Page 18 of Until Tomorrow
“So, let’s break this down a bit.” Uncapping her marker, she went back to her drawing board. “Let’s revisit Liam and Lydia. They’re married again. No kids, but he put a ring on it. But… what if Lydia also had a girlfriend?”
“Their dynamic would look something like this.” She gestured to the diagram. “Or what if Liam was bisexual? And he met a man—we’ll call him James—that he wanted to date?”
My pen dropped to the floor, rolling down the aisle in a way I’d never catch. My cheeks flamed red as a few people noticed, and I did my best not to sink down in my seat with embarrassment.
Because suddenly it wasn’t Lydia and Liam with James.
No, now it was Eva and Logan with Elliot flashing like a neon sign on a whiteboard as the purpose of my presence there became clear.
“Both of these variations offer fulfilling relationships that both Liam and Lydia couldn’t find between themselves,” Amelia explained.Like Logan wanting to date men.“And yet, love is fluid. It fits perfectly in all these molds. And it continues to work,even if it looks something like… this…”
“Lydia has both Liam and Michelle, while Liam has both Lydia and James. It still works. But let’s take it a little further. Let’s say that while these are committed long-term relationships, Michelle also engages in a casual sexual relationship with Carl from time to time. And in this case, it could be Steve or Mike or whoever she chooses based on the boundaries set between her and Lydia.”
“The concept of love and relationships still fits this mold because it worksfor them,” Amelia explained. “Because it works for the group of them—new and old partners.”
Shequickly erased the board and created a new diagram.
“And guess what? Same-sex relationships aren’t required. It works however they want. Liam could be married to Lydia and have a happy, lasting marriage while still in a relationship with Rebecca and Stacy. And Lydia could be happily married to Liam while also in committed relationships with Michael and Jacob,” she exclaimed. “It works because it’s what they want for themselves.”
“But why would someone want more than one partner?” the guy in the front row asked again. “I can’t keep track of one girl, let alone two.”
“And that’s okay,” Amelia said. She perched on the edge of her desk as she continued talking. “That works foryou. But Liam and Lydia have different needs. There’s nothing wrong with having more needs than a single person can fill. You see, the connection between Liam and Lydia will be different than the connection between Liam and Rebecca. Neither one is more important than the other, even if Liam put a ring on Lydia’s finger years before he met Rebecca. Why? Because Rebecca isn’t Lydia and Lydia isn’t Rebecca. The relationship he cultivates with both women will be individually satisfying because it comes from a place of connection. What that connection is will be determined between the individual couples involved. But wanting more connections likethis—creating and maintaining several relationships like this—doesn’t mean that any of the individual relationships are necessarily lacking. There’s nothing wrong with Liam and Lydia’s relationship because Liam wants or needs something more in his life.”
Her gaze settled on mine across the lecture hall. My breath was caught in my throat as I clung to every word she said like gospel.
“Society calls them non-traditional relationships,” she stated. “And I hate that term. A relationship is a relationship, no matter who is involved, no matter the dynamics, and no matter how many people are involved. When we love someone, it fits into the mold that we create. The one that fits our needs, our wants, our desires. If you took one hundred traditional couples married with two kids and polled them… what they need, what they want, and what they desire will be individualistic to their dynamic. That’s just a fact. Those things can’t be unilaterally decided for a population, no matter how hard anyone tries to do exactly that.”
“What happens if a couple has had a solidified mold for years, and it no longer works?” I asked before I could stop myself. All eyes turned in my direction while Amelia smiled. “What if one partner—or both—suddenly finds themselves needing more when that wasn’t the original relationship plan?”
“Ms. Cartwright-Ashwood, class. She’s sitting in for observational purposes,” Amelia told them. “No mold is solidified, Ms. Cartwright-Ashwood. That’s the beauty of relationships. They’re always changing. Our needs change, and how we approach meeting those needs may change the mold. There’s a beauty in that when you think about it. Scary, maybe. But everything in life is a little scary if we think about it.
“And what Ms. Cartwright-Ashwood brings up is a valid point: what happens when the dynamics change? Does anyone want to hazard a guess?”
I tuned out anything else that was said as I stared at all the diagrams on the board, feeling immensely overwhelmed. The problem wasn’t anything that she’d said wrong. It was just how much sense all of it made.
Eva and Logan with Elliot.
Or really any man.
Could I share Logan? Did it really matter when all I wanted was for Logan to be happy, no matter what that looked like for him? Deep down, I was certain Logan still loved me as much as he had. He didn’t deserve to be forced to pick between figuring himself out and me. Between potentially loving a man and loving me.
And I didn’t want him to feel like he had to.
Chapter 13
Eva
Ihadalistof questions scribbled out between the pictures in my notes—thank God I had a second pen. As the class filed out, I studied them and waited for her.
“So,” Amelia began as she approached me, “what’d you think?”
“I have so many questions,” I admitted with an awkward laugh. I showed off the notepad with all my scribbled nonsense. Normally, I was a meticulously organized person, but that wasn’t the case here. All my thoughts were all over the place.
“That’s a good thing,” she said. She sat in the seat next to me. “Questions are a great place to start. I have some time now if you’d like.”
“Where to start, where to start…” I muttered to myself. Amelia was patient while I flipped through my notes, trying to figure out what the best first thing to ask was. “I guess… where do you start? I know communication is important and talking about everything, but where do you even start that conversation?”
“Well, first and foremost, I think it’s important for you to lay out whatyouneed,” she told me gently. “You talk a lot about what Logan needs, which I understand, considering the situation, but you have needs too, Eva. Those deserve space too. You have to figure out what you want and need from an arrangement like this. It may be that you choose to be a monogamous partner while he explores an open relationship or a more polyamorous-centric life for himself, which is fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you should know what you want and what you expect, as well as recognize his wants and expectations. And somewhere in the middle of all of that is an arrangement for the two of you.”
