Page 46 of The Grand Mistletoe Assembly
He stood and paced, hands behind his back, stopping in front of her.
“Don’t assume I don’t know what you mean, because I do. I decided to propose to my wife three days after I learned of your marriage. She was my parents’ choice. When she died, I felt the same kind of guilt you experienced. I should have been a better husband. Instead, I devoted myself to my regiment. My wife was fragile, and I neglected her. If you think your actions killed your spouse, then I killed mine, too.”
He dropped back into the chair and grasped her hands. “Marry me and give our love a chance. If Hannah or anyone else confronts you again, I shall shout the truth about Whittington. I shall not let him hurt you or anyone else from the grave.”
“And Constance?”
“Constance will be fine. She’s strong—stronger than we were at her age. She’s had an offer she wants me to accept, and unlike our parents, I won’t make her wait to wed. The young man is a second son, as I was, and is in the foreign service. He’s being posted to Lower Canada, so they will live there. Even if the old scandal was revived, it won’t touch her there.”
“And you? The worst tongues would say you married a murderess. Your colleagues would look at you askance. You’d be a laughingstock. Especially now as there were at least four women present in the ladies’ retiring room who heard Hannah’s accusations.”
Alastair rose and crossed his arms. “You’re making excuses now. If you don’t want to marry me, say so, and I’ll end this and leave.”
She filled her lungs with air and willed her throat to let enough air through to speak. Raising her eyes to Alastair’s beloved face, she swallowed twice. “I cannot marry you.”
“Fine. Enjoy the rest of your life in the country.” He turned and strode from the room. He didn’t even slam the door.
Lily put her hands on her face and let silent tears seep through her fingers. She would not wait for Cardmore to return. She would hire a coach and leave immediately.
The door quietly opened and closed. Emily, no doubt, coming to comfort her aunt. When she raised her head, it was not Emily. It was her brother.
He handed her a clean handkerchief and led her to a sofa. “I met Selwick on his way out. I gather you refused him.”
She sniffed and stared at her brother. “How did you know?”
“He arrived on my doorstep early this morning. I was barely awake when he demanded an audience. I greeted him in my private sitting room in my robe. He said he’d come to secure my blessing, even though both of you were long past the age for such a requirement.” He placed his warm hand over her shaking one. “He loves you, sister. Quite madly. He says he always has. I remember your relationship of years ago. I never knew you’d discussed running off to Gretna Green when Father refused his offer.”
“Too much time has passed. We missed our chance. It’s too late now, given what happened to Jack.”
“I know now what you gave up for me—yes, me—was a great deal more than I realized at the time. What Father did to you was monstrous, only to assuage his guilt so I wouldn’t be left with nothing when he was about to die.”
“We’ve been through this.”
“We have, and it’s my turn to urge you to accept Selwick’s offer. You deserve to be happy. It’s long past time.”
“I want to. Believe me, but I prefer not to contaminate him by association. I’d never forgive myself if anyone treated Constance unkindly because of me. Remember what happened to your wife. She, too, suffered because her husband’s sister had been accused of murder. That’s why I cannot accept. My broken heart will eventually heal.”
“I heard about what happened at the ball last night. I also know a few things have changed since you last encountered that horrid creature, Hannah.”
Lily blew her nose. “What have you heard?”
“Her husband—the one Jack found for her—has a mistress he’s kept for years and several offspring from that union. Which is probably the reason our malicious madam has taken to drink. Oh yes. She’s as bad as her brother was, and while she married a title and still has enough wealth to be invited everywhere, she’s not liked, merely tolerated. A few facts placed in well-connected ears would ruin her, and she knows it. There’s also talk about a certain necklace that went missing from a house party, one which she hosted. I can’t prove she was at fault, but I’m as ruthless as she is if it saves my sister from a lifetime of loneliness.”
“No, do nothing on my behalf. I can’t be responsible for creating any more unpleasantness. Promise me.”
Her brother nodded. “I have conditions. You won’t leave until Cardmore returns, and you will reconsider. If you still choose to hide in the country, I’ll support your decision.”
CHAPTER 8
The snow had stopped by mid-afternoon, and only a light dusting remained on the ground. Wind howled through the trees outside, thrashing tree branches and denuding them of their few remaining leaves. Lily gazed out the drawing room window, the turmoil outdoors echoing the restless unease plaguing her peace.
Stay. Go. Spend her days pouring her soul into her art. Or make a home for the man she’d always loved.
She’d given herself endless reasons for remaining in the country. All seemed reasonable and well thought out at the time. Avoid the place where a horrific experience had occurred. Stay away so the old scandal would die and her brother’s family wouldn’t suffer at the hands of mean-spirited people with long memories.
These had been excuses, she now realized. It was shame that consumed her spirit and left her without hope. And cowardice had kept her away.
How did she let that happen? She’d been rebellious as a young girl to hide the pain of parental neglect. Alastair had been the stable, tempering element of their relationship. When he left, she’d tried to be more orderly, more settled. When he didn’t return as expected, she’d been devastated and depleted. She’d meekly complied with her father’s demands.
