Page 38 of The Claiming of the Shrew
“Where did you go? Come on out, you annoying little shrew!”
Leah squeaked furiously again at top volume, then scuttled deeper into the costume jungle when she heard footsteps head in her direction.The problem was that she had no experience at all in hushing up her inner shrew. It just did what it wanted. Now that her inner shrew was her outer shrew, it wouldn’t shut up any more than the shrew in her head.
There was some rustling, then a sudden, soft-soundingFLUMP!next to her. Leah had no idea whatthatwas, but she didn’t want to deal with it as a shrew. It sounded dangerous. Also, she was in increasing danger of suffocating as costumes settled around her.
She turned human again in the pile of fabric. Grabbed something at random, which turned out to be a purple velvet robe with fake fur trim, she flung it over her naked body. And finally she recognized her assailant, standing over her with a large butterfly net that must have come from one of the costume bins.
“You!” Leah said in surprise.
She did know him. It was the slouching, perpetually sullen stagehand who was always so rude to everyone. What was his name? Robby? Rolf? Oh right, Ralph.
“What’s the matter with you?” she demanded, thrashing further back into the tangle of costumes to avoid him. “Have you gone insane?”
“Get back in the coffee can. Don’t make me gas you again.”
“What did you gas mewith?” Oh right, the stagehands handled the chemicals for the effects. It had probably been one of those. She was lucky all she got away with was a headache. “You could have killed me! What’s the matter with?—”
Then, behind him, on the cluttered countertop that must have been what her coffee can had fall off of, she recognized a very familiar pillowcase. It was open, spilling jewelry among tubes of grease paint and cardboard masks and Stacey’s crocodile puppet.
“You!” Leah gasped.
Ralph followed her gaze to the pillowcase. “Yeah, I found your little hoard. I brought it back here along with you. Let’s see what the director has to say about that.”
“You think I’m the thief?” Leah said, her mouth falling open.
“Of course you’re the thief! I caught you red-handed with a pillowcase full of stolen jewelry, includingmy watch.” He brandished his wrist, where there was a watch with a gold band that might have been in the pillowcase for all Leah could remember.
“But—what—I—” Leah tried to organize her scattered thoughts. Now she was being accused of sabotage and theft. This night could not get any worse. “It wasn’t me,” she said. “That pillowcase was planted.”
“Yeah right.”
“What the heck were you doing in my room, anyway? You came through the window, didn’t you? Are you a peeping tom?”
“What? No! I wanted to—” He stopped and waved the butterfly net at her. “Get back in the can.”
Leah folded her arms awkwardly across the purple robe that was the only thing saving her from a case of indecent exposure. “You gassed me and stuffed me in a coffee can even before you thought I stole a bunch of jewelry. What the heck is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Ralph shot back. “You’ve been snooping around and asking questions and poking into everyone’s business, all to cover up your own crimes.”
“I didn’t do any crimes! What about you?” Leah’s brow furrowed. Anyone who knew how to drug someone with toxic gas could easily concoct chemicals to make a person’s hair turn orange. “Are you the person who contaminated Gloria’s cosmetics?”
“Get back in the can!”
Leah considered yelling for help, but so far Ralph hadn’t actually tried to hurt her, though he was between her and the exit. And now she was curious. “Youarethe person who’s been sabotaging our sets, aren’t you?”
“I knew you knew!” Ralph yelled, swinging the butterfly net at her.
“Ack!” It probably couldn’t hurt her, it looked light enough, but she grabbed the nearest halfway defensible-looking object, which turned out to be a huge paper maché mask shaped like a green dinosaur head (what play was that evenfrom?) and parried it.
“You hate Gloria too!” Ralph was ranting. “That overinflated, egotistical prima donna! You should be glad to see her get what’s coming to her.”
“Gloria’s a nice person!” Leah retorted. Leave it to this jerk to make her defend Gloria. But it really was true. Gloria was a little full of herself, but she was sweet. It wasn’t her fault that she got all the starring parts and Leah got walk-ons.
Wait a minute ...
“You’re jealous!” she said. “You’re jealous of the actors. Is that what it is?”
“I deserved that part! I was passed over! I’d be a much better Hook than that idiot Halstadt!” He swung the net again, and Leah blocked it. “I can sing! I can dance! Nobody else in this cast can carry a note in a bucket! But no, it’s all about who you know, not talent.”
