Page 227 of The Delta's Rogue
We follow Mom into the cover of the trees. The pack stays behind and will head back to their homes, but they will remain in silence with us until the ashes run out.
Mom keeps as close to the borders as she can, spreading Dad’s ashes with the ashes of every former Crescent Lake alpha. It’s even quieter here, with the trees muffling the waves from the lake. The soft sounds of our footsteps and the rustling pine needles blend with baby birds’ sweet chirping and the fluttering of butterfly wings. And the sounds of our tears, of course. We all cry differently, but none of us hold back our sorrow.
Maddie and I both take a turn scattering Dad’s ashes as well. When my turn is over and I hand the urn back to Wes, he passes it to Reid, taking Savvy from him, so he too can say his goodbye.
Reid’s throat bobs, and his chin drops to his chest. He stands there for a few moments, crying, with the urn clutched to his body. Taryn rubs his shoulder, and he inhales shakily before he continues walking.
Then Nolan takes a turn too. His eyes shine, and his lip trembles. When he hands the urn back to Wes, he pauses to hug Cassandra tightly against him.
Wes walks a few more steps with the final handful of ashes. We stop when he stops, ending our walk in a small clearing. It’s the hardest walk any of us have ever taken. As hard as it was, as sad as it was, there was so much love too. So much hope.
Wes sets the urn on the border and stays on one knee as he mindlinks the pack that it’s over.
But it’s just starting for us. Because now, we stay here until the sun rises tomorrow.
We stand in our family units. I wrap one arm around Sarina’s shoulders from behind. Reid has Savvy in his arms once more, and he rests his palm on Taryn’s lower back as she sways Austin side to side. Nolan has Cassandra tucked under his chin, and Mom holds Maddie’s hand.
Haven hands the envelope over to Wesley as he gets to his feet. He stares at it, tapping his free hand with it over and over.
“Dad, he— He, uh…he wrote me a…a letter. The day of the battle. The day he died.” Wes laughs dryly. “I don’t know when he found the time to write it. I barely found time to eat that day. It’s all a blur now, everything that happened leading up to the fight, but…” His voice catches. “But he wrote this for me. He sat down, put pen to the page, and wrote me aletter. And I-I’ll never get to— He and I will never have a chance to—” A frustrated, growling sob tumbles from his chest. “I’m going to read it to you. He addressed it to me but…but I think it’s meant for all of us.”
He takes the letter out, carefully unfolds it, clears his throat, and reads.
“Dear Wesley,
“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the best way to say all this to you. There are so many things I want and need to tell you—things you deserve to know and things I’ve been too stubborn to admit. But every time I’ve tried to explain myself, it ends badly.
“In so many ways, you and I are too much alike, and yet in other ways, you couldn’t be more different from me. We’re both stubborn as hell. Which is probably why we butt heads so much and why most of our conversations end in arguments, and why I’ve never been able to bring myself to say the things I know I should.
“But where I’m purely stubborn, you are also determined. Tenacious. When you set your mind to something, you do it. You make it happen. You wanted Haven to seeThe Nutcrackerin person. You wanted to be part of her life when you found her again. To give her a dream wedding and a home that was only ever hers. You wanted all those things, and you did whatever was needed to bring them to life.
“That’s another difference between us. You are so selfless, and I…I am not.
“As we head into this fight against the monsters who held your brother’s mate captive, I realize now more than ever that there will never be a right moment for us to talk, and if I don’t say what I need to say now, I fear I never will. But I am a coward. I’m terrified to say any of these things to your face for fear that, like always, our conversation will end with anargument. So instead, I’m taking a page out of your book—yours and Haven’s—and I’m writing you this letter.
“I failed you, Wesley. I failed you as a father and as an alpha. Not only you, but Reid and Brad and Haven too.
“I should have done more.
“When Stephanie died, I should have ensured Brad had the help he needed instead of assuming he was fine because he never confided in me that he wasn’t. I should have realized Reid joined us at almost every meal not because he wanted to bond with his future alpha, but because there wasn’t someone at home in the right frame of mind to provide a meal for him.
“When the four of you were trying to use the credit card to buy plane tickets to Denver (yes, I knew about that), I should have flown you there myself. I should have done whatever it took to bring Haven here to Crescent Lake so the two of you could have grown up together. My pride, my need to keep my reputation clean, stole all of that from you. From both of you.
“In hindsight, I think I thought I was protecting you. I, too, met your mother at a young age. I, too, fell in love with her as we grew older. My lycan formed an attachment to her. He grew ever more protective as the years wore on and we closed in on the day we would find out she was my mate.
“Except, she wasn’t. She was never meant to be my mate.
“I chose her anyway. I chose her and you. Not because of duty or because it was the right thing to do. No, I chose her as my mate because our love was strong and true, and there wasn’t anything else I wanted more. I think, deep down, I didn’t want you to face the same heartbreak I did at learning the girl you loved more than anything wasn’t meant for you.
“I’m not saying I would trade any of my life with your mother for a life with a fated mate. On the contrary, I truly can’t imagine anyone other than your mother at my side. It wasn’t the disappointment of never experiencing the mate bond with another that plagued me. It was the despair of thinking she would decide I wasn’t worth it since I wasn’t her mate. It was the heartbreak of realizing what we built up for ourselves wasn’t true.
“But she chose me back. We decided the Goddess must have made a mistake because our feelings for each other, our bond as friends and as lovers, was too strong to be anything less than the bond of two souls bound togetherby fate.
“I regret none of my life with your mother. How can I when it gave me you and Sebastian and Madeleine? Your motherismy mate. Our bond may not be fated, but our bond is still true. She is the love of my life. She is my other, better half. She carries a piece of my soul, kept safe in her heart, and she always will.
“I know this letter is beating around the bush. I know, seeing it all laid out here on these pages, it may seem like excuses. Fuck, it probably is all excuses. But I’m not excusing any of what I’ve done or anything I didn’t do. I’m confessing to it all. I own all of the mistakes set forth in this letter, and I am deeply sorry for each and every one of them. And I am so very proud of you and the male, the alpha, and the father you have become.
“I love you, Wesley. I love you. I love your brother and sister. I love Haven and Sarina, and I love my beautiful grandson. I am so happy I got to meet Dylan and hold him in my arms the way I once held you before you decided you were too big and too tough for that. You and Haven will both be wonderful parents, just as you’ve both been wonderful leaders for this pack. Dylan will be surrounded by so much love and guidance from not only you two, but the powerful friends you surround yourselves with.
