Page 35 of Until Tomorrow
“I have a plan of attack.” She patted her binder, making me chuckle. “You like my plans of attack.”
“I love your plans of attack,” I replied. This whole sitting on opposite sides of the table was getting to me. I wanted to be closer to her. We were always very particular about public displays of affection—something we’d grown into as our social groups changed.But fuck, I wanted to be close to my wife.In the most indelicate way possible, I scooted my chair around the curve of the table to do just that. As I draped an arm around the back of her seat, she inched near me on instinct. I breathed her in deep, reveling in that soft floral scent of her soap.The bar of soap just didn’t cut it.“Tell me what you have, please?”
“First and foremost, we need to define what it is that we each want and need from this arrangement,” Eva said. “And then we need to set the rules for how we want this to work. I vetted apps and found one that I think will work for both of us.”
“Both of us?” I frowned, not entirely following her. I understood me using it, but Eva? That was a different story.
“Yes.” She licked her lips—her telltale sign of being uncomfortable. I rubbed her upper back and waited her out. “I realized that… I don’t know who I am outside of being your wife. I love you, and I love our life, but I’ve lost myself.”
“I never meant for that to happen,” I told her quickly. My frown deepened as I thought it through, though. The problem was that she was right. Her life was immensely entangled in my career and my career-related social life. Of course, there was Elliot, and while I knew they were close, she only knew Elliot because he was my best friend. “I’m sorry, Eva.”
“Don’t be sorry, Logan,” she replied. “I did it to myself. And while I don’t necessarily regret it, I just don’t know who I am anymore. There were a few moments where… I didn’t know what I was going to do because everything I am is intricately tied into your life. I don’t want that. I want to find myself again.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t know what that looks like. Maybe it’s dating, maybe it’s not. I want to meet new people and try new things. I want to… to be someone outside of being just your wife.”
“You’ve always been so much more than my wife, Eva, but I understand where you’re coming from,” I said. Did I ever think I’d be talking about my wife dating other people? Not a chance. Then again, I never thought I’d be talking about dating men either, but here we were. “Admittedly, it’ll be an adjustment. Both of us dating other people.”
“If it doesn’t work, it’s okay. It’s not a lifestyle for everyone. Just keep talking to me, and I’ll keep talking to you. We’ll figure out the rest, no matter what happens.” Those gorgeous blue eyes caught mine. “The divorce papers are signed if we end up needing them. I don’t want you to be miserable, but I also can’t give up more of myself for you.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to.” Leaning into her, I kissed her temple. “Whatever you need, just tell me. I’m sorry I didn’t notice—”
“I didn’t notice.” She shrugged. “I didn’t until we were done, and I… it’s how I ended up here. Okay, Elliot is why I ended up here because I don’t even have a coffee shop that’s not tied to your choices. And then I met Amelia here.”
Ah. So, that was how we ended up in this direction.
“Well,” I began as I reached across the table. I took one of the notebooks and opened it. Scrawled on the top in her swirly handwriting was‘What Logan Needs’. I cocked a brow curiously.
“I was hopeful,” Eva said. “You bought five bars of my soap.”
Yes, I had bought five bars of her soap. And no, it still wasn’t right. I did save them to give to her, though. No point in wasting it.
“Still doesn’t quite smell like you,” I admitted. I had an oddly intense appreciation for all the little things that made Eva so intricatelyher. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“So, how about this: we set our rules, but we keep them flexible. I think this will take some time for us to adjust to and find our footing,” I said. “I also need a little time to figure out what it is that I need. I know… I know enough about what I need, but I still need time to figure out how to word it. How to put action to it.”
“Okay.”
“And then we can decide the best way to proceed forward with me coming home—”
“You can come home tonight as long as you don’t care that everything is in chaos,” Eva interrupted. I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask what chaos looked like.
“Are you sure? We have a lot to go through here…” My voice trailed off.God, I wanted to go home.What was I doing, trying to talk her into not letting me come home?
“If you’re not ready to come home, you don’t have to, Logan. But I’m ready for you to come home. I’m ready for whatever comes next,” she told me. I studied her pretty face, taking in the determination and fire in her eyes. That look was one I hadn’t seen in a long time—a glimpse of the woman she used to be.
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, Eva.”
Chapter 23
Eva
Loganneverheldmyhand anymore. I was in some kind of heaven with my fingers laced through his.Why had we ever stopped?When did it become my arm draped through his wherever we went, like I was some piece of arm candy to be shown off? It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the fact that Logan wanted to show me off, but I missed holding his hand.So much.I liked the feel of his long fingers laced through mine and the weight of his wedding ring against my skin.
The whole drive to Elliot’s apartment, he held my hand. And on the way up in the elevator. And down the hall toward his apartment.
