Page 114 of Bonds of Magic
My dad was dead, and never coming back, and that was a good thing. But that didn’t mean I wanted to think about him. That didn’t mean I needed Noah playing therapist, even if it was in some misguided attempt to help me.
But I’d been too unraveled to explain any of that last night. So I’d lashed out, and Noah had finally done what I’d asked him to. He’d left.
I got dressed and headed down to breakfast mechanically. I looked across the refectory for Noah, not sure if I wanted him to be there or not. He wasn’t.
Ash was talking to Min about some TV show neither of them had been able to watch since coming to Vesperwood, hypothesizing about what might be happening this season. Felix and Keelan were going over a homework assignment for Environmental Magic. I ate in silence.
I didn’t want to go to class. Didn’t want to do anything except go back in time and undo last night. To keep my stupid mouth shut about what I wanted. To make everything okay.
But time travel wasn’t an option, even for witches. So when the bell rang, I bused my tray with everyone else and followed my friends to Spellwork.
***
Today, Kazansky gave a lecture about the inverse relationship between the power used in a spell and the witch’s ability to control it. Then she made all the witches stand in a circle around the edges of the room. We’d moved beyond passing a light back and forth. Today, we had to pass a light around the circle, but each person added more power to the light, thus making it more difficult for the next one to control.
I joined the circle reluctantly. I’d thought I would feel happy to finally be able to do magic, but with everything that had happened with Noah, it was the last thing on my mind. Plus, there was the fact that my magic was inextricably linked to my dad, and I wanted as little to do with him as possible.
I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to do anything today. Felix gave me an encouraging smile as I stood, and Ash flashed me a gleeful grin as I took my place in the circle. They’d taken the magic revelation in stride. Felix had said, ‘I knew there was something going on with that raven,’ and Ash had just laughed and called me an overachiever. But I still worried about a rift opening between us.
All the Hunters and paranormal students in Spellwork had to take notes on the lectures, but they were excluded from exercises like this. They sat in the middle of the circle, cut off and on display.
I longed to be with them.
By the time the light made its way to me, it was as big as a cantaloupe. Ruben Whitaker was standing to my right and balanced the light above his palm with ease. He waited for me to hold my hand out before he said, “Release.” Then he cupped his hand and tossed the light to me.
I was supposed to say, ‘Catch,’ and grab the threads of magic already coming loose from the ball, ready to dissipate back into the ether. I said it, fully expecting the light to continue to unravel, but instead, it transferred neatly to my control, hovering above my palm. I stared at it in surprise.
I could feel the magic. Feel all the energy that had been called up and formed into this shape. I could feel the hum of more magic in the air, waiting to be added. I could feel it all.
The night in the library with Rekha wasn’t a fluke. I coulddomagic. I was a witch.
I looked at Professor Kazanasky in shock, but she smiled encouragingly, like she’d never had any doubts.
“Um, are you going to pass it to me or just stand there?” asked Meredith on my other side. I blinked, and wondered how long I’d stood staring, doing nothing. I shook my head to clear it and was about to pass the light over when I remembered I was supposed to make it bigger first.
I bit my lip, trying to remember what I’d done in the library. I opened myself to the magic around me and called it forward, picturing what I wanted it to do. Then I waved my free hand above the light in the motion Kazansky had taught us, and said, “Grow.”
My fingers directed the flow of the magic, pushing it into the ball of light. It pulsed and began to expand. I’d been picturingthe light growing to the size of a soccer ball, and it quickly reached that size—but it kept growing. It passed right through the beachball stage and rapidly threatened to become the size of my light in the library.
“Oh shit,” I said. “Shit. Stop. Stop growing.STOP!”
Finally, the light stabilized, but it was roughly the size of a hippopotamus now, and half the class was staring at me like I was crazy.
“How do I make it shrink?” I called to Kazansky.
“The same way you made it grow.” She, for one, still seemed utterly calm. “Focus your intention, then make yourself a channel so the energy can dissipate safely through you.”
That didn’t sound the same at all, but I tried. The light stubbornly remained the same size, though, and finally Kazansky told me to pass it to her.
Sweat beaded on my brow. Not just because I was the center of attention, though that didn’t help. Holding this much magic in my hands was hard. I felt like I’d been running for miles with a heavy weight hanging around my neck. The threads of magic felt slippery in my hands.
I nudged the ball of light with my mind, then looked at Kazansky and said, “Release.”
The light began to float across the circle, but halfway across, it picked up speed and made a hard left. It raced across the paranormal students sitting in the center of the circle, and Ash and Felix dove out of the way to avoid being hit. When it reached the far wall, it bounced off and began careening around the roomat increasing speed, sending students scattering like bowling pins.
And I could still feel the magic coursing through me. I desperately wanted to let go of it. I was exhausted. But I couldn’t seem to get the light to Kazansky, and I was scared of what might happen if I let go of it on my own.
“Send it to me,” she said, her voice commanding now.
