Page 43 of Until Tomorrow
“I love that sound,” I continued when she peeked out at me with a grin.That brilliant smile.I absolutely adored it.
“You look so good on paper, sweetheart,” she teased but frowned. “Oh, God… that’s a dated reference.”
“Yes, it is.” I nodded. She tossed the pillow back in its spot and rolled on her side to face me.
“So… age?”
“Let’s stick with thirty to fifty.”
“Oh. You could end up with a silver fox,” she said.
“Give it five more years, and I’ll be the silver fox,” I muttered.
“Oh, stop that.” She fluffed the hair at my temple. “I love your grays… all three of them.”
“Three counts,” I told her. Her fingers trailed down my cheek and lingered on my chin. She wouldn’t say it, but I knew she wanted me to keep the beard. I’d never been a beard guy.Granted, I never thought I was a man attracted to other men so who fucking knew. Maybe I was a beard guy.
“What else?” Eva asked.
“Is it bad form to be like… please, have a job and don’t be a criminal?” I replied.
“I mean, there are ways to figure out the first one when you’re talking to them.”
“I have to figure out how to hide my identity on this thing. I can’t have clients seeing that. Or anyone in my office.”
Not that I worried too much about the latter.
“I have ten pictures cropped for you to pick from,” she said. “I’ve seen quite a few profiles do that with someone about discretion for the sake of their job.”
“Discretion for the sake of my job,” I repeated quietly. The words hit deeper than expected—some kind of profound neon light that I was actually making a dating profile. “I’m really doing this, aren’t I?”
“I’m proud of you,” she whispered. “A lot of people wouldn’t. Not if they were where you are. It’s admirable, Logan.”
“I think admirable is stretching it.”
“Stop that,” Eva chastised. “It’s a hard thing to realize there are parts of your life that are lacking and then doing something about it instead of settling. A lot of people don’t have that kind of courage—and I don’t mean just in a situation like yours. How many people won’t take the risk because they’re afraid they’ll fall? That job, that move, that breakup… whatever it is. A lot of people just settle because it’s safe.”
“Yeah,” I replied quietly. She wasn’t wrong. How long had I played things safe? I was good at my job, but did I love it? Not particularly. It guaranteed I made good money to support both of us.
“So, what you’re doing… it’s admirable, Logan.”
“Are you scared?” I asked, curious as to what she was thinking about everything. She was incredibly meticulous about her process but almost detached.
“I don’t know if I’m scared per se,” Eva admitted. “But I’m nervous. I likeTumblebecause it lets me put down that I’m looking for something more platonic than sexual. I don’t care about sex. If it happens… then okay, but I’m not looking for it. I just want to meet someone who gets me. And I put that I’m interested in all genders. I don’t know if that will help me any. I don’t want to do one of those big meet-up apps. I’m not cut out for big crowds.”
She wasn’t. Eva was great at close, personal connections in individual relationships. She kept everyone else at arm’s length when groups were involved.
“So, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing, and that makes me nervous. I just… want more than you and Elliot in my life.”
“I think it’ll be okay,” I said. “You’re an incredible person, Eva. And anyone who can’t see that isn’t worth your time.”
Thank God my wife had no problem stomping on toes when she needed to. I would’ve worried so much more about her putting herself out there if she was so easily swayed by others.
“I think…” Her teeth sank into her lower lip as her voice trailed off like she wasn’t sure how to say what she wanted to say. Reaching between us, I took her hand and squeezed. “I think… I think I want to go to college.”
My eyes widened.That wasn’t something I’d expected.Eva had gone through half a semester of college before quitting because it wasn’t for her. She wanted a job to pay the bills, and that was it.
“Don’t quote me on that,” she rushed to say before I could reply. “It’s just a thought. I have a lot of thoughts. I don’t know what’s going to pan out and what won’t right now. I’m very… all over the place.”
