Page 34 of What Broke First
She didn’t want to be impressed. But she was. And that pissed her off.
Because wanting him after everything felt like betrayal. Not of her past self, the one who cried on the bathroom floor and made promises to never let him close again. No, this was a betrayal of her current self. The one who swore she’d never be that kind of idiot. The kind who mistakes effort for accountability. The kind who believes a few sincere words are enough to trust someone again.
She stared at the spot where he’d stood, croissant halfway to her mouth, and shook her head.
This wasn’t a movie. There were no violins playing. Just the faint hum of the fridge and the loud realization that she was losing control of the very emotions she had spent months forcing into stillness.
She hated that she didn’t want him to stop showing up. Hated that his stupid gravel voice still echoed in her skull hours later. Hated that she knew the smell of his skin better than the name of her own perfume.
She took another bite. Chewed slower this time. Swallowed.
If she gave in, even a little, she knew exactly what it would cost her.
And she wasn’t sure she could afford to be that kind of fool again.
Not yet. Maybe not ever.
But damn if he wasn’t making it harder to say no.
Chapter 19: Little Victories, Big Mistakes
Matt didn’t cry. But he did scream into his steering wheel, which is basically adult male crying with less dignity.
After Sarah’s verbal uppercut, Matt drove aimlessly for twenty minutes before pulling into the parking lot of a home improvement store. He didn’t need anything. He just didn’t know where else to go.
Tyler showed up after one vague text from Matt. They hadn’t seen each other in what felt like months, and Matt knew that wasn’t by accident. Tyler had been dodging him, and Matt was finally done pretending not to notice. He needed to clear the air, or at least find someone willing to witness the wreckage.
“You disappeared,” Matt said, tossing a screwdriver set into the cart. “Haven’t seen you at the gym. Thought you moved or died or joined a cult.”
Tyler sipped his gas station coffee and shrugged. “Been busy.”
Matt threw in a pack of sandpaper. Then a lemon tree. Tyler raised an eyebrow.
“Seriously?” he said. “You planting emotional growth, or just hoping citrus will cancel out your sins?”
Matt gave a half-laugh. “Little of both.”
They walked in silence for a while before Matt said, “You going to tell me what’s actually going on, or are we just going to pretend everything’s fine?”
They walked a few more steps in silence before Tyler finally spoke. “Alright, look... I probably should’ve said this sooner.”
Matt stopped mid-step. “What?”
Tyler rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t tell you this, but my girlfriend wanted to set you up with her friend. I didn’t tell you because, honestly, man, I didn’t want you around my girlfriend.”
Matt blinked. “You think I’d try something?”
“I don’t know, man. I never thought in a million years you’d blow up what you had with Sarah. You've been going through some shit, and you're not...you.”
That landed harder than either of them expected.
Tyler continued. “You’ve been hurting. And I get it. But I also didn’t want to find out the hard way that you’d cross a line. And I wasn’t sure where your bottom was. What you did to Sarah changed how I see you. It made me wonder what else you were capable of.”
Matt ran a hand down his face. “Jesus.”
“I know,” Tyler said. “It was shitty. But I am being honest. I don't want to avoid you anymore...or the gym for that matter.”
They stood there in the aisle between tile samples and shelving brackets.
