Page 76 of Bonds of Magic
Warmth. That was the first thing I was conscious of. My room at Vesperwood was always a little chilly, the window that Cat flew in and out of never quite closing tight. I was warm as I surfaced from sleep this morning, and it was nice.
But this couldn’t be my room. Or my bed. I frowned, my eyes still closed. Something tickled the back of my mind, but I wanted to ignore it. I was so warm and comfortable, and sleep was right there, ready to pull me under again.
I snuggled deeper into the blankets and against the body that was holding me. Then my eyes flew open.
The body that was holding me?
That meant I wasn’t alone. I looked at the arm draped across my chest, the strong hand with calloused fingers resting on top of my own, and suddenly I remembered where I was. I was inNoah’scabin. And that wasNoahholding me, because I fell asleep here last night and then we—
Oh God, and then we…
I flushed, remembering last night. Waking up in his bed in the middle of the night. His laugh, light and gentle for the first time. His hand on mine.
His lips on my lips.
His lips on my cock.
Did that really happen? It seemed impossible, like some crazy dream my mind had cooked up while I was asleep.
Except Noah was still here. Holding me.
Oh God, last night was real. Noah and I had hooked up. I’d let him touch me, taste me, and he’dwantedto do all of that. Heat suffused me from my scalp to my toes at the rush of memories.
Shame rose inside me too, the oily scum that coated me every time I touched a man, whether in real life or a dream. It grew stronger the longer I lay there, reminding me that what I’d done, what I’dwantedwas dirty. Wrong. Repulsive.
But it couldn’t be, not when it was with Noah. Noah, who was strong, and smart, and kinder than I’d ever imagined. Surely nothing to do with Noah was shameful, right?
My stomach tightened, and I shook my head, trying to drive out the sick, clingy feeling of disgust that coated me, inside and out. I didn’t want it. I was an adult. I made my own decisions, controlled my own life.
My movement must have woken Noah, because his arm tightened, then loosened.
“Mmm. What?” His voice was a rumble in my ear.
I rolled over to face him, hoping he’d help me push away the revulsion that wanted to take control. He blinked at me in confusion.
I smiled up at him tentatively. “Hi.”
He blinked some more, and his face went from confused to concerned. “What are you—” he began, before cutting himself off, his eyes going wide. “Oh, God.”
Consternation painted his face, and all my tremulous hopes shriveled under his gaze.
“Oh, fuck.” He sounded horrified. “That really happened.”
My stomach attempted to tunnel through my body and into the center of the earth. This was not the reception I was hoping for. He put his hand on my shoulder, but only to push me back. He slid my weight across the bed easily, opening distance between us.
“You have to go.”
“But I—” Tears built in my chest, threatening to climb up my throat. “But last night, we—”
“I know what we did. But it was a mistake. It can’t happen again.”
The shame inside me blossomed like a flower in the morning sun. It filled every nook and cranny. I wanted to curl up and hide. He didn’t want me here.
What was I thinking, imagining he’d ever feel the way that I did? I should have known better. Why would someone like Noah want me?
“But you said…” I began, before trailing off. It was too embarrassing now, to repeat what he’d said last night.
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be tonight, than right here, with you.
