Page 39 of Until Tomorrow
Had she really been sleeping like this? Living like this?I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
“Eva, we have guest rooms,” I said while she kicked off her heels. As if to prove my point, I gestured up the far stairs.
“You’re in all our guest rooms,” she replied simply.
“What does that mean?”
“The first guest bedroom has all your golf and tennis stuff,” Eva reminded me. “The second and third are full of all your brothers’ stuff. And the fourth has a bunch of pictures and all your keepsake stuff. They’re all your rooms. The living room was neutral ground.”
I frowned. They weren’t my rooms—at least, they weren’t supposed to be.
“They’re your rooms too, honey,” I told her.
“No, they’re not. I have the closet.” She faltered in the doorway to our bedroom and scrutinized me, those pouty lips of hers pursing together. “It’s okay, Logan. I just don’t… keep stuff. Maybe that makes me a little broken—”
“You’re not broken.”
“—but it’s okay,” she continued over me. “I have a few things put up in the closet, I have my little bookshelf in the bedroom with books from Elliot, and that’s it. That’s okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. I stared around the living room for all the little things that were just hers. I struggled to find anything. There were pictures of us as a couple throughout the years, pictures of my family, gifts from my family, and more. Yes, my family had all but adopted Eva.Hell, my dad would pick Eva in the divorce without a second thought for me.But still. There wasn’t anything uniquely her.
How had I missed it?
Chapter 25
Eva
Neitherofusslept.Maybe it was the emotions between us after a long night, or maybe it was the fact that I had him sleeping on our living room floor, or maybe it was something completely different. Whatever it was, we just lay there in the dark with quiet piano music playing. I didn’t like silence. It stressed me out. We had a simple soundtrack we played all night long that made the hours pass more easily.
“May I?” Logan whispered.
“Yeah,” I said softly, knowing exactly what he meant. His fingers brushed over my cheek and along my jawline. Logan was practically blind without his glasses. It was only a slight exaggeration. According to him, he could see rough shapes and a whole lot of blurred mess. Whenever he took off his glasses, he felt lost despite having had poor vision his entire life.
Touching helped. It was innocent yet intimate as he traced the features in my face like a roadmap to seeing me. He knew every dip and curve after a lifetime together, but that didn’t stop him from experiencing them all over again.
“What are you thinking?” I asked. I could practically feel his anxious energy through his touch.
“A million things… nothing… I don’t know,” he admitted. When the pad of his thumb smoothed over my bottom lip, I kissed it briefly.
“Try for me,” I encouraged, keeping my tone as gentle as I could. Sometimes, Logan needed coaxing to come out of his anxious shell. While his parents were wonderful people, he and his brothers weren’t raised with any kind of emotional awareness. I wasn’t either, but being a woman made it easier to be allowed the deep dive of sharing what I felt. He struggled, and I hated that for him.
“I feel…” He sighed heavily. “I feel like my world imploded, and I’m left grasping at all the little pieces… clinging to them and hoping I can make some sense out of it all.”
Oh, Logan.My breath caught in my chest as I waited for him to say more.
“I feel stupid, Eva,” Logan said quietly. “Why now? Why at all? I didn’t want this.”
“No one ever truly wants their sexuality,” I replied. “It’s just a part of who we are.”
“I know. I just… I like our life… liked our life,” he corrected. “I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. And I just… if I wasn’t this… way, then I never would’ve hurt you.”
I wanted to bop him on the nose. Or scold him for thinking such things. Ridiculous man. But I knew better. That wouldn’t help at all.
“It’s not about the way you are, Logan,” I reassured him. “I don’t care if you like men. And I’m not even mad about the divorce anymore.”
“No?”
“No,” I promised.And I wasn’t.“Most things happen for a reason, sweetheart.”
