Page 29 of Daughter of Genoa
‘Oh, yes, I see.’ He turned on the tap and began to fill a glass while I quickly mopped at my eyes and nose. My cheeks were hot and sticky with salt. I couldn’t imagine what I must look like. Vittorio sat down – next to me again, and not safely across the table as I half-thought he might – and put the glass in front of me.
‘There you go.’
‘Thank you.’ I picked it up and tried to take a sip, but my hand was shaking and my mouth trembled, too. I had to take the glass in both hands, like a child, and even then I spilled a little down my chin. ‘Sorry,’ I muttered as I wiped it away.
‘Please don’t worry. Anyone would be shaken.’ His voice was calm and steady. But when I glanced at him he looked away, and his hand went to the rosary at his side.
‘Here he is!’ Silvia’s voice rang out, making me start. She was standing in the doorway, brandishing Tiberio in her arms. ‘He was on top of the bookshelves in the parlour. The Lord alone knows how he got up there.’ She placed the cat on the floor and he sauntered over to his place by the stove. ‘Now, Father Vittorio, how about some breakfast?’
‘Thank you, but I’m afraid I can’t stay,’ Vittorio said, getting to his feet. ‘I have much to do. We have the archbishop staying with us at the community,’ he added. ‘He’s a Jesuit, of course.’
‘Of course,’ Silvia said.
‘But I’ll come back once I’ve had a chance to see Mr X again. Our handover yesterday didn’t quite come off as planned – Marta will tell you the details.’
‘I’ll make sure she does. Thank you, Father, and thank you so much for coming by. Take good care.’
‘You too,’ Vittorio said. ‘Both of you. Good day.’
When he’d gone, Silvia went over to the sink and turned on the tap. Taking out one of Bernardo’s handkerchiefs, she drenched it in water, wrung it out and handed it to me.
‘Thank you.’ I pressed the handkerchief to my face – it was wonderfully cool.
‘So he’s all right then, is he, our Mr X?’ Silvia poured out two cups of tisane, one for each of us, and sat down opposite me. ‘Don’t worry – I won’t make you tell the whole story, or at least not yet. But I had a dreadful fright for a moment. You all in a state, and Father Vittorio looking like he didn’t know what to do. I thought the worst had happened.’
‘Oh, no.’ Shame washed over me. ‘Did Father Vittorio look very uncomfortable?’
‘He looked like a stricken haddock,’ Silvia said, and I snorted with laughter. ‘Poor man, I can’t imagine he often has young women weeping all over him. He must have been cold comfort for you, I’m afraid.’
‘No,’ I said, remembering his fingers slotting through my own. ‘No, he was very kind. He knew just what to do.’
‘Someone write to the Pope,’ Silvia said, smiling. ‘A miracle has occurred.’
She meant to cheer me up, I know, but the word ‘miracle’ made me think of Teglio – how close he’d been to dying, the choice he’d had to make – and I hid my face in the damp handkerchief and cried all over again.
‘It’s a good thing Father Vittorio is a priest,’ Silvia said gently, once I’d managed to get myself under control. ‘If he were a man, the ordinary sort of man, he might have been quite put out. Having to console you while you went to pieces over someone else.’
‘I’m not in pieces over anyone.’ I pressed the handkerchief to my eyes so I didn’t have to look at her. ‘I’m just… I’m tired. And shaken. Anyone would be shaken,’ I said, echoing Vittorio’s words.
‘That’s all perfectly true. But, Marta, really…’ Silvia sighed. ‘All these tears – they aren’t for Father Vittorio, are they? I know you were very happy to see him alive and well,’ she added. ‘He’s your friend, like he’s my friend and Bernardo’s, and we all care about him very much. And the good Lord knows that your private concerns are your own, and the last thing I want to do is poke my nose in where it doesn’t belong. In another world… well, you wouldn’t be living here at all, and all this would be quite irrelevant. As it is, we’re all here together under one roof, and I know you’ve been keeping busy and trying not to fret about it, because you’re a good, conscientious girl who doesn’t like to be a bother. But it might just be time to admit the perfectly obvious: that Mr X is someone very special to you. And that’s really quite all right,’ she went on as I stared at her. ‘It could hardly be otherwise.’
For just a moment, I wanted to confess everything. It would have been such a relief to tell someone how I felt about him; to confide in Silvia like I would confide in any woman friend. But once I spoke the words out loud, I’d never be able to take them back. It was a big secret to unleash in such a small house.
Silvia took pity on me. ‘Look,’ she said, ‘you’re a bright young woman and he’s a clever and charming man, and the two of you spend all that time together doing work that affects both of you, and everyone you love. You’re bound to trust one another in a way you just can’t trust me or Bernardo or Father Vittorio – because we all want to help, but when it comes down to it, we’re not in your situation. It would be a wonder if you didn’t fall in love with him at least a little.’
‘Really?’
‘Really,’ Silvia said. ‘You’re much too young to remember the last war, but you can’t imagine how many love affairs started up then. It’s a very powerful thing, facing a great danger together. It creates all kinds of intimacies: some of them survive, many don’t, but they all feel quite real in the moment.’
‘Yes.’ I hesitated, caught between relief and a sad, painful longing. ‘Then perhaps it isn’t anything… I mean to say… Perhaps it’s just the circumstances, then.’ I said it as firmly as I could, but I felt a sharp pang of disappointment deep down. ‘I’m sure it will pass. And I’m sure… I’m sure he doesn’t feel like that about me.’
‘Well, I don’t know, dear,’ Silvia said. ‘I haven’t seen the two of you alone, obviously, and he’s only ever his usual self around me. Ever so gallant, of course, but he doesn’t exactly give much away, does he? Only you know how he is with you in private – and I’m not asking you to tell me anything, by the way.’ She raised a hand as if to ward off confidences. ‘That’s between you and Mr X. But, Marta, you’re a smart girl. If you think about how he is with you, if you really think about it, then I’m sure you’ll figure it out for yourself.’
I thought about how Teglio looked at me. I thought about how he always seemed to know what I needed. I thought about his eyes crinkling at the corners, the kindness in his voice, the warmth in his touch when his hands held mine. And I knew, as I’d never allowed myself to know before, just how badly I wanted each and every one of these things to be a sign that he had fallen in love with me.
‘I don’t know,’ I said, twisting the handkerchief around my fingers. ‘I wish I did, but I don’t.’
‘Well, perhaps you’ll find out,’ Silvia said. She drained her tea and set the cup down in the saucer. ‘Maybe you’re not the only one who’s had an epiphany. Anyway, I expect he’ll come past at some point. Probably not soon,’ she added, ‘so there’s no need to look so startled. I’d be surprised if he gets here today.’
