Page 84 of Worst Nanny Ever
Guilt ghosts across his face. “You need insurance? Maybe I can?—”
“I have to pee,” I say, my heart thumping hard in my chest, because this conversation is driving in the wrong direction, ready to crash against a wall.
I don’t want to be a messed-up crash test dummy.
So I hurry to the bathroom and hide the condom beneath a mound of other trash, then take care of business and wash up. Before I go, I change my mind and knot the trash bag so I can take it out. The last thing we need is for Ollie to find the condom and ask what it is. With our luck, he’d probably bring it up to Mrs. Applebaum, who already thinks we’re deviants.
Travis is waiting outside for me in a T-shirt and some athletic shorts, looking thoroughly undone. I did that, and for a second I let myself soak him in, even though I can already tell he’s freaking out.
“Are you okay?” he asks, scratching the back of his neck.
“I’m not the one who fell onto his back with an actual person on top of him.”
“I’m fine,” he insists, but there’s something in his eyes that suggests he’snotfine.
“You think this was a mistake,” I say flatly.
His eyes are full of regret, and my body starts trembling slightly, which makes me furious with myself.
“Not a mistake,” he says, shaking his head. “But I feel like a selfish prick for putting my own needs before Ollie’s.”
“What?” I ask, my temper heating up. “Why is this a problem?You think I’m going to get so addicted to your dick I’m going to start stalking you like thoseShips Ahoypeople? Or are you worried that I’ll take off and leave Ollie? Disappear from his life? You really think I’d do that?”
He looks over at me, his eyes impossibly sad. “His mother did.”
I wrench my hand from him as an old pain threatens to split me open “I wouldneverdo that to him. Especially not over a man. You’d have to fire me to keep me away from him. I am nothing like Lilah.”
He swears. “I know you’re nothing like her. Not in the ways that matter. I just…”
“What are the ways that matter?” I snap.
He looks pained. “You know that line between control and chaos?” He pauses, as if he expects me to nod. I don’t. “Both of you are on the chaos side.”
“Oh, does she not clean to your satisfaction either?”
“I don’t mind doing the cleaning. I like it.”
For some reason this infuriates me even more. Possibly because it makes him a unicorn of a man, and he basically told me he doesn’t want me.
I hold his gaze. “You said you knew Lilah was going to wreck your life when you first met her. What did you think about me? What wasmyvibe?”
Emotions I can’t read pass through his gaze, until regret settles in as if it’s comfortable there. “That you were a hurricane that could blow my life apart.”
He might as well have slapped me across the face. I take a step away from him, hurt radiating through me.
But I’m no coward. I learned long ago to slap back when someone hurts me. To hit them before they can hit me again or turn their back and leave forever.
Lifting my chin, I say, “I’ve never met someone so afraid ofliving. Now, I’m going to take off before I do somethingelseI regret. But guess what? I’ll see you tomorrow, because I don’t flake on people I care about. I’m talking about Ollie, obviously. Not you.”
“I understood,” he says, his jaw flexing. “Let me walk you out.”
“To make sure I leave? Are you worried I’m going to hide in your bushes so I can sneak in and take photos of you sleeping?”
“I want to make sure none of my dad’s scary superfans are waiting out there,” he says. “I’ve been worried about that all day. Believe it or not, I care about you.A lot.”
“Let me guess. Do you feel that way against your better judgment?”
“Yes,” he replies tightly. “Because you. Work. For. Me.” He sucks in a slow breath. “Tonight was incredible.Beyondincredible. But yeah, it was a mistake. I’m already enough of a failure as a father. I don’t want to mess up the one situation that’s actually making Ollie happy.”
