Page 86 of Worst Nanny Ever
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve started feeling close to him, like the two of us were teammates on Team Ollie. Co-matchmakers for retirees. But now…
I’m bitterly disappointed, even though I’d promised myself a long time ago that I was done getting disappointed by men. Because sex with Travis had felt like a kind of…awakening. It had made me realize how different it felt to be with a man I actually respected and cared about.
But that feeling was obviously one-sided.
Travis is at his afternoon show with the guys, and even though I still feel a lot of righteous anger toward him, I hope it goes well.
I texted Ships Ahoy Alice earlier, asking her to keep me apprised of how the performance is going, both to make her feel important and because I’m worried, and she sent me fifteen texts back in response, all of which boil down to: it’ll be her privilege and honor to keep an eye on him.
“Will you guyspleasestop it with the phones,” Ollie says, rolling his eyes. “It’s not fair that I’m not allowed to use one ever, and you use yours whenever you want.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I say darkly, waving my hand at the TV screen, where one of the teenage mutant ninja turtles is executing a sick takedown. “Imagine. They were normal little turtles before all that ooze turned them into mutants.”
“Isn’t it better that they’re mutants?” Ollie asks. “Now theyfight crime and know cool fight moves. Real turtles don’t really do anything except eat lettuce and poop.”
“I’m sure they do other things.”
“No, I think he’s right,” Briar says, pausing her popcorn consumption. “I researched turtles before I got a cat. They’re a bit dull, honestly, unless it makes you feel relaxed to watch things happen very slowly. I guess that does it for some people.”
“So the ooze was good for them, Hannah,” Ollie insists. “Can we make some ooze after the show?”
“Only if we keep it away from the cushions. There are only so many ways that I can fail to clean them.”
“Are you talking about slime?” Sophie asks. “I know how to get that stuff out. You should have asked me.”
I sigh, feeling my foul mood at a soul-deep level. Maybe I should go pick someone up at a bar so I can erase Travis from my mind, or at least have the satisfaction of knowing he’s no longer the last person I slept with. But the thought of sleeping with someone else makes me feel like my stomach is coated with turtle ooze, which brings me back, in a vicious cycle, to being pissed at Travis. How dare he affect me like this…
“You’re frowning again,” Briar points out unhelpfully, then thrusts the bowl of popcorn at me. “Have some popcorn. It always makes me feel better. Popcorn goes through a pretty miraculous transformation to go from hard, gross little kernels to this majesty.”
Briar’s in a weird mood, but I don’t call her on it, because I’m in a weird mood myself.
I start to reach for the bowl, then nearly tip it over when my phone buzzes. Briar wraps her arm around it as if she’s protecting a baby.
“Here we go again,” Ollie murmurs, giving me a dark look, as I pick up the phone to check it.
“I have to look,” I say. “It may be your dad’s stalker.”
“Dad has a stalker?”
“Sort of,” I say. “I’ll let him explain.” The thought of Travis’s discomfort gives me momentary satisfaction, but I don’t want Ollie to worry that there’s some weird man hiding in the bushes outside of the house, so I add, “But what you should know is that she’s not dangerous. She’s more like a really desperate wannabe friend.”
“Okay, whatever,” he says, less interested in this than he is in real turtles.
I glance at my phone and see a message not from Alice but from Eugene, asking if we can meet up to discuss the Big Catch party.
“It’s Eugene,” I announce happily.
My friends give me tolerant looks, because they’ve heard all about him and care less about interruptions toTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Ollie ignores me.
I glance down at the screen again.
I remember the dearly beloved hedgehog Mrs. Applebaum lost and write back:
Why don’t we paint some pottery together to discuss everything? It’s supposed to be very relaxing. I think your number one goal should be to learn how to relax.
I’ll research some days and times.
Let’s go tomorrow.
