Page 121 of Worst Nanny Ever
With love from your guys
If that doesn’t make my heart swell…
He’s sent me something every day this week so far. On Monday, it was a box of donuts that would have given me early-onset diabetes if I’d eaten them all, followed by another huge stuffed dog on Tuesday because my first dog might be lonely. And then the glitter bomb today.
Grinning, I get out my phone and text him.
Did you send me something?
I believe in plausible deniability.
So, it would mean nothing to you if I say that instead of exploding on me, the glitter bomb exploded all over my huge heavyweight boxing champion neighbor.
Now I really want some plausible deniability.
Do you have any more fantasies for us to work through later?
Always
Any more articles about [nautical emojis]?
Not today. Seems to be dying down a bit. [Fingers crossed emoji.]
There was an article about Travis in the local paper on Monday, but the story hasn’t gone national…not yet, at least. A few videos about the Ships crew have gone viral on social media, but no one has shown up on Travis’s doorstep, thankfully.
I lock up my apartment, which is delightfully clean of glitter but not all that clean in any other way, and head over to Tea of Fortune to meet my friends.
When I arrive, two minutes late, I spot Sophie and Briar in the back, but I pause to greet the Wise Elders Group, which is still in session at the front of the tea shop. Eugene’s with them, and he actually gets up and hugs me! Talk about presto change-o. I secretly think getting drunk with Dottie was the best thing that ever happened to him. It’s like she magicked her laid-back philosophy into his head. Of course, when I told her that, she clucked her tongue and said that “awakening” Eugene to his better nature has been a group effort and that it wouldn’t have worked at all unless he was ready for it.
She’s probably right. She’s right about most things, aside from her crystal fetish, which I’m willing to overlook.
“The hedgehog is ready,” I tell Eugene with a meaningful look. “Project Applebottom Jeans is on.”
I wanted to give Eugene and Mrs. Applebaum a celebrity couple name, but this is the best I could come up with, and as an upside, it makes Ollie laugh hysterically whenever he hears me say it. He has no idea what it’s in reference to, other than that it has something to do with his teacher.
The project kicks off today. After breakfast, I’m going to pick up the hedgehog pencil cup, and then I’ll give it to Mrs. Applebaum when I pick up Ollie after school later. It’ll have a note inside. Not one of those middle school notes with checkboxes for DO YOU LIKE ME, YES OR NO, but an invitation to the brewery on Friday afternoon for a “tipple,” which is apparently her old-timey word for having a drink with a pal.
If she shows on Friday, Travis is going to serenade her—he even learned her favorite song on the guitar!—and Eugene’s going to tell her how he really feels.
If it all goes to hell in a handbasket, Dottie says she knows at least five potential relationship candidates for Eugene who could soothe the sting of Mrs. Applebaum’s rejection. I’m thinking we could set up some kind of geriatricBachelorsituation for him.
I explained the whole thing to Travis, and he said, “If you ever doubt my feelings for you, remember that I willingly had this conversation.”
Eugene sits forward in his chair, giving me the stoic nod of a man going into battle. “I’m ready.”
“Yeah, you are. I’m going to pick up the cup after breakfast. I already have the invite you prepared.”
“You handwrote it, didn’t you, Eugene?” asks Ann. “Handwriting is averysensual act. She’ll appreciate that.”
Constance snorts. “You thinkeverythingis a sensual act.”
“I’d be happy to make you a ginseng tea blend too, dear,” Dottie tells her.
I grin at Eugene, pat him on the back, and wave to the rest of the elders before heading to the back to join my friends.
“You’re here,” Sophie says, popping up from her chair to hug me. Briar hugs me too, and then I lower into the chair next to Sophie.
“You two were totally talking about me, weren’t you?”
