Page 51 of Catch Me
“You mean the panic attack that I had on stage,” I reiterate.
“Yeah. I mean, he didn’t say it to me directly, but I caught him watching a video on his phone and laughing. I asked what was so funny, but he tried to hide it. I thought it was something that had to do with another girl, but …”
“Shit,” Mya mutters and looks over at me with fear mixed with fire in her eyes.
“He was watching me and laughing.” A lump forms in my throat.
In the days after I went into a full-on panic attack on stage in front of thousands of people, video footage of it made its way onto the internet. It wasn’t until I got out of the hospital a week later, that I started to realize how widely it’d spread.
In those immediate months afterward, I came across at least a dozen videos from YouTube channels mocking me. Comment after comment of crying laughing emojis on those terrible ‘men who hate women’ YouTube channels and what not only served to bury me deeper into the malaise of the depression that overtook me.
That wasn’t even the worst part, though.
The worst was the harassment from faceless internet trolls that ensued.
There was one main channel and podcaster who was the driver of that vile behavior.
“I kicked him out after that, Vee, I swear,” Ari quickly assures me. “I only took him back when he unsubscribed from those terrible channels and agreed to go to therapy. In the time since, I thought he was doing better, but today I found out it’s been almost a year since he’s even spoken to his therapist.”
She shakes her head, eyes filling with tears.
“I just feel like a fool for wasting so much time on such a terrible person. Literally, the thought of him disgusts me. I don’t ever want to see him again. After today, we are done, done!” she insists.
I don’t doubt her words. There’s a conviction in her voice that I’ve never heard before.
“I should’ve known better,” she says. “Any man that wants to come between me and my besties isn’t a man worth keeping around.”
The three of us stack hands, and comfort washes over me.
Though I grew up in a two-parent household with two older siblings, these two are the family I didn’t know I craved until I met them.
“I just hate that I wasted my whole entire early adulthood on a loser,” Ari laments.
“You say that like you have one foot in the grave.” I laugh. “You’re only twenty-six.”
“And I’ve been with that fool since I was twenty.”
Ari met Ron in the city where they’re from in North Carolina when she went home during summer break from college.
“Which means you don’t need to spend one more minute thinking about his ass. He’s done. You can figure the rest outtomorrow or the next day. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need,” Mya offers.
Ms. Shelby hops onto Ari’s lap, purring.
“You’re more welcome than some people,” Mya gripes, glaring at Ms. Shelby.
Ms. Shelby meows at Mya and then steps over her lap to crawl into mine and curl into a ball.
“Cats,” Mya murmurs, making me and Ari laugh.
“Man, I feel lighter after spilling all of that. There’s still so much to work out, but damn, it feels good having gotten it out.” Her eyes have a renewed spark in them.
Had my friend lost her spark and I didn’t even notice?
I contemplate that for a beat before I hear my name being called.
“Huh?” I look up to find both of my friends staring at me.
“Where’d you go?” Ari asks.
