Page 113 of Until Tomorrow
“Bye,” Logan called after him. An awkward silence spread between us in Loren’s absence. What the hell was I supposed to say? “He’s a good guy.”
“Seems like it,” I said tightly. I didn’t want to know if Loren was a good guy. I didn’t want to know anything about the man who officially had the one thing I’d wanted my whole life.
“I didn’t think I’d see you anytime soon,” he replied. He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah, well, I was in the neighborhood.”Another lie.I never ended up near Logan’s work. “Thought I’d apologize to Elizabeth and see you. You good to go now or—”
“I’m good to go,” he interrupted. He grabbed his phone from the desk and started for the door, sweeping me along with him. I waited as he locked it and followed him outside in silence. I hoped to hell it’d go unnoticed as me trying to be considerate to his coworkers, but it didn’t. He stopped me on the sidewalk outside, grabbing my elbow.
“Hey, you good?” Logan asked. He searched my face for any signs that I was lying, but I was damn good at lying to Logan. I had been for twenty years.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I assured him. “Come on. I want tacos.”
“So,Loren,” I began because I was a masochist like that. “You like him?”
“Do you really want to talk about this?” Logan countered. We sat in a little booth with a mound of chips, queso, and salsa between us.
“Sure. Why not?” I shrugged. My heart was pulp anyway.
“You just seem put off by the whole thing last time we talked about it,” he said. “I just wasn’t sure if you and I were okay after.”
“We’re fine, Logan. I’m just going through some shit.”Like my heart bleeding out on the concrete while I keep stomping on it on your behalf.
“What’s going on, Elliot?”
“I’m thinking of moving,” I blurted out the words before I thought better of it.Fuck.Well, now we were committing tothatrandom two a.m. thought I’d had.Many times over.
“Did you finally find something closer to the firehouse?” Logan asked.
“Actually,” I began slowly, “I’m thinking of moving out of state.”
Logan set down his water glass and just stared at me, pensive and processing. The truth was, I didn’t know how to keep doing this with him. I had myself convinced that I could, but seeing him with Loren? That ruined me. I couldn’t keep up the torture. I deserved something like happiness too. And I couldn’t do that while pining after Logan and watching him date all the men that would never be me.
So, maybe it was a random thought, but it had weight.
“Why?” he demanded, that frown on his face deepening.
“I’ve just outgrown Boston.”I dropped my chip back in the basket and sat back in the booth. “Look, I’ve spent half my life in Illinois and now half of it in Boston. I just think it’s time for me to do something different.”
“Oh.” He nodded slowly. I could see him carefully processing my words. It sucked because I knew if I did leave, it’d hurt him too.But when did I start putting me first?“Okay. Do you know where you’ll go?”
Oh, crap.
“West Coast, maybe?”To put as much distance between us as possible.“I don’t know. I have to start applying for jobs, so we’ll see. It’s not like we’ll never see each other.”
“Yeah, of course,” he agreed. “We can easily fly out to see you.”
“And we have phones,” I reminded him. And then, because I needed to ease the tension, I cracked a joke, “Or carrier pigeons if we want pets. Though I’m not sure those are good pets to have.”
“Probably not,” Logan said. Absent-mindedly, he stirred his water with his straw as he fixated on something across the restaurant. An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. What was I supposed to say? What could I say that would make a difference? “Do you know when?”
“No, I still have to figure stuff out.”Like a job, a house, where to fucking go.“I won’t just up and leave, promise.”
“Let me know when, and I’ll take off work to drive wherever with you. That way you won’t have to move alone.”
“You never take off work, Logan, except to go back to Illinois for your dad’s birthday.”
“I’d rather help you move than work, Elliot,” Logan told me. His faded blue eyes caught mine, and emotions wrapped around my heart like barbed wire. I focused hard on my breathing to push them aside. “You know I love you, right? I’d do anything for you.”
