Page 33 of Rescue
Chapter 16
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Miles
Tonight’s the night and I want to make sure everything is just right. Penny is coming to stay with me before we drive to the city in the morning to get her stuff from her old place.
Hearing that she wanted to move all her stuff to Piney Grove was such a relief for me. I don’t know what I would have done if she wanted to leave. There’s a lot tying me to this town, but there’s something about this girl that makes me feel like giving it all up and following her wherever she goes. If that sounds pathetic, I don’t really care.
It feels like she sees me without me having to show her. She doesn’t push and she doesn’t ask for anything, and yet, I want to give it to her. I’m drawn to her, even when I’m having a bad day, even when I don’t want to have a conversation with anyone. But when I see her, something about her makes me just want to sit in her presence. She calms me. It sounds so strange, even for me, but for now I’m just going to go with it. She’s like a balm to my wounds and I can feel the difference she’s making seemingly without trying.
It seems like everything in our lives has been leading us to this evening and I’m anxious but excited to spend it with her. If tonight goes well, we might actually have a future together and that makes me increasingly both nervous and thrilled.
There’s so much she and I haven’t talked about. I know she probably has some idea of what’s in my past, but no one knows the whole truth and the guilt that still eats at me to this day. What will she think when she finds out what kind of partner I am? I can’t forgive myself for the things I’ve done, but I know that if I want to make things work with her, I’m going to have to figure out a way to move forward.
I have a company that comes and cleans for me a couple of times a month. I called this morning to see if someone could come and fortunately they had someone available. I wouldn’t call myself a slob, but I want to make sure the house looks good for her. I left work a couple hours early so that I could grab some groceries and when I got home I was happy to see that the house looked great.
I wasn't sure what Penelope was going to want to eat tonight so I got a little bit of everything. Last night when we were together, she seemed like she had a lot on her mind. I didn’t press her on it, because I don’t like it when people pressure me to talk about things before I’m ready, but I’ve been wondering what was going on with her all day.
We still haven’t talked about her plans once Mabel comes back to the cafe, and honestly, I’m not sure I want to. I love where this is going right now and I’m scared that she’s going to tell me she wants to move back to the city any day now. I’m not sure I’d blame her either. This town is small and there aren’t a lot of opportunities for a pastry chef. Other than the cafe, we don’t have a huge need in this town for gourmet pastries. I was honestly surprised that she wanted to move her stuff back here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to help, I just figured that she’d want to go back to the city eventually.
I keep meaning to talk to her about all of these important issues that seem to be between us, but when we’re together all I seem to be able to think about is the intense physical connection we have. Her body seems to fit with mine like it was made for me. We haven't gotten any further than some heated kisses. I didn’t want to rush into things with her, but now the pressure is so intense I’m starting to think maybe we waited too long. We need to have a long talk tonight. I’m not looking forward to it, but it needs to happen if we’re going to move to the next level.
It’s been so long since I’ve been with someone that I actually cared about. Honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve been with someone at all. This town is small which doesn’t exactly make casual relationships easy, and that’s all I’ve been looking for. Until Penelope Collins that is.
Everything is different with her. I can only speculate as to why that is. I’ve been thinking it over for a while now and I can’t make it make sense. But not everything makes sense and maybe that’s why this works. She’s just worth it. She pulls me out of my shell and makes me want to be better.
When Penny knocks on the door an hour or so later, the house looks great, the groceries have been put away, and I’m ready for her. At least I hope I am.
We spend the evening laughing and talking about everything and nothing. She tells me that her Nana wants her to take over at the cafe. She explains how she hesitated at first, but now she knows Piney Grove is where she wants to be. The look she gives me in that moment is animated with affection and joy and I can feel the spark of life she elicits in me. I’m so thankful that I lean in to kiss her, trying to convey how I feel with this brief but electric connection. To know that she’s staying here, where my life is, feels like everything is finally falling into place for me. For us.
