Page 92 of Bonds of Magic
“I’m not worried about you doing something stupid,” he said heatedly. “I’m worried about hurting you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. Don’t you get that?”
“No, I don’t. Because as far as I can tell, that’s exactly what you’ve been trying to do. Or was there some other reason you told me hooking up with me was a mistake?”
Cat, who was sitting on my lap now, cawed as if to punctuate my words. Noah’s hand slid closer, and Cat pounced, their beak flashing down to bite his skin. He hissed and drew his hand back.
“You’re not the mistake,” he said, rubbing his hand. “I am. Or, what I did was. It’s because I’m trying not to hurt you that I can’t be with you like that. It complicates things, and clouds my judgement.”
I didn’t respond. I was still pissed off, and I didn’t trust myself not to say something humiliating if I opened my mouth.
After a long silence, Noah said, “Things with Lew and me—they were only ever physical. Nothing more.”
“That’s what you said to me, that night. That it could only ever be physical between us. I get it. I’m okay with that. And don’t tell me not to be,” I added. “I make my own choices. Now tell me the thing I don’t need to know.”
He rubbed a hand over his face, the back of it angry and red where Cat’s beak had marked him.
“All I was going to say was that I tried, Cory. With Lew. On Imbolc, before you were attacked. I went out to Pointe Claudette, looking to blow off steam. I met up with Lew and I—” He laughed mirthlessly. “I tried, but I just wasn’t interested in him anymore. All I could think about was you.”
“Really?” I could hear the hope in my voice, no matter how hard I tried to sound skeptical. I hated it.
“Yes, really. God help me, all I could see was your face. You’re all I’ve wanted since I met you.”
He put his head in his hands, and I stared, completely unsure how to handle this. Noah was the one who was strong and steady, but here he was, sitting on my bed, sounding completely lost.
“You have no idea what it’s like,” he said after a moment. “Wanting something you know you shouldn’t. Having your body tug you one way, while your common sense pulls you in the opposite direction.”
“I know more about that than you think,” I said quietly.
He looked up at me. “Cory, you’re half my age. I understand that you’re an adult, but do you get why this is freaking me out a little?”
“You think you’re the only one? I’m freaked out admitting I want you. The morning after I stayed at your cabin, I felt so ashamed for giving into what I wanted. What I was always told was wrong.”
“I could kill your dad for making you think that.”
“Luckily, you don’t have to.” I frowned. “How old are you, anyway?”
“Thirty-two.” He winced.
“Well, then I’m not half your age. I’m older than that.”
“Not by much.”
Noah reached out again, and this time, Cat let him. He touched my cheek, his rough fingers warm against my skin.
“I’m so sorry you grew up in the home you did. I’d undo it if I could. But the best thing I can do now is try to keep you safegoing forward. Though God only knows how I’m going to do that.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t want you to worry.”
“If it’s about me, I’m going to worry anyway.”
He slid closer on the bed and took my hand in his. “Will you promise not to put yourself in danger, if I tell you? Please, Cory. This is serious.”
“I can’t promise when I don’t know what you’re going to tell me,” I pointed out. “But I’m nottryingto put myself in danger. I can promise you that. I just want you to tell me what’s going on. Treat me like a person, not a parcel you have to keep from dropping.”
He gave me a long look, then nodded. “I’ll tell you as much as I can.” I began to object, but he held up a hand to forestall me. “I will. I promise. But the particulars of this situation mean that knowing some things puts you in danger.”
“How?” I was sick with frustration over the number of things I didn’t know.
