Page 51 of In Just a Year
His fist closed around the three sapphires in his hand, their cold, hard edges a harsh reminder of the reality of his situation. The darkness of the garden engulfed him as he pushed through the undergrowth. He couldn’t shake off the image of the desperate girl he was leaving behind.
The vivid images played in Ben’s mind as if he had but gazed upon them a moment ago. His sketches, Raphi’s letter, the sparkling sapphires he’d unwrapped in the parcel in the dim glow of the lantern within the secret passage. Each stone shimmered as though capturing a piece of the night sky itself, their mesmerizing blue twinkle forever imprinted in his memory. Much like a finely honed instrument, his mind never faltered in its visual recollections.
Suddenly, his chest ached as he envisioned Esther, the light of his heart. The vision of her exquisite silky tresses, as they blew in the air when they’d played with the children, filled his memories. The biter-sweet fragrance of walnuts that lingered on her neck when he’d kissed her sent a jolt of pain to his heart. But it was the memory of her lips, lush and soft as the petals of the most exquisite rose, which he had the privilege to kiss, that brought a longing so profound, it nearly cut his breath off.
A wave of humility washed over him with the force of an oceanic tide when he decided he’d been gone for too long. He had sought treasures in far-off lands, succumbing to the allure of the unknown and the thrill of the chase. Yet, he needed to grasp the true essence of the treasure he sought. His heart yearned for the homely comforts, the warm embrace of his family, and Esther’s loving gaze. He yearned to return to his family, his love, where his heart truly belonged. With a pang of bitter-sweet realization, he understood that the greatest treasures were not the sparkling sapphires he’d discovered but the people who awaited his return, those who loved him unconditionally.
CHAPTER23
The same day, across the world in London…
“He will be here,” Esther said for the hundredth time. “He said he wants to marry me as soon as he returns.”
Tate cast his gaze sideways as if to gather his nerves, then he brought both hands to his face and scratched his eyelids as though to scrape away the images in his mind. “Maidale, we haven’t heard from Ben since he was somewhere on the western African coasts. What if he doesn’t—”
“He’s coming back. He’ll be here, and he will marry me.” Esther stomped her foot as she’d done when she was Ruthie’s age, which didn’t help her credibility.
Tate inclined his head and pushed his lower jaw forward, a gesture of desperation. “If and when Ben comes back, you have my blessing to marry. I’ll even do it myself and perform the entire ceremony.”
“Oh Tate!” Esther clasped her hands together, undeterred by the conditional “if and when” about Ben’s safe return to London.
“Wait! Let me finish!” He held his palm nearly in her face. “But you should consider the possibility that he won’t return. You’ll be left alone like a bride at the altar.”
Esther shut her eyes to take a steadying breath, but it never came. “Tate, I have thought about it. I think about it all the time. Don’t you know me?”
“I thought I knew you, Esther, but you are acting like a little girl intent on getting a new toy, ignorant of the risks—”
“I’m not ignorant only because I’m ignoring them, Tate! I cried myself to sleep in the beginning, imagining all the terrible things that could have befallen him on the ship, or on the journeys on land. I have no idea what he’s seen and done, what he’s experienced halfway around the world.” Esther heaved for air. “When I get a letter, the first thing I look at is the date, for I know he was alright then. I calculate how many days and weeks have passed since then and wonder if he is still well.”
“Oy maidale.” Tate gave Esther a pained look and sighed as he sat down on the chair at her vanity table. He looked like a big bearded troll with ayarmulke in one of Ruthie’s children’s books about what doesn’t belong in this picture.Yet, Tate went where his children needed him, even if it was in front of a vanity table full of creams, perfume bottles, hair oils, and a case of ribbons.
“Tate, when I think about the possibility that Ben won’t be back or that he could be injured … or that he could be so changed he doesn’t want me anymore, my chest tightens.” She gripped her nightgown and the robe atop it so hard that the silky fabric stretched over her back. “My ribs close over my heart like a hard shell and I feel as if my life has splintered from the inside out when I imagine a future without Ben.”
“Esther—” Tate spoke softly as if his fatherly authority could stop her pain from surfacing and disallow any and all hurt from entering her heart.
“We waited so long. Neither of us dared to admit it, but he’s been my favorite Klonimus and my best play companion, my funniest and closest friend … not because he was close but because … because our feelings overlap.”
“What do you mean overlap?”
Esther looked up at the ceiling but the right words eluded her. “There was this one time, most recently, where I fell onto the pillow exhausted from chasing after the little ones pretending to be Medusa. Ben was Perseus and also hid for a moment. We needed to catch our breath.”
Tate chuckled and nodded. “The little ones are fireballs of energy.”
Esther sighed and crossed her hands over her heart. “ I told Ben that I played with the children, but I was no longer one of them. If I had told you or Hannah, Aunt Rifkah, or even Chawa, you’d all have shrugged it off.”
“I always listen when you speak to me.”
“You listen, Tate, but do you hear me?” He remained silent and furrowed his brows. “Ben hears me, and he’s always had a way of speaking the next words as if he’d understood me and carried on the sentiment.”
“As if he could feel your soul?” Tate asked but he didn’t look at Esther. His gaze was watery like he saw something that wasn’t even in the room.
“Yes,” she said.
Tate took a long pained breath that Esther recognized from the days he satshivvahfor her mother. “I know how this feels,maidale. Your mother didn’t just finish my sentences, she spoke my feelings, and continued my thoughts. Even before we were wed, she had a way of feeling what I did before I could understand it. She wasn’t just my love or the love of my life, she was a part of my essence in a way that—”
“That continues in every breath you take and every thought you have,” Esther said.
“Yes.” Tate blinked at her. “You know?”
