Page 45 of The Grand Mistletoe Assembly
Lily forced a smile and dashed upstairs. She must pack and be ready to depart when Cardmore arrived. The weather had not worsened. He should arrive today, and once horses were changed, she could be on her way home.
What of Alastair?
If she was lucky, Alastair would realize the folly of their coupling and be happy she’d left without a fuss.
A brisk knock on her door startled her. She opened it to find Spencer.
“I do beg your pardon, madam. There is a gentleman to see you. Lady Cardmore is not available. Shall I put him in the drawing room?”
“Who is it?”
“Lord Selwick.”
Of course it was. She’d left without a note or message. He’d be making sure she got home safely. If only she could remain in her chamber and plead a headache.Coward.
“I shall be right there.”
If she explained carefully, Alastair would understand why she had to leave. Their chance at happiness died twenty years ago. He must think of Constance.
Lily glanced in the mirror as she passed it, tidied her hair, and smoothed a wrinkle in her gown. She wanted to appear settled, confident, and strong. Taking a deep breath, she stood up straight, and went down the stairs.
Alastair stood with his back to the door, his boots shined and not a hair out of place. Just hours ago, she’d run her hands through that hair while he pleasured her. Her knees nearly buckled at the memory. Best to finish this before Emily appeared.
“I should have left a note.”
He turned, his gaze holding hers, daring her to look away. “Why did you leave? I told you to awaken me. I wanted to see you home.”
“You seemed so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you. Your night footman was quite helpful. I do hope he is discreet.”
“All my servants are discreet. I pay them well. Now why don’t you sit so I can as well. I’m sensing we’re going to have a row.”
“Why would you say that?”
“The butler said you are packing.”
Lily sat in a chair off to the side. Alastair pulled his chair in front of hers, close enough that their knees were practically touching, as Emily breezed into the room.
“Lord Selwick. I am delighted to see you.”
Alastair stood. “If you wouldn’t mind, Lady Cardmore, I need to have a private conversation with your aunt. Would you be so kind as to leave us and close the door?”
She frowned and stared at Lily as if waiting for some kind of signal.
Lily nodded. “It’s quite all right. This won’t take long.”
“Very well.”
Alastair sat and took Lily’s hands. “I’m here for a purpose. I love you, and I want to marry you. This has nothing to do with last night. If that had never happened, I would feel the same.”
She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “This isn’t only about us. Society can be malicious and unfair to anyone who breaks its rules. I have to go, not for you or for me, but for Constance, your kind, beautiful daughter, who will suffer if you marry me. My scandal will tarnish her. I can’t let that happen.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“I killed him. I pushed him, and he fell. If I had not, he might be alive today.”
“You pushed him away to protect yourself. No one can blame you for that. You’re not at fault, Lily. Stop feeling guilty.”
“That’s easy to say. I’ve lived with this for so long I’m not sure I can dispel it. Guilt feeds on the soul, consuming it bit by bit until nothing is left. I don’t know if I have a soul left to give, even to you, someone I love.”