I try not to get too carried away. Dinner is cooking, but she’s so delicious I’m thinking of throwing her over my shoulder and taking her straight to my bed. Just as I growl into her mouth and start to stand up with her, the timer on the stove goes off. My growl turns to a groan as I release her and head to the kitchen. I hear her giggle behind me and smile to myself.
Over dinner we discuss her past. She tells me about her relationship with Spencer and about how they were engaged. I am surprised at how jealous it makes me, but I tamp it down. When she tells me how unhappy she was at the end of their relationship I pledge to myself to try each day to make her smile. I’m going to do my best to always show her how thankful I am that it never worked out with any of the other guys she’s dated.
We eventually finish eating the chili I made for dinner. It’s one of the only meals I can make that’s not on the grill. I refill our wine glasses and pull her into my lap as we sit by the fireplace in my living room. After all the heavy stuff we talked about earlier, I hate to bring up more heartache, but we have a lot to talk about and I want to make sure that everything is on the table before we go any further with our relationship.
I take a deep breath, building up the courage to talk about the hard stuff. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
She laughs and then says, “Here, here?” and points to my lap, “Or, here?” And circles her finger in the air to indicate my house.
“Both actually,” I say while giving her a sinful smile and wagging my eyebrows at her. Her musical laugh delights me and I almost forget what I wanted to talk about. I’m sure she can feel the very obvious attraction I’m feeling towards her, but I try to ignore it in favor of getting serious and having this talk that I know neither one of us want to have.
I clear my throat and decide to just put it out there. I take a deep breath and feel like I’m confessing when I say, “We’re starting to get closer and I feel like it’s only fair that I share a little more with you, so you know what you’re getting into. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors about me around town.”
Her eyebrows fly up her forehead as her eyes open wide. That was clearly not where she thought I was going with this conversation. She opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. “I thought maybe we should just get everything out in the open. Everyone thinks they know what happened. They think they know why I’m so quiet and withdrawn. They speculate about who I am after everything that happened. I usually don’t care what other people think, but with you, it’s different.
“Most of the town knows about the accident in ‘12, but they don’t know the whole story. I don’t know what version you heard. I know you were close with the twins, but tonight I need to tell you the truth. So you know who I am. So you can decide if you really want to do this with me.”
“Miles, I already know that you’re a kind, caring, respectful man that would do anything for his friends and family. Anything else there is to know isn’t important, but if you feel like you need to talk about it, I’m listening.” She reaches down and grabs my hands, letting me know that she’s here for me. I appreciate the support more than she knows.
“Caroline was my whole world back then. We thought we’d be together forever. We had our whole future mapped out and we practically dared fate to intervene. She had just been accepted to Dartmouth for pre-med. I was going to follow her, get my bachelor’s, and keep training for the Olympics. I knew I was good enough and I was determined to make it. It had been my goal for so long, nothing else mattered. Skiing and Caroline. That was it.
“The first snow that year was early, which for me was perfect. I remember we set records for how much snow we had that season. I was in my prime. Pushing myself harder and harder. The awesome thing about Caroline was that she was always right there by my side, matching me step for step. She wasn’t quite as proficient at skiing as I was, but she was pretty awesome at it. She got wind of a new bowl I had found and begged me to bring her with me for weeks. I knew she could do it, but for some reason I was reluctant to bring her up there which was unusual. We shared everything with each other.” I pause for a second letting my mind take me back.
“She and I had been together since high school. In fact, we were each other’s first. Our parents had finally relented the summer before, letting us get our own place together. We had a few bumps here and there, adjusting to life living together, but we pulled through stronger than ever. We were so young, and we had our whole lives ahead of us.”
I’m lost in thought, remembering our anniversary that year like it was yesterday. I feel Penny gently rubbing my neck and back with one hand, the other holding onto mine. It soothes a place deep inside that hasn’t been soothed in so long. Guilt tries to rise up, but I push it back down. I grip her hand a little harder and pain shoots up through my wrist. It smarts, but I deserve it.
