Page 25 of Eco-Activist's Mountain Men
"No, thank you. I have no intention of being around while you’re murdering more trees."
That sets him off into another round of laughter. "Murdering? I don’t think so. We’re just doing our job."
"You do know plants scream when they’re murdered?"
"You what?" He looks genuinely puzzled.
"Yes, it’s been scientifically proven," I say, just as Jack, Luke, and Eric come in together for lunch.
"What’s been scientifically proven?" Jack asks, catching only the tail end of the conversation.
"I was telling your dumbass brother here that plants scream when they die," I explain.
"No, they don’t," Luke interjects, giving me a look like I’m an idiot.
"Yes, they do. Like I said, it’s been scientifically proven."
"Yeah, right."
"No, seriously. A guy at Tel Aviv University did a study and showed that plants emit a high-pitched noise when their leaves are cut, or when they become dehydrated. Now you know." I finish triumphantly.
"Oh Jesus," Jack mutters. Luke just rolls his eyes.
"It’s true," I insist, feeling slightly miffed at the reaction.
Eric steps in. "It’s… kind of true, Luna."
"What do you mean, ‘kind of true’? Either something is or isn’t true. I read about this on CNN, so it must be true."
The guys exchange looks that basically say, Here she goes again.
"Look," Eric explains patiently. "It might be true that if you cut a plant, it emits a high-pitched signal. But that’s not the same as a scream."
"What do you mean?"
"Well… okay, for example, what can you hear right now?"
"You, talking to me."
"Other than that."
I pause, listening. "Nothing. Unless you count Luke breaking wind a minute ago."
That earns a round of laughter from everyone except Luke, who scowls at me like he’s promising retribution later.
"No, really listen," Eric says. "What else?"
"Well… okay, I guess I can hear the refrigerator. Is that what you mean?"
"And what sound would you say it’s making?"
"It’s kind of… humming, I guess."
"Right. In a sense, fridges hum as they cool our iced tea and crisp our lettuce leaves. In a similar sense, yes, plants ‘scream’ when their leaves are cut. But that doesn’t mean the plant is feeling pain—any more than it means the fridge is humming with pleasure. Do you see?"
"Alright, I see what you’re saying. But fridges aren’t alive, are they?"
"True. But plants don’t have nerve endings like animals do. They don’t have a central nervous system. They don’t have vocal cords or mouths. They don’t have the biological equipment to feel pain or produce what we’d call a scream."
