Page 24 of Slow Burn
‘We should probably rehearse the rumba tonight,’ she said, sounding a little hesitant.
Hardly surprising – the dance was slow and intimate and I was not convinced I trusted myself to do that alone with her. Not yet, not until I had got rid of all of this chaos in my head.
‘You know, I was thinking that we could skip trainingthis evening,’ I said. ‘I am a little burnt out. Missing one session will not hurt. We can make up for it at the weekend.’
I knew how dedicated she was to making the routines perfect, and that this would disappoint her. I was disappointed inmyself– jobs always came first, so why was I struggling to put things in perspective this time?
‘We’re cutting it fine as it is. We need every second together if we’re going to have the duets ready to go for opening night,’ she said snippily.
Carlos clapped his hands. ‘Let us run the group salsa, please, everyone!’
The funky opening bars to the track played out and I reluctantly took my place on the dance floor, willing myself to be the professional I knew I could be.
I almost went back on what I had said about rehearsals as the feel of Lira’s hand in mine as I rotated her around the room settled me, our arms crossing and uncrossing, followed by the thrill of spinning her faster and faster. I was lulled into a false sense of security that it would all be okay.
But then I accidentally looked into her eyes and I was gone again. I felt like I was losing my mind.
‘I really need a break tonight. Tomorrow we do the rumba,’ I said.
‘Whatever,’ she said, pulling away from me the second the music stopped.
For a second – and I had no idea what possessed me – I held onto her hand tightly, not wanting her to go, not like this. But then she tugged harder, wrenching herself away,giving me a dark look as she stalked off to the changing rooms. Great – she was really upset. And if Carlos found out about this, he would not be happy.
Deciding some fresh air was what I needed, I stepped out on the street, leaning against the damp, dark walls lining both sides of Langley Street. There was something calming about being out here and I breathed in the thick London air – the gloominess was a sharp contrast to the energy, bright lights and noise inside the studio. Deciding my current mood could not continue, I scrolled absent-mindedly through the contacts on my phone, an endless list of people from the dance world and women whose faces I could barely remember. I chose one at random – Alexandra. I had a vague memory of spending a pleasant night at her place somewhere in West London.
It is me, Gabriele. Are you free tonight?
By some stroke of what I could only call misfortune, Lira and I happened to leave rehearsals at exactly the same time that afternoon, and since we were both headed towards Leicester Square tube, I could hardly avoid talking to her. My meet-up with Alexandra was not until later, so I was heading home for now, and Lira would be going to Victoria to catch her train to Castlebury. We would have a few tube stops together to endure – surely I could make safe conversation with her for that short amount of time?
‘Not changed your mind about rehearsals, then?’ said Lira, hoisting her bag over her shoulder as we turned onto Long Acre.
‘It is important to look after ourselves when on tour,’ I said, sounding worthier than I had intended to. ‘A night alone is just what I need and then I will be back on full form, I assure you.’
This was not entirely a lie. The casting process had exhausted me and I recognized the familiar feeling of burnout bubbling beneath the surface of everything I did.
‘We should really try to talk about what happened before… in Paris,’ said Lira, her voice faltering a little, as though she was only saying this because she thought it was what sheshouldsay, not because she wanted to discuss the past any more than I did. I wondered whether Carlos had spoken with her too.
‘What is done is done,’ I said, hoping that would shut it down. ‘I do not think it would be helpful, not when there is so much at stake.’
‘That’s exactly why weshouldtalk about it. Don’t you think it’s affecting the show? We can barely look at each other, let alone speak. Why don’t we try and have a conversation about it? It can’t get much worse, can it?’ said Lira.
‘I disagree,’ I said defensively. ‘I think we are managing very well under the circumstances.’
‘But whatarethe circumstances?’ she ventured as we waited to cross the road. I had no means of escape unless I wanted to step out in front of traffic or turn back in the direction I had just come from. The traffic was tempting.
‘I am not sure what you mean,’ I said, hearing the dismissive tone in my own voice and knowing I wasbeing difficult, but seriously, she wanted to talk about thisnow?
‘Because I only have fond memories of that night,’ she said. ‘I mean, it was a challenging time for me, but—’
‘Challenging how?’
My interest was piqued. Was she talking about us?
She hesitated, as though struggling to decide whether to say more or not. I thought this might be the longest conversation we had had since she waltzed into that audition room a few days ago, and I was intrigued.
‘Everything was about to change for me that night,’ she explained. ‘And I was trying to get my head around it, make peace with it, but then you asked me to dance and—’
‘Hey, guys!’
