Page 29 of Catch Me
“Honestly, I was intrigued. On the surface it’s a story about a guy who falls from grace, but that fall actually happens off screen. The movie is about the turnaround. It’s inspiring and?—”
I cut myself off.
“And not what you expected someone like me to play?”
He forms it as a question, which makes it less accusatory. I hesitate because while that’s exactly what I was thinking, I don’t want to be insulting either. I don’t doubt that if Andreas Knighthas the power to go above Rebecca to allow me to keep my job, he also has the power to be the cause for why I lose my job, too.
“You can be honest. Your job is safe.”
How did he know what I was thinking?
“No,” I say. “It’s not a role I pegged you for but I’m not a casting director. My opinion doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t do that.” His tone is sharp. “Don’t downplay your opinion as if it doesn’t matter. It does matter. What you think is important. I want to hear it.”
Something inside of my chest blooms. Literally, it’s as if my heart is opening up to the rays of sunlight that are his words. He’s not the first person to tell me my opinion matters. Mya, Ari, and Dr. King have all more or less told me the same thing in recent months.
However, the conviction in Andreas’ voice as he says it makes me not want to question the validity of his words.
My opinion matters.
“I only watched a few episodes ofHeartbreak Academy,” I tell him. “I’ve seen the two romantic comedies you were in, which were funny, by the way.Late Nightsis much heavier than any of your previous work.”
“Which is why I chose it,” he says. “At the beginning of last year, I sat down with my manager and agent and told them the direction I want my career to go in. It’s time for me to take on the hard-hitting roles I’ve craved for a few years now. A couple of months later, Michael reached out to my team with the script forLate Nights.”
The confidence in his voice strikes me the most. It’s like he didn’t even doubt that he was ready for something this emotionally gripping.
“Just like that?” I ask.
“Just like what?”
“You decide you want something and then go after it?”
“Is there any other way to get what you want?”
A lump forms in my throat.
“What if it doesn’t turn out the way you want or you …”Or you fail?I don’t let the last part of the question pass my lips.
Andreas doesn’t respond at first, making me think I’ve said too much. I’ve inadvertently shared my own deepest insecurities.
No, not just insecurities, but my truths. Because that’s been the case for me.
Whenever I reached for something I desperately wanted, it always ended up in some sort of loss for me. Which is why it took me so long to make the decision to come out here to L.A. to begin with. Even after months of being miserable, living back in Michigan.
“There’s always something else,” he eventually answers. “Failure just isn’t an option.”
I press my hand against my stomach as something inside of it starts fluttering around. The confidence in his voice belongs to that of a man twenty years older than his twenty-six.
“That’s beautiful,” I say before a sudden yawn interrupts my follow-up question. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.”
I glance at the clock on the wall and am embarrassed that it’s barely ten o’clock.
Have we been talking for almost thirty minutes? When did that happen?
“I should let you go,” he says with regret weaving its way into his tone. “I’ll see you on set tomorrow.”
His words are a promise more than a question.
