Page 88 of All Wrapped Up
‘This is nice,’ I said, looking around.
‘The lights look great, don’t they? Jake said he was setting something up here.’
‘Really great.’
‘They’re not solar because it’s quite shady here, so I’m not sure how he’s running them.’
The small talk was fine, but my heart hadn’t won the battle with my head to discuss the aesthetics of outdoor illumination.
‘Ash—’
‘I know,’ he said, pulling off his hat and pushing a hand through his hair. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I thought I’d have worked out what to say by now, but I’m still not sure where to start.’
‘How about,’ I suggested, ‘you get straight to the point and tell me why you’ve suddenly turned from new friend and trusted confidante into someone who makes me feel awkward and embarrassed?’
‘I wish you hadn’t put it like that,’ he said hoarsely.
I risked a look at his face and could see his eyes were bright as if they were shining with tears, but that couldn’t possibly be the case, could it? Given that he was the one who had initiated the distance between us, first with his trip to Bakewell and then through his cold and odd behaviour since his return, I couldn’t imagine he was feeling that emotionally moved.
‘But it’s the truth.’ I shrugged, determined to be honest. If we were going to salvage anything, honesty had to be the way to go. ‘Awkward and embarrassed is exactly how you’ve made me feel. And regretful, too,’ I added, for good measure.
‘But those are the last emotions I want you to associate with me.’
I looked at him again.
‘How can I believe that when you’ve barely spoken to me since you’ve been back from your parents’ and you hid from me in your place of work. You actually hid, Ash. And you’ve obviously talked to the people you work with about whatever it is that I’ve done wrong, rather than talk to—’
‘You haven’t done anything wrong,’ he cut in, wringing his hat in his hands.
‘Well, forgive me for thinking I hadn’t done anything right!’ I laughed without humour as my annoyance with him began to properly prickle.
Pixie whined and I picked her up and kissed the top of her head.
‘You know, I think I should go,’ I said, the words catching. ‘The last thing I want is Pixie feeling upset, too.’
‘I don’t want either of you feeling upset.’
‘Well,’ I said, as I turned away, ‘you’ve got a funny way of showing it.’ I took a couple of steps back to where the path carried on. ‘Please make my apologies to Amber and Jake and tell them I’ll call them tomorrow.’
‘It was the Fenview Feast!’ Ash then blurted out and I turned around again. ‘It was what happened that night, when we were dancing. I—’
‘Nothing happened,’ I interrupted.
I had known that had been the start of it.
‘But italmostdid,’ he said, then shouldered all of the responsibility for our not-quite post-dance kiss. ‘And I’ve hated myself for it ever since.’
As cross as I was with him, I couldn’t allow that.
‘Well, if you’re so keen to apportion blame, then you have to allow me a slice of it, too,’ I insisted, but Ash shook his head and wouldn’t hear of it. ‘I got just asalmostcarried away as you did,’ I reminded him.
‘No,’ he said. ‘No.’
‘But why not?’
‘Because I should have backed off sooner. Because you had told me that when your husband died, you had closed your heart and that you were never going to fall in love again and I therefore should have behaved better. That’s why I object to you being at fault.’
‘But I wasn’t falling in love with you at Fenview,’ I pointed out. ‘I was dancing with you, Ash. And enjoying it. I hadn’t done it in a very long time.’
