Page 151 of His Ruthless Match
Shifting back into my human form was always disorienting. One moment I was all claws and fury, my muscles coiled with primal instinct, and the next, I was just… me. My chest heaved, slick with sweat and blood, and every inch of my body ached. The raw gashes across my torso stung as the cool, stale air hit them. I wiped at my mouth, tasting blood—mine, Merrik’s, the creature’s. It didn’t matter. The bastards were dead. But for some reason, it sat heavy in my chest, like I hadn’t just survived but failed in some unforgivable way.
After everything, I still didn’t have the name of the person who’d purchased the mutant rat from Merrik. The mission had failed. And fucking miserably at that.
Eva leaned against the table, her legs trembling so hard I thought she might collapse. Her wide eyes darted between the bodies scattered over the floor and the blood pooling on the floor. “Is… is it over?”
I nodded as I pulled one of my daggers out of a corpse. I gripped the hilt as I wiped the blade clean on the tattered remains of my shirt. “For now,” I said, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. It was never really over. Not for people like me.There was always another low-life waiting around the corner, always someone to kill in self-defense.
She took a shaky step toward me, her breath unsteady. Her hands trembled, and she clutched her jacket like it was the only thing tethering her to this moment. “Jareth, I?—”
I couldn’t let her say whatever she was about to say. Not after this.
“You shouldn’t have been here, Eva,” I snapped, my voice harder than I intended. “It doesn’t matter that your brother gave you permission. It was too fucking dangerous, as evidenced by the corpses on the ground.”
Her face crumpled, the fire in her eyes dimming. “Don’t do this,” she said, her voice trembling. “Don’t make this my fault.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said quietly, the words sharper than the blade I’d just cleaned. “It’s mine.” I forced myself to meet her gaze, even though it made my chest tighten. “I can’t be assigned to protect you, Eva. Not anymore. Not the way you need to be protected.”
Flashbacks of the brutal ambush on my pack, my family, slammed into my mind. I had been so helpless, so fucking useless to stop it. But this… I could control this. I could man the fuck up and allow someone else to step in and protect Eva. Someone who wasn’t in love with her.
She opened her mouth to argue, but I stepped back, shaking my head. “You need someone better—someone who won’t fail you. This went incredibly wrong, and I almost lost you.” I raked a hand through my sweaty hair. “For that matter, I almost got myself killed because I was focused on you instead of the fight.”
Her silence was worse than any argument she could’ve thrown at me. The way she just stood there, her expression a mix of hurt and disbelief, made me feel like I’d taken one of those damn knives and driven it straight into her chest. And mine.
“We need to get out of here.” I shoved the dagger back into its sheath. I couldn’t stay in that room a second longer, not with Merrik’s body still bleeding out in the corner, not with Eva looking at me like that.
“Jareth, wait—” she started, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t.
The car wassilent except for the hum of the engine and the rhythmic sound of tires on the uneven road. I gripped the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles turned white. Eva sat beside me, staring out the window, her profile illuminated by the faint glow of passing streetlights. She hadn’t said a word since we’d left the black market, but I could feel her questions pressing against the silence.
“You’re not even going to talk to me, are you?”
“I need to think.”
That was a lie. I wasn’t thinking. I was drowning. Drowning in the weight of my own mistakes, the suffocating guilt that wrapped itself around my chest like a vise. She turned her gaze back to the window, her shoulders slumping slightly, as if she’d expected that answer but hoped for something else.
The silence stretched on, and I let it. The longer I avoided speaking to her, the longer I could pretend that what I’d said back there was the right thing to do. But the truth clawed at the edges of my mind, refusing to be ignored.
I never should’ve allowed myself to fall for her. That was the first mistake. It had been stupid and reckless. I was a fucking idiot for thinking we could be anything more than what we were. Bodyguard and damsel in distress. It wasn’t fair to her, and it sure as hell wasn’t fair to me. I’d let her get under my skin, wormher way into the cracks I thought I’d sealed off years ago. And for what? To almost get us both killed?
I clenched my jaw, the anger at myself bubbling just beneath the surface. I should’ve put my foot down. I should’ve refused when she insisted on coming to the black market with me. But I hadn’t. Because I couldn’t say no to her. Not to Eva. Andthatwas the real problem.
My grip on the wheel tightened as the memory of Merrik’s smirk flashed in my mind. He’d called herthe girl everyone was looking for.I could’ve gutted him a second time just for saying it. But he was right. Everyonewaslooking for her. And my inability to keep her safe, to keep her away from places like that, had nearly cost her everything.
How the hell would I explain that to The Shadow?Sorry, sir. I’ve been fucking your sister, and I let my dick and my heart make the call.
I winced. There was no way in hell I could ever say that to him, not if I wanted to keep breathing. But I’d have to tell him the truth, or at least some version of it. I couldn’t keep pretending I had this under control when I clearly didn’t.
Eva needed someone better. That was the truth, but it didn’t make it any easier. If anything, it made the ache in my chest even worse.
I wanted to tell her I didn’t mean it, that I was just trying to protect her the only way I knew how. But what good would that do? It wouldn’t change the fact that I’d failed her. That I’d almost gotten her killed.
The Shadow would have my head if he knew how close it had been. He’d entrusted me with his sister’s safety, and I’d let him down. Worse, I’d letherdown. And I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to her.
I gritted my teeth, my thoughts spiraling. I had to make this right. I had to step back before I made things worse. I’d tellThe Shadow everything—well, not everything. He didn’t need to know the details of how badly I’d fucked this up. But I’d tell him enough to convince him to take me off this assignment. I’d ask to be reassigned, to put someone else in my place.
Someone who could keep her safe. Someone who wouldn’t fail her the way I had.
The thought made my heart constrict, but I shoved it down, burying it beneath the weight of my guilt. This wasn’t about me. It was about Eva. And she deserved better.
