Page 10 of Bonds of Magic
I gasped when Ash mentioned a gun. He didn’t know. Nobody knew. But he might as well have, the way his words hit home.
“I did,” I whispered. How could I get him to see that? “I might as well have, anyway. I should have stopped her. Should have tried harder, should have been faster. If I hadn’t been such a coward, then maybe she’d—”
“I’m sure you did everything you could,” Felix cut in. “But if the dean doesn’t want you to talk about it, you probably shouldn’t.”
“Will you let him speak for once?” Ash said.
“You’re the one who keeps interrupting people.”
“You interrupted him just now.”
“Only because I was trying to—”
“Oh my God, will you two stop?” All the exhaustion I’d felt last night returned, listening to them. My head was starting to hurt again, too. Maybe I really should go back to my room and rest.
The two of them looked at me, chagrined, and I felt shitty for snapping again. It wasn’t their fault. They’d lost a friend too. And Ash was right, they’d known Erika longer than I had. Of course they were struggling today.
“I won’t say anything I shouldn’t,” I told Felix. “And I can’t convince you guys of something you weren’t there for. But I think—” I swallowed around a sudden raft of tears, lodged in my throat. “I think it would probably be for the best if you guys stopped hanging out with me. People around me tend to get hurt. And I don’t want anything else to happen. Especially not to you guys.”
“God, that’s even dumber than the last thing you said.” Ash sent me a withering look. “If you were really a danger to everyone, the dean would kick you out. Or close the school. Or something. But he hasn’t done any of those things, so I’m pretty sure you’re actually fine.”
I’d wondered why the dean hadn’t done exactly that. But since he hadn’t, it was up to me to convince my friends of the danger.
“I’m not,” I said. “Don’t you get it? I show up here and things start going wrong like, immediately. I’m dangerous. I honestly don’t knowwhythe dean hasn’t kicked me out. He probably should.”
“Cory, I’m not trying to be rude, but you haven’t even managed to manifest a light yet in Spellwork. I don’t think you’re a secret serial killer about to slay us all with your evil spells.”
“I’m not what you think I am,” I protested.
“Yeah, because I thought you were at least moderately intelligent, but everything you’ve said today is making me question that.” Ash sighed. “Look, I won’t ask you about Erika anymore. We don’t have to talk about it. But don’t you get it? We already lost one friend. I don’t want to lose another.”
I looked at Felix helplessly. He shrugged. “Ash has a point. I don’t want to lose you either.”
Frustration welled up inside me, but it blocked all the words I wanted to say, and all I could do was look at them pleadingly. I didn’t want to lose my friends either. But I didn’t deserve them. And I couldn’t make them see that without telling them everything.
Should I? Should I be honest, and screw everything Dean Mansur said about keeping silent? Maybe my friends would be able to make sense of the bits and pieces I remembered of the conversation in the dean’s office last night.
But then I remembered the dean’s warning. That keeping quiet wasn’t just for my safety. It was for everyone else’s too. I didn’t want to put Felix and Ash in more danger than they were already in by hanging out with me.
“I’ll take your silence as acceptance that I am, as usual, one hundred percent correct about everything.” Ash smiled and linked his arm through mine. “Now come on. I didn’t see you at breakfast, so you’re probably starving. Let’s go get lunch, okay?”
It was easier to let him drag me along than to take a stand. Because that was what I did, wasn’t it? Always took the path of least resistance. Even when I knew it was wrong.
My head hurt, and I was starting to feel spacey, but it wasn’t until I felt that familiar tug in my core that I remembered I hadn’t dreamed last night. I had been due for a lesson with Romero, but I’d skipped it. Which was, undoubtedly, why Romero had been out in the woods looking for me. Yet another consequence of my thoughtless actions.
I hadn’t keeled over from exhaustion yet, but Dean Mansur’s warning from my first night at Vesperwood hung heavy in my mind as we made our way to the refectory. I hoped I could make it through the day. That tug would be clawing at my vertebrae by this evening.
Everyone at the lunch table was somber. Keelan’s easy-going manner was subdued. Min spent more time stabbing at her food than eating it. And Felix was always quiet, but his silence today was weighted with sadness.
Out of nowhere, Ash exclaimed, “I just don’t see why they’re turning it into this big secret.”
“What?” Keelan looked up as though surfacing from a dream.
“What happened to Erika,” Ash continued. My stomach tightened. He wasn’t looking at me, but that didn’t mean I felt any better about the return of this topic. “We all know somethingbad happened out there. Saying it was an accident, keeping it a secret, makes people more curious, not less.”
“Ash,” Felix said, his tone a warning, but Ash plowed on.
“I mean, wesawAdenike and Meredith. Right there at the edge of the woods. They said Noah looked ready to murder someone when they ran into him, that he’d told them to find a professor no matter what. But they didn’t mention seeing Erika. So how could Noah know something was wrong if he hadn’t even found her yet?”
