Page 49 of Ex- Factor
The fire blurred through the tears pooling in my eyes. I pressed my palms to my face, but it didn’t stop the words from ripping out of me.
“I should’ve done more. I should’ve protected them better. I should’ve burned the whole house down that night instead of just running. And now, every time I see them, all I can feel is how weak I was. How I let it happen.”
I turned to Eshe. “I wanted to tell you. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, I just…”
She cut me off. “You don’t have to explain them to me.” Her voice softened. “Just say you don’t fuck with them… and I don’t fuck with them either. I won’t judge you because of your parents. My daddy could be alive, could be dead. Don’t even know his name. And my momma?” She scoffed, shaking her head. “Last I heard, she was somewhere in the city, living her best life. Hasn’t seen me in over twenty years.”
There was no bitterness in her voice—just a tired acceptance that made my chest ache. Bad parents and an ex that nearly broke her. It made me feel even more protective of her.
Angel spoke next, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. “My daddy was a piece of shit too. Took me a long time to even say that, because he was a provider. He didn’t do what your dad did or kill anybody, but he passed down all his wonderful traits—his temper, his self-destructiveness, his inability to let shit go.” She smirked, but there was no humor in it. “Took me years to unlearn what’s in my blood for Ekon.”
Naomi, who had been unusually quiet until now, let out a slow sigh. “My parents are alive. Still together, even.” She shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean they were good at it. Love shouldn’t feel like walking on glass, but that’s all I remember. One wrong word, one wrong look, and the whole house wouldfreeze over for days.” She picked at the label on her drink. “I don’t talk to them much now. And I don’t feel guilty about it.”
Silence stretched between us—heavy, but not suffocating. For the first time, I realized—none of us had come out unscathed. We were all carrying something.
Cassius let out a humorless laugh. “Damn. We’re all fucked up, huh?”
Eshe snorted. “Understatement of the century.”
“But we’re still here,” Angel said, nudging my shoulder. “Still breathing. Still fighting. That’s gotta count for something.”
I swallowed hard, looking around at them—at Cassius, who carried his anger like armor; at Eshe, who wore her abandonment like a challenge; at Angel, who fought her own blood every day to be better.
Then there was me.
Feeling broken, angry, guilty—but not alone. If they gave out crowns to clowns, I’d be king. And somehow, they still wanted me as family.
Surprisingly, it was Naomi who moved first—sliding close and looping her arms around me in a hug. Angel followed, pressing into my other side. Cassius wrapped me in that clumsy bear hug of his, and finally, Eshe squeezed herself in front of me, her forehead pressed against mine.
“You were a kid, Silas,” Naomi whispered.
“You did more than most grown men would’ve done,” Angel added.
“It ain’t your fault,” Cassius said firmly. “None of it.”
“You don’t carry their sins,” Eshe said, her voice fierce. “Stop blaming yourself. Stop letting them live in your head.”
I tried to shrug them off, but they wouldn’t let go. And then… I cracked. I broke. Ugly, shaking sobs I hadn’t let out in years. And they didn’t move—not one of them. Just held me, likethey could absorb it. Like they weren’t going to let me drown in it alone.
I don’t know how long they hugged me, but Eshe clapped her hands, breaking it up and rolling her shoulders. “Alright, enough trauma-dumping for one night. We came out here to celebrate, remember?” She grabbed a cake I hadn’t seen her bring down—or even store in the refrigerator—holding it out to me. She lit the one candle.
“Make a wish, Silas.”
The candle flickered, a tiny flame against the dark. I didn’t know what to wish for. Forgiveness? Peace? A time machine to undo the past?
None of that felt possible.
So instead, I wished for this—for the people around me, for the family I’d built instead of the one I’d lost.
I blew out the candle.
The group erupted into cheers, Jonas slapping me on the back hard enough to make me cough. Angel stole the first piece of cake, grinning as she licked frosting off her fingers. Naomi rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her smile. And Eshe—Eshe just watched me, her dark eyes knowing.
“You good?” she asked quietly.
I took a breath. Let it out.
“Yeah,” I said. And for the first time in a long time, I almost believed it.
