Page 14 of What Broke First
“You made me feel young again. Desired. Like, I still had value. And I was weak enough to let that matter more than everything I stood to lose.”
He looked her dead in the eye.
“I didn’t fall in love with you, Lily. I fell in love with the way you made me feel about myself, that version of myself that I saw in your eyes. And that isn’t love. That’s vanity. That’s ego. And now that I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass, I can see it for what it is. You weren’t the answer. You were the excuse.”
His voice cracked slightly.
“I betrayed the woman who built a life with me. I broke my kids’ sense of safety. I set fire to the one thing I actually got right. And you were the worst mistake I ever made. I’m sorry for leading you on, Lily. But I’m done lying to myself.”
Her jaw clenched. He didn’t want her. He wanted Sarah. She turned away, furious and fragile. “I'm done.”
Matt didn’t argue. He stepped closer instead. Lowered his voice.“And don’t you ever bring this up again at our place of work,” he said, his voice low and resolute. “While we’re here, we act like professionals. We respect each other. That’s not a request, it’s the rule.”
Then he grabbed his keys, left the latte, walked into his office, and shut the door behind him. Lily stared at it for a long time. Then she picked up the latte and threw it into the office sink like it had personally insulted her.
After work, across town, Matt sat in his car outside Sarah’s house. He didn’t get out. He just stared at the ivy-covered bricks and tried to remember what normal felt like. His phone buzzed with a text from Sarah.
Sarah: Tommy says you were “actually kinda cool” today. Emily says you smell like coffee. So... progress? Matt smiled, for the first time all day.
Matt: I’ll take what I can get. Even if it’s secondhand compliments and eau de Starbucks.
Sarah: Don’t get cocky.
Matt: Wouldn’t dream of it.
He stared at the screen for a while. Then, impulsively, he typed:
Matt: Do you think we’ll ever be okay again?
There was no reply. Not right away.
He didn’t expect one.
Somewhere behind that unread message, Sarah sat at her kitchen table, rereading it.
She didn’t know the answer either. In fact, she didn’t answer. Instead, she picked up her phone and hovered over another name in her contacts.
James. Warm smile. Steady hands. Someone who once made her laugh until she snorted wine out of her nose. They’d met, years ago, one of those introductions that lingered just enough to matter. She hadn’t talked to him in ages.
But tonight, the silence felt heavy. And James had always known how to lighten a room. She didn’t call. Not yet. But she did send a text.
Sarah: Hi.
It wasn’t much. But it was honest.
And sometimes, honesty was enough to crack something open.
Chapter 8: Sarah’s Detour
Sarah hadn’t intended to kiss James. Honestly, she hadn’t even meant to call him. But after three days of hearing Lily’s name in her children’s stories like an uninvited ghost in their fairy tales, she needed something. A distraction. A reset. A reason to wear lipstick.
He met her at the wine bar downtown, the one with overpriced merlot and moody lighting that made even awkward dates feel cinematic. James looked the same. Tailored jacket. Warm eyes. Easy smile. He was the kind of man who always seemed freshly pressed and emotionally available.
“You look stunning,” he said as she sat down.
She gave a modest shrug. “You say that to everyone who wears mascara.”
“No,” he replied. “Just the ones who used to haunt my dreams.”
