Page 85 of Brutal Reign
“I don’t really smoke. I snagged one from a guard earlier.” I take another drag, letting it calm my nerves. “Reminds me of my year at Cambridge. I’d sneak cigarettes when I was studying for exams or after I had a few drinks.”
He watches me with those intense gray eyes. “Miss those days?”
I purse my lips in thought. “It was the closest to normal I’ve ever felt. Boarding school was all uptight rich kids being awful to each other, but uni was different. More diverse, more people who actually cared about learning. Of course, I didn’t even finish the year before I had to go into hiding. Couldn’t keep in touch with anyone after that.”
Pavel’s expression grows thoughtful. “You can reach out to them after we find Simon and all this shit is behind us.”
Us. He uses the word so casually. Like he’s already decided our futures are linked.
“What do you mean?” I shift to face him better.
“Old friends, classmates, whomever. Isn’t there anyone you’d want to reconnect with?”
“Maybe a few people, but it was hard getting close to anyone when I couldn’t tell them the truth. Like, ‘Hey, my dad runs the biggest crime syndicate in Hong Kong, and I’m hiding out in England so his enemies don’t murder me’.” I stub out my cigarette in the nearby ashtray. “Easier to keep everyone at a distance than constantly lie about my life.”
I had a handful of friends, but only one, Daniel Ross, knew my real background. We met during my first semester at university. He was a few years older and a teaching assistant for my international relations class. Over too many pints one day, he told me about his family’s money-laundering business for white-collar criminals. That’s when everything spilled out about who my father really was and why I was sent to England.
Daniel understood what it meant to carry family secrets, to love someone despite their choices. He’s in Canada now, working as a lawyer with a family of his own. We haven’t talked in forever, but he’s still one of the few people I actually trusted.
“What about that Irish bartender you worked with in London?”
“Chloe,” I say with an easy smile. She was actually my lifeline when I was in London, one of the few people who really looked out for me, who cared. “She knew Lily. She never knew Hope.”
“But she could,” he points out. “There will always be danger in my world, but it doesn’t have to stop you from living. If you want to reconnect with old friends or finish university, orwhatever it is you want to do, I’ll figure out a way to make it happen.”
I have no idea what to say to that. The words get oddly caught in my throat. I can’t figure out this man for the life of me. Every time I think I have, he surprises me.
“I’m not even sure what I’d want to do,” I admit.
Pavel takes a sip and leans back, his eyes never leaving mine. “When we were in London, you told me you’d want to write a book one day. There’s nothing stopping you now.”
I stub out the smoke. “You remember that?”
“I remember everything from that night.” So do I, but it feels dangerous to tell him. “What kind of book did you have in mind?”
I play with the end of my ponytail. I haven’t thought about this in so long. “I always thought it would be cool to write a book about rebellious women in history, the ones nobody talks about. Like Ching Shih, the pirate queen who basically ran the South China Sea in the 1800s. It’s always the men who get remembered, but there are women who’ve done insane, badass things too.”
When I look over, Pavel is staring at me with his eyebrows raised in a what’s-stopping-you expression.
“Maybe one day,” I say vaguely. Because if all goes well, I’ll be safely tucked away in New Zealand soon enough.
Pavel lies back, cradling his head in his hands. “Sorry I haven’t been around the last few days.”
The apology catches me off guard. “You don’t owe me an explanation. But Kin did ask about you earlier.”
Something warm flickers in his expression. “Yeah? What’d he say?”
“Wanted to know if you’d be back for breakfast tomorrow. I think you made a fan with those blinis.”
“Kin’s got good taste. Maybe I’ll try making them again tomorrow.”
“I’m not sure Yarik’s recovered from seeing the kitchen in that state.”
“He’ll get over it. He keeps telling me I need to learn a few domestic skills.”
“Seriously? You have a full staff to take care of everything.”
He flashes me that gorgeous half-smile that I swear made me fall for him in London. That still does dangerous things to my pulse now.
