Page 39 of Bonds of Magic
“I’d been having all these feelings,” he continued. “I didn’t know what they meant, or what to do with them. I kept trying to shove stuff down, but it kept coming back, like my body was acting on its own, and I needed—I just wanted a release, you know?”
Cat started pecking at Cory’s hair, and he reached up to brush the bird’s beak away.
“I can’t justify it. I know Sean is awful. I’m not proud of what I did. But the one time, when it happened, I wasn’t sure, at first, if I wanted to go through with it.”
“Did he force you?” My voice was cold.
“No. I do know how to make choices, you know. Whether or not you approve of them. I knew what I wanted. But it took me a minute to admit it. So to Sean, it might have looked like he got me to change my mind. And I kind of let him be a little rough with me. And I didn’t tell him to stop. So it’s possible that tonight, he thought…” Cory looked away and said softly, “It wouldn’t be fair to kick him out. Not for this.”
I stared at him in disbelief. I didn’t know what to do with this information. I didn’t want to know what ‘a little rough’ meant, except, of course, that I did. But I really didn’t want to picture Cory with Sean. NotmyCory.
And I still thought he was cutting Sean way too much slack. If I hadn’t come into that shower room—I didn’t want to imagine what might have happened. My chest was tight, just brushing up against the edge of that thought. I wondered if Cory had any idea how close a call it had been.
“You must think I’m pathetic,” he said after a long moment.
“I don’t think you’re—” I stopped myself, shaking my head. Ididn’tthink he was pathetic, but that wasn’t really the point. I tried again. “Who you hook up with is none of my business. I’m your teacher, Cory. I’m not even supposed to know about that. But Iamconcerned for your safety. And after seeing how Sean acted tonight, I don’t trust him if he stays at Vesperwood.”
“He wasn’t hurting me,” Cory said slowly. “I just didn’t want him to—”
“Touch you. I know. You were telling him to stop, and he wasn’t going to.”
“I didn’t want him tokissme,” Cory corrected in a rush. His breath frosted the air, and he shoved his hands deeper in his jacket pockets. “I didn’t want him to kiss me, okay? I didn’t want Sean fucking Donohue to be my first kiss.”
I blinked. “You’ve hooked up with him but you haven’t kissed him?”
Cory shot me an annoyed look. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“I don’t know. I guess I assumed…” I trailed off when I realized what Cory had actually said.
He hadn’t just not kissed Sean. He hadn’t kissedanyone.
What kind of world did he live in, where sex was easier than kissing? Had he really never explored with a friend in high school? Never kissed someone at a school dance?
“Nowyou think I’m pathetic,” Cory said.
“I don’t.”
I didn’t tell him that what I actually felt was sadness. I didn’t think that would make him feel any better.
When we got to my cabin, Cory walked straight into the kitchen and peered at the cactus again, as though checking for infinitesimal signs of growth. At least he had the sense to keep his hands to himself this time.
I watched for a moment, then said, “If you like it so much, you can have it.”
His head whipped around. “Really?”
I shrugged. “I can always get another one. You want it?”
He pressed his lips together, then shook his head. “No. I want answers.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. “Answers about what?”
“Everything. How did you find out you were an incubus? Did you know your whole life? Which of your parents was an incubus and which was human? Did you have weird dreams at first too? Did they ever stop? And how did you learn to control your powers? Did you come to Vesperwood, or did someone else—”
“Kid, kid. Calm down.”
Cory laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I know enough by now to know you hate talking about yourself.”
I was quiet for a minute. He was right. I didn’t want to answer him. But he was a mess after what had happened with Sean, and he seemed so convinced I was disgusted with him. He deserved some answers. The ones that were safe to give, at least.
