Page 88 of Until Tomorrow
“What happened, honey?” He sat down on the bed and reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear. His thumb gently brushed away tears as his brows furrowed together.
“When did we fall apart?” I repeated.
“I don’t… I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he replied. Sniffling, I sat and dragged the pillow with me for comfort.
“You and me… you and me…” I sucked in a fast breath as emotions killed my ability to talk. I buried my face in the pillow.Stupid feelings.The bed dipped as Logan moved close enough to drag me into his lap, but I didn’t give up the pillow. He folded his body over mine, holding me tight.
“I’m right here, I’m right here.” He said the words on repeat while all the feelings painfully spilled out of me. I hadn’t wanted to start the conversation like this—this was ridiculous.
How long I cried was beyond me, but I did until there was nothing left in me. My heart hurt. I loved this man so fiercely, but I missed everything we were. I just had to find a way to verbalize that to him.
I scrubbed my cheeks with my sleeve as I straightened, doing my best to hold my shit together. Logan’s patience was unrivaled while he waited for me to calm down enough to speak.
“When did we stop being a couple?” I asked when I found my voice—though, I sounded like utter shit. He opened his mouth to say something, but I shook my head. “We’re not… when did we become mundane? We just… we’re… our whole lives are scheduled. Dinner dates and work functions and meals across the table from each other as we discuss work and… and… Thursday night sex, Monday evening Italian, Sunday morning brunch with someone or other. Everything is proper and expected and… empty!”
“I admit that—”
“We stopped holding hands and started sleeping away from each other with sides of the bed! We have corners on the couch and watch the stupid news, and when we go out, we don’t do things unless it’s our usual restaurant reservation or a work function.” I was rambling. I knew that. I just couldn’t seem to stop. “We used todothings, Logan! Even at home. We were always doing things together, even at home. We went on dates and enjoyed our time together. We held hands and cuddled and… and…”
Tears bubbled up again, and I clenched my jaw together, forcing myself to breathe through my nose with hopes of beating out another outburst.
“I know,” Logan said quietly. “You’re not the only one who feels it, Eva.”
“I’m not? Why haven’t you said anything?”
“I think you just pieced it together a little sooner than I did,” he admitted and blew out a long breath. I watched the wheels in his head turn, working to formulate what he wanted to say. “I didn’t realize how much I missed holding your hand until we did that seminar. And it’s such a simple thing we stopped doing. And then we cuddled in bed the other night, and I just… I didn’t want to get up. It’s like that stupid space in our bed became the space in our relationship.”
“Yeah…”
“And it’s… I’m sorry if this is the wrong time to bring it up, so you can tell me to stop if you want,” he prefaced, making my heart stutter a little anxiously in my chest. “I’ve been going out with Loren, and it’s been nice.”
“Oh,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted to hear, but I did my best not to get ahead of him.
“And I enjoy my time with him, but there’s a part of me that recognizes… we aren’t that way, Eva,” he finished. “We haven’t for a long time. And I think… I think our marriage has been in trouble for years, but we just… we got too comfortable to see that we don’t have a relationship anymore. We haven’t. We’re best friends and roommates who have a routine hook-up.”
I swallowed hard. It sounded so harsh when he said it like that. But the honesty of it killed me more.
“I hate it,” Logan told me, choking up. His gaze was fixated across the room, and I reached for his hand, clinging to him the way we both needed. “I lost myself in my work. I don’t even like my job—I’m good at my job, but I’m not happy. Is that enough? I don’t… I don’t know if that’s enough, even after everything I put into getting this far. And what do I do if I’m not a lawyer?
“I let you lose yourself along the way. I look at this house, and you’re not in it. There’s nothing…youin this house. It’s a fucking magazine here. Your hobbies, your interests, your stuff. There’s nothing here. And it’s not even just you. It’s me. I have my golf clubs upstairs, but I don’t even like golf! I hate golf. It’s boring as hell.
“And our marriage… it’s falling apart. Why can’t I hold your hand? Or put my arm around you? Or kiss my wife? Why does it all have to be so prim and proper with them? And I know it’s my job and these people I’m trying to impress that did this to us. We fell into a lifestyle that doesn’t… suit us. I hate it, and I don’t know how to fix it. Hand-holding won’t fix this. Cuddling won’t fix it. I don’t know… I don’t know how to fix this for us, Eva.”
“Date me,” I said around another sob. He frowned, looking at me. “We can’t start at square one, and I don’t know that there’s any… fixing this. I think we’re changing too much. I think we’re not the same people who got married. I think we lost how to be together. I know we did. So, maybe we do what we’re doing with other people and date each other again.”
That handsome smile of his was soft and full of admiration as he just stared at me. And he just kept staring.A little too long for my comfort.
“We don’t have to,” I finally rushed to say.
“No, I like it,” he replied. “I just… I don’t know what it is about you, but you just make things… easier. It’s like the world is just a little simpler when you’re there to help me unravel everything.”
“I’m just as lost as you are, Logan.”
“It’s a crappy place to be, but at least we’re there together, right?”
“Yeah.” I nodded as he leaned in to kiss me. I sighed, loving the feel of his mouth on mine. His tongue slipped past my lips while his hand curled around the back of my head. Kiss after kiss, he pulled me closer to his body. His teeth scraped over my lower lip as he groaned into my mouth.
The intensity and passion were overwhelming. Heat coiled through my lower belly.When was the last time my husband had kissed me like this?Reluctantly, I leaned back, needing to catch my breath. His lips dusted over my cheek and along my jaw in doting kisses. When his nose drifted down my neck, he paused. He inhaled deeply and leaned away.
