringly obvious ones. Dogs and babies are an easy way to attract women. They’re cute, easy to talk about, and everyone usually loves them. Jobs are an easy conversation starter and also attract women. Want a guy with money? Oh, look. He’s a lawyer. Want a guy who won’t be around much and just wants to hook up? Look at that. He’s a pilot. Everything else—video games, movies, music, whatever—it’s a crapshoot if women will get it or not. If it’s not remotely obvious, you assume it’s about his dick. Always.”
“What would your handle be?” I asked curiously.
“Probably something about being a mechanic. I don’t know. I haven’t had any desire to go on one of these things. I’ve heard enough horror stories. Back topierced-for-fun.”
“Should he at least get points for putting his poor dick through that?” I asked. The dick in question had four metal piercings through the bottom and a hoop through the tip. I didn’t even want to know how that worked for sex. What if it got caught? “That’s so intense!”
“It’s not remotely the most intense thing he could’ve done,” Rhett scoffed, sounding unimpressed.
“Oh? And what’s more intense than that?”
“Penile beading. Also called pearling”
“Excuse me… what? You saidwhat now?”
“It’s not the most intense thing. There’s worse,” he said. “But the long short of it is, there’s a body modification procedure where a guy has his dick cut open just enough so beads can be inserted under the surface of the skin. They’re splintered until the skin heals up and the beads are permanently implanted in place. It’s considered extreme enough that it’s illegal in most states. It’s more of a… if you know someone who does it and they’re willing to do it on you kind of thing.”
