Page 99 of All Wrapped Up
‘It was all covered very widely in the media,’ I continued shakily, ‘and eighteen months after his death, I moved to Rowan Cottage with the intention of privately processing my grief and trying to move my life on away from the shadow of public interest which dogged my steps, my thoughts, my everything really…’
‘Oh, my darling girl,’ Jemma sobbed.
‘That’s the reason why I’ve kept myself to myself for so long,’ I carried on. ‘There was an overwhelming amount of public interest in what happened and strangers used the house renovation account Callum and I previously had to constantly message me and share their own tragedies. I know it was all well-meant, or most of it was anyway, but it became too much for me to deal with in the end—’
‘Oh, Clemmie,’ Jemma further cried. ‘That would have been too much for anyone to handle, wouldn’t it, Lizzie? No wonder you shut yourself away.’
‘We had no idea,’ Lizzie said.
She looked and sounded absolutely shellshocked.
‘I did wonder if you might have looked me up online when you recognised the cottage,’ I confessed to her. ‘But I realised you hadn’t the first day I visited the café and I can tell you haven’t since, either.’
‘I had no reason to Google you, but if I had, and found this out, there’s no way I would have been able to pretend I didn’t know,’ she confirmed.
‘I’m even sorrier that your name has come to that journalist’s attention now,’ Jemma said, sounding deeply upset.
‘And so was I when Joanne told us what had occurred on Saturday, but I’ve been thinking about it since then and talking to Ash—’
‘Good old Ash,’ Lizzie smiled, sounding a little more like herself again.
‘And I’m not anywhere near as concerned now,’ I carried on forthrightly. ‘The focus of the story will be about the shop window winners, not my past. AutumnEverything might get a passing mention but that will be it.’
‘Should be it,’ Lizzie corrected.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Fingers crossed.’ And I held mine up to stress the point.
Jemma let out a ragged breath. ‘You must have been so young when it happened, Clemmie,’ she sniffed and I realised she hadn’t heard any of what I’d said about the paper, because she was still trying to absorb my heartbreak.
‘I was,’ I confirmed. ‘Callum and I were both very young. And we’d only been married a year and a half.’
‘That’s the most terrible tragedy.’
‘It is,’ Lizzie agreed, then added, ‘And no wonder you didn’t want Joanne playing Cupid and trying to shove you and Ash together.’
‘Though you sound very close now,’ Jemma pointed out as she wiped her eyes.
‘We are,’ I confirmed. ‘He’s a wonderful friend and a truly trustworthy confidante. I’m blessed to have him and I should go really, because he’s waiting for me in the pub.’
Lizzie and Jemma both gave me a hug and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had known my decision to talk to my new friends had been the right one and I was grateful for Ash’s encouragement to do it sooner rather than later. I might have a tricky few days to come, but with friends by my side, I’d get through it. Friends who knew the whole of me now. There was nothing hidden.
‘I can’t even begin to express how sorry we are that you’ve been through this, Clemmie,’ Lizzie said, as she kissed my cheek. ‘And I’m even more sorry that Joanne has been the person responsible for the mess.’
‘I mean it, please don’t worry about Joanne,’ I told her. ‘Because this truly doesn’t feel like the mess I once thought it would be. I’d already started thinking about sharing my past in my present, so Joanne’s indiscretion has just sped things along a bit.’
‘But you must be worried about AutumnEverything,’ Jemma sighed. ‘It’s not going to be anonymous anymore, is it?’
‘Probably not,’ I resignedly said, ‘but I’ll think more about it after Friday. There’s no point prophesising and worrying before the paper is even published. Whatever occurs, it will doubtless be a flash in the pan anyway.’ That was the hope I was hanging on to. ‘How is Joanne, by the way?’
Lizzie gave the question some thought. ‘I’m not actually sure,’ she frowned. ‘She’s certainly not been her usual self since the weekend but I get the feeling there’s more going on than her stressing over talking to the photographer when she shouldn’t have done. Why do you ask?’
‘I just wondered,’ I shrugged. ‘Because I could tell how truly upset she was.’
Joanne’s worries about her move weren’t mine to discuss and I felt no inclination to return the favour she’d done me by saying more than I should. I was certain it would all come out at a time of her choosing, rather than mine.
‘I do admire you, Clemmie,’ said Jemma, who still looked close to tears. ‘You’re so kind to be thinking of Joanne and so brave, too.’
‘I’m not always brave,’ I swallowed, then added, ‘and I do appreciate that you haven’t asked me what happened to Callum. If you look online for Clemmie and Callum Bennett, you’ll find everything you need to know. I still struggle to say the words…’
