Page 134 of The Delta's Rogue
My life.Mi vida.
“I’ve got you.” He squeezes me tighter as if his arms could prevent me from falling into the darkness in my mind. As if, by embracing me, he could keep me from disappearing from his life again, keep me safe from any harm, and keep the nightmares from returning every night with a vengeance.
Goddess, how I wish that was possible.
“There were eyes.” I snuggle further into him, manifesting the safety and the protection his actions promise. If I can get close enough to him, it will make it all true. “And hands. And…”
A sob stops me from finishing my sentence, and I shake my head.No lo puedo decir en voz alta. I can’t speak it out loud, can’t speak it into existence.
Sebastian swallows and rubs my lower back in a slow circle. “You’re safe, remember? We got you out.”
I don’t respond. There’s nothing to say.
Safe. What is safe? I’m out, I’m free, and I’m with him. But will I ever be safe again? Will he want me when he realizes how broken I am? When he realizes I let them break me? Will he understand it was the only way for me to survive?
I shiver and clench my eyes. Sebastian’s grip on me tightens, and he lifts and tucks the covers around me. He wraps me tight in his arms and the blankets, creating a cocoon of warmth and safety—a cocoon in which I wishto exist forever.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He leans back against the pillows. They sink beneath our combined weight, enveloping us and welcoming us into their plushness.
I tilt my chin high to meet his thundercloud eyes. “The dream?”
“Any of it.”
Everything in my body freezes. My muscles tense, cinching as taut as over-tightened shoelaces. My eyes widen, and my jaw clenches. Even my heart forgets to beat for a second.
His reaction is immediate. He brushes my hair away from my face and shakes his head, eyes glistening with an unspoken apology.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me about it yet if you’re not ready. You don’t have to tell me about itever.”
I blink at him. My mouth opens and then closes, my surprise from his declaration overriding my ability to speak.
“I won’t force you to relive it if you don’t want to,” he adds. “That won’t help anybody.”
I dip my head in response.
I have nothing to say back to that. There is no way for me to know when or if I’ll ever be ready to tell him the full extent of what they put me through. There are details I know he needs to be told, important tidbits that will help us capture these assholes and put an end to their terror, but beyond that? Only time will tell what else I’ll reveal to him.
My fingers trace across his collarbone, and my eyes follow their path. The barest flicker of the bond sparks to life beneath my touch, but it’s nothing compared to what it should be.
His scent is there too. It’s right there, like a word you know but can’t remember when you need it.
“What do I smell like to you?” I rest my head on his chest once more.
I know his scent. I’ve had it memorized since the moment I first saw him, all those years ago. But mine has remained a mystery. I want to know what I smell like to him. I want to know every detail of how he perceives me.
“Honeysuckle.” He lowers his nose to the top of my head. His lips tip into a smile and brush against my hair as he continues speaking. “Honeysuckle, mango, and pomegranate.”
“That sounds beautiful.” I squeeze my eyes shut at the familiar image that combination of scents awakens.
An image of sunsets and lush green leaves. A picture of rainbows after an unexpected downpour. A portrait of twinkling stars hanging above the low mountains in the distance.
“It is,” he concurs. “You smell like home.”
I smell like home. Like his home, and like mine.
Home. Where flowers bloom and breezes blow, and everything is sweeter. Where Sebastian’s hand is in mine, and he whispers a promise to me.
“Our bond is muted for me,” I tell him, anticipating his question before he asks it. “I catch wisps of it when we touch, and your scent is there, but it’s not right. It’s not complete.”
