Page 107 of Master of Paradise
"We formed a convoy when our ships met upwith the Alabama. We hadn't arrived in England yet, we'd justentered the English Channel from the North Atlantic. A Unionwarship had been following the Alabama from Cherbourg, France. Theminute we entered the Channel it opened fire. It was a terriblebattle. The Alabama and the Rattlesnake went down. I was lucky--there wasn't enough damage to sink the Hornet." Rafe paused andtook a deep breath before he continued. "The water was full of men.Everything was a mass of confusion. The Alabama alone had a crew ofa hundred and fifty. There was an English yacht, the Deerhound,rescued forty men to Southampton, but Nicholas wasn't among them,Mandy. The Union ship Kearsarge picked up about seventy prisoners,but Mandy love, there were many men unaccounted for. Many missingand presumed dead."
"No," she whispered. "He hated the cold waterof the Atlantic. I hope they took him out quickly, even if he is aUnion prisoner."
"Honey... the Union issued a list ofprisoners they took from the sea. Nick's name wasn't there."
"Rafe, I have to believe he's a prisoner,"she said wildly. "The alternative is unbearable."
"Well, there's always a slim chance," hefound himself lying to her.
Amanda felt herself going down into a vortexand she tried to grasp onto something, but it was thin air. Shefelt strong arms lift her and a voice from a great distance calledout, "Lou!"
As her eyes closed she told herself thatNicholas was home. Deep sleep protected her both physically andmentally, and she didn't awaken until the next day.
Her heart constricted sharply as her memoryflooded back. She turned her face to the wall in an effort to blockout everything and everybody, but slowly it came to her that suchbehavior would defeat her.While there is hope, while there isbreath in my body, I must try to find out if Nicholas isalive.
Amanda bathed and went downstairs. The wholehousehold was shocked to see her up and about. They had expectedher to be shattered.
"Mandy baby, yo' git back t'yore bed an' ol'Mammy bring yo' breakfast."
"No, Lou," she used the name Nicholas alwaysused for Mammy, "there are things that must be done without delay.Rafe, could you do me a great service and take a message to myfather in Richmond?"
"Of course, Amanda. Your father has such goodconnections with Congress and the army, he may be able to find outif Nicholas is in a Union prison. Write the letter and I'll take ittoday. I'll tell him everything that happened that day."
Within the hour, Rafe departed and Amanda satlooking out the window and remembering the harsh words she hadexchanged with Nicholas.Paradise isn't big enough for both ofus, he had said angrily.How prophetic his words were.She began to cry and the servants left her alone. Suddenly shestopped.
My God, if I sit here doing nothing, I'lldrown in tears.
"Lou, get Cleo and Fanny, yes and we'll needPorter too. I already know I can count on you, Samuel. Those gardencrops at Jackson Plantation need gathering. Samuel, we'll needshovels and pitchforks and burlap sacks. It will take us days. Ithink there are yams, turnips and some yellow squash growing overthere too. We've got to keep some of these things for ourselves, Iknow there are hard times coming."
The servants exchanged glances, wondering ifthe news of Nicholas's death had unhinged her mind, but they wentoff to get the things she had ordered.
Amanda's glance fell on Jennifer who huddledon a settee with her arm flung over her eyes. "Jenny, I'm sorry, Iclean forgot about your trouble."
Jennifer let her arm fall from her face. Themovement showed hopelessness and defeat. She looked at Mandy."Well, what now? We're both in the same damned boat and it'ssinking fast. Both our men are dead and we're both in a fix."
Hot words of denial rose to Amanda's lips,but she bit them back.How cruel it would be to say Nicholasmight be alive, when there is no hope for Beau."I'm going tothe Jackson Plantation to get the garden crops in. I'll get thestuff from Jessie today while I'm at the cabins."
"Don't say it's for me, Mandy," Jenniferpleaded.
"No, of course not. Under the circumstances,Jessie will think I want it for myself."
"No, ah will not!" Old Jessie lookedmajestically down her wide nose. "Furst yo' wants a love potiont'make a baby, now yo' wants a hate potion t'kill it."
"I'll slap you flat if you don't give it tome," Amanda threatened.
Jessie just looked at her for a longtime.
Amanda, her nerves screaming, sat down,suddenly very tired. "Jessie, my son was conceived in love. I wouldnever do anything to harm him. He's part of Nicholas, perhaps theonly part I will ever hold in my arms again. Having said all that,I still ask you for something that will abort an unwanted child.Trust me, Jessie, it's not for me."
Jessie weighed Amanda's words, then grinned."Yore pretty sure it a boy, ain't yo'?"
"I'm sure," Amanda said simply.
Jennifer took the potion and stayed in herroom for a whole week, keeping secret the terrible ordeal betweenherself and her sister.
When Mammy Lou and Cleo complained thatJennifer should be helping harvest the vegetables, Mandy said,"Leave her be. It's delayed shock from Beau's death. If we let herrest awhile, she'll be just fine."
Amanda welcomed the backbreaking labor thatwas necessary to harvest any crop on earth. The energy that sheexpended exhausted her physically, so that when nighttime arrivedshe was able to sleep for a few hours each night.
